Under the Surface
by insert amusing name here
Summary: Chapter Fourteen! After a long day of moping, Rikku's grumbling stomach has finally made her surface. Gippal is proving to be even more elusive, but the pair seem fated to convene. Will Rikku stop compulsively baking long enough to address her issues?
1. Chapter 1: Gather Round and Listen Good

A/N: Being totally clueless I actually uploaded this without a disclaimer! Whoops, but, I, in no way whatsoever own FFX-2, I only wish I did, but Square-Enix got there first, what with their superior ability and funding... -puppy dog eyes- Please don't sue me, I need money to buy shoes!  
Never mind! Second time lucky, this upload may see the light of day! Feedback is greatly appreciated, especially if it's constructive, if you just don't like the pairing, you had suitable warning outside, so don't yell at me, I'm fragile, -mock-sniffles-  
One more thing, if anyone would like to Beta for me, I will worship at their feet, because I'm really bad at finding my own spelling mistakes, which would be why I make them in the first place... -rolls eyes- Anywho, I'd also be glad to repay the favour, seeing as I pride myself on the ability to differentiate between the various spellings of 'there', as well as proper uses of 'then' and 'than'! -grins triumphantly- Now... on with the show or something!

"..." Speech  
'...' Quote or emphasis  
-_italics- _Thoughts

**Under the Surface,Chapter One: Gather round and listen good**

Resultant from the bitterly ironic gift of hindsight, I really suppose I should have noticed my sudden dislodgement from the high wire of sanity and the consequent fall into utter madness.

With the aid of my failing organ of cognitive function, I can hazard a feeble guess that my problems started when my ultimate nightmare scenario came true… and you can hardly blame a girl for losing her marbles over the sheer magnitude of this lurid proclamation. Imagine, if you will, the day from hell, '_my day from hell'_ to be exact and just a wee bit pedantic. Indulge me; I've earned it many times over.

The Gullwings had been having a rather regular day, until a mass of calls came in. Not surprisingly, hardly any of them were regarding the prospect of sphere hunting, which is our _profession_, though for some _strange_ reason whenever Yuna's name is mentioned people seem to forget that, so we had to take a lot of the other calls to keep the cash flow out of the red. It's not a glamorous life, but I get to travel, plus, if we find you-know-who for Yunie, the smile she'll wear for the rest of her life will be reason enough to indulge some stupidly rich clientele who just want the High Summoner to fix their insignificant problems.

Anyways, after traipsing all over the island of Besaid for some ciphers,

_I tell you, it would've taken less time to **guess** the combination_-

which were eventually discovered with the aid of some little children who were exuberant enough to make the climb up the craggy bluffs, we found Wakka in what now seems to me a permanent state of brooding. I mean, he hardly reacts when I poke him in his pot belly and mock him anymore! Not that I take pleasure from being mean, it's just that Lu's the one eating for two and she's as thin as she was two years ago!

Well, we got the sphere, so the expedition was worthwhile, I suppose, even if it was just footage of a treasure chest we'd already raided. It was pretty late in the day by then, what with the hours we'd spent foraging for four measly numbers.

We'd then battled our way through the tourists in Zanarkand, only to discover that my own father was responsible for making money out of one of my most precious memories! I know, I'm an Al Bhed, we say that memories are only memories, but when the seven of us sat around that fire, it was the first time in my whole life that I'd felt connected, a part of something. I admit we were a motley bunch, but it was the first time I was just Rikku, without my heritage tainting the judgement of others.

I swear to Yevon I almost knocked one of those cloned tour guide's teeth out! I eventually _was_ brought to the point of mass homicide when she said: fabulous! For like, the two thousandth time. However, that was before that good for nothing Pop of mine asked me if I'd like to buy a damned clue! I gave him a piece of my mind alright, the stupid old coot. Like anyone with half a brain cell wouldn't guess that it was monkey! Apart from Yunie, bless her heart… Key-mon? Then Isaaru and his cringe-worthy game show host dialogue? I lost my faith in humanity then. Anyway, as I obviously hadn't suffered enough I was rewarded with a sphere fragment. That's right, fragment, not a whole, a half!

So we returned to the Celsius, where stupid Brother was still pretending to be crippled after the incident at Gagazet. I mean, at the beginning, he was all: Look after Rikku! Then, my name was no longer mentioned in conversation. First I'm addressed as a liability then I'm not addressed at all! Honestly, the whole incest issue is too horrible for me to even contemplate anyway. I'm just relieved that Yunie's clueless. I'm hoping like hell that Paine won't mention it though. I don't care how many respect points I lose, if she opens her mouth I'll throw her off the deck.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Macalania Woods. This is where my own cousin, hereby referred to as Miss. Goody-Two-Shoes for the rest of eternity, took O'aka the XXIII onboard so we could pay off his debt. At this rate with zippo, seeing as I've never owned that sum of Gil in my life, let alone at the moment. So, I was tired from running all over everywhere with little or no result, I was angry at my stupid family, I was facing becoming homeless if I over-drafted enough to help the peddler, or I had the debt collectors breathing down my neck. So far, so good right? We haven't even gotten to the truly harrowing part of the story kiddies.

Buddy had picked up info about hiring up at Djose Temple. This was what I was waiting for; I could hear the pocket change jingling in the scary recesses of my mind. Who cares if I had to deal with that jerk Gippal? If he was paying me enough I'd let him ruffle my hair any day! Of course I'd still grumble about it, but that's more on a basis of principle, because inflating Gippal's ego any further means that it would have to have a town of its own to inhabit. This was where my tenuous hold on reality went bye-bye. Yeah, I skimmed through the rest of the trauma, just to hammer home my suffering with just that little pinch more of emotive emphasis. I'd say sue me, but you know about my money problems, so there'd be no point whatsoever in trying.

We'd stood in line, me bouncing happily, because even if patience isn't my strong suit, money speaks my language. That's when good ole pain in the ass Gippal showed up. Walked past the three of us like we didn't exist, pompous creep that he is and all, because it's hard for him to show respect for anyone, let alone the girl who saved the world. Ok, I more than helped, but she deserves the glory, end of discussion.

Anyway, I almost chased after him to ask what the hell he was playing at, but I know Gippal, he's just trying to posture, he'll act all: Why would I need to be impressed with the celebrity, I'm better than she is!

Ok, I'm not really hiding my blazing dislike of the man, but you can't blame me. He's ruffled my hair, insulted me and called me Cid's Girl for as long as I can remember, plus he's an arrogant bastard.

So, we went in, right? Gippal was no longer taking interviews, because three a day must be seriously taxing and all. I told Paine and Yunie to wait outside while I prepared to break out the ass whooping. Stupid Gippal got the last word though, obviously trying to flirt with my poor cousin. That's what the man does, hits on anything with breasts in a skirt. A personality isn't a prerequisite, neither is a pulse, just the boobs really. Well, I'd stormed up to him, poked him hard with a painted finger in the chest, and then got really distracted. Yeah, beginning of the madness I tell you, not because of Gippal and his sexy muscles.

_GAH!-_

Ok, I'll switch to the exact conversation, seeing as you'll definitely believe that infinitely more than listening to me having a schizophrenic argument because I'm still in denial.

_What? It's a good place to be!_-

Anyways, I'd just backed the hell away from the leader of the Machine Faction and decided to interrogate some little kid.

He was bent over his work intently, merrily playing with a screwdriver so he could check the wiring. Obviously the poor little mite had to work some of the bugs out yet. I handed him a screwdriver that would actually be of any use, I mean, the other one was bigger than he was, bless, -_ok, mustn't get broody just because he's cute.-_ He muttered a thank you, whether due to embarrassment or the catalytic converter strapped to his face I will never know.

"Thanks for the screwdriver; I just need to deal with some finishing touches. I've created a mini-hover, you see! I'm such a genius!" The way he said that made me think of Shinra and I had to smile. "However, the main glitch is that… well…" I'm sure he'd be blushing if I could see under the mask. "It kind of, can't turn left…" I fought the urge to hug him and coo at the little midget, instead pointing out that a connecting wire had come loose. "Excellent! Now everyone will be in awe of my invention!" He cried triumphantly and I gave him a congratulatory high five.

"What will it transport?" I asked, giving myself a distraction from the hole Gippal seemed to be glaring into my back as much as indulging the little one. Honest to Yevon, I thought my robes were going to melt! Oh, yeah, I'd switched dress sphere in anticipation of this meeting, because I'm uncomfortable showing so much, skin, around people, the monsters can have me in a bikini, but I'm not giving anyone with the possibility of cognitive mental behaviour the chance of mocking my lack of anything to fill said bikini. Sad, I know, but for my height and frame it's impossible to have anything more than I have without a hell of a lot of help. Anyways, there I was, dressed like a soon to be melted nun, staff strapped to my back and praying to all that was good and holy that Gippal would just leave. I was snapped out of my reverie by the young mechanic stuttering his answer.

"Well… you see… we haven't found anything that… can actually… you know… fit… on it yet…" I bit my lip to prevent an outburst of laughter, it'd crush him, I knew.

"Why don't you use it to transport smaller joining parts, like screws, nuts, bolts, spanners, you know, the small and light stuff, it usually takes way too long to get them over here or to Bikanel." His face lit up, I'm sure it did, again I damn that mask!

"That's a great idea lady!" He cried, ok, I just got called 'lady', I feel strangely old…

"I'm Rikku, pleased to meet you!" This was slightly altered from what I wished to say: I'm Rikku, can I keep you? Before he could speak however, I was tapped quite firmly on the shoulder and spun to face the blazing eye of Gippal. I did what could be expected; I laughed nervously and stared like a chocobo in the headlights of an oncoming hover.

"You done ignoring me Cid's Girl? Or should I go stand in the corner until you're brave enough to tell me that you want to dig?" Ooh… damn his smugness…

"None of your damn business what I want!" I spat, realising far too late that of course it was his business, which he jumped on phenomenally quickly.

"Really? Because usually if people come here they want a job… and I hand out these jobs. However, if you just wanted an excuse to see me, for which I can't blame you, then I'd still prefer it if you asked my permission to ogle." He said through that same damned smirk.

"The day I'd wish to ogle you would be the day I was worse off on the eye front than YOU, Gippal!" I screeched, before clapping a hand over my mouth. That was uncalled for, even against someone like Gippal the almighty jerk. "I'm sorry; I should never have said that." He waved me off, but I saw his smirk had left the building and felt even more hideously guilty. "Ok, ok, misdirection failed, Gippal, let me stare at your sexy body, please!" I asked, on my knees, puppy dog eyes out in full force. Yeah, I was as stunned as he was, let me tell you. I still cringe remembering that moment. The smirk came backso wideI was almost blinded by its entrancing shiny-nessand I knew my apology had been accepted.

"Well Cid's Girl, you could've saved us both a lot of years of heartache if you'd just admitted you need me so badly." I fought the rising urge to dropkick him to the unyielding, icy flagstones and then dance on his stupid ego-inflated head. Instead I weakly said:

"I have a name…" Yeah, I'd somehow lost this round because of my darned conscience.

"I know you have a name, Cid's Girl." He grinned and I growled.

"Anyways, we want to dig, give us something with your official seal emblazoned upon it or whatnot so I can leave…" I muttered angrily, glaring at the floor like it was responsible for this change in the balance of power.

"Official seal? That's not a half bad idea! I could have personal little stamps with my face on them!"

_I'd prefer to stamp YOUR face_.-

"Yeah, great…" I mumbled distractedly, conjuring many painful deaths for the arrogant man.

"First, I need to borrow you for a sec; that ok with you?" I nodded in his vague direction until I suddenly noticed I was being dragged into Gippal's room, by Gippal, the Gippal I had just told I ogled… Ooh dear… I had not expected to come face to face with daddy dearest.

Oh crikey it was a set up.

"Hi sweetie, what a surprise to see you here!" Cid exclaimed, looking all the world for someone who had been waiting for my arrival for quite some time. This is where I should've run; screaming for everything I was worth so maybe Paine could come and save me. Not that she would've saved me, I think she finds it amusing when I suffer, but it was worth a shot, right? Yunie could help me! Then again, she looked about comatose after Gippal had gotten it on with the flirtation. This was when I realised I was screwed, hopelessly, utterly up a creek without any way of getting myself out of said creek, with water infested with eels and leeches just in case I decided to swim for it. At that point in time I was ready to brave the leeches. I mumbled something along the lines of: Look at the time! Then I started to hastily back pedal to the doorway. I felt the cool metal come up against my shoulder blades and panicked.

_Why is the door shut? When did the door shut?-_

To answer these questions I spun round and desperately tried to open the door. The door was not only closed, it was also locked. I quickly turned round again, full of a dangerous mixture of ire and fear, to see Gippal waving the key at me, cocky grin on his annoying face.

"Looking for something?" He asked, knowing what I wanted but obviously doubtful of the lengths I would go to so I could get it. I leapt at the key, full body tackling him to the floor. Yup… he didn't see that one coming.

"GIVE ME THAT KEY!" I bellowed, which I must admit is rather out of character for me, but as I blame for everything now: madness. Gippal must have been deaf even before I yelled, so he didn't relinquish the key. In response to this ultimate act of stupidity, I wrenched my staff from my back and whacked him full in the face with it. From the way father winced he heard the crunch of cartilage as well. He seemed to have decided that Gippal might need some help, so I was bodily hoisted off him, flailing wildly with my stick. I managed to crack one of the guards in the kneecap with my heel and the other got an elbow in the kisser, so I was temporarily free again.

Cringing, because I don't actually like hurting people if I can help it, I beat the two poor guards into the happy land of the unconscious and went after Gippal for my key. He'd gotten up at this stage, but his nose was streaming blood and I could trace the imprint of my staff head in his face. He looked angry. Well, angry was a bit of an understatement, if looks could kill, I'd be dust in the wind by now. I did the whole, nervous laughter again and hid my staff behind my back. I must admit at present that this was not the wisest thing to do, because without my scary weapon he thought it was a good idea to lunge at me. Too many people underestimate me I'm afraid, I've got the best reflexes in the game! I don't quite know which game we were playing, but I would win it, definitely, what with my mad skills and all. Er… Yeah, I'm trying to avoid recounting snapping my arm out to wrench the staff in a whirling overhead arc, all equipped with a nifty pirouette, that quite possibly split his skull. If there's any compromise for anyone, he did drop like a stone right away, so he couldn't have been in THAT much pain, right?

Leaning over the out cold Gippal, I dropped my staff to grab the key and clap in delight. This was my greatest mistake in a big list of stupid mistakes. Father had snuck up behind me and grabbed me, trapping my arms at my sides and leaving my legs useless. I struggled anyway, snapping my head back to give Pops one heck of a black eye, but the infernal man still wouldn't let me go! Not even when I asked politely! "GEROFFAME!" Okay… not exactly polite… or coherent… but I asked! Well… ordered… demanded… not that synonymous with asked…

"That any way to greet your own father? Kids these days! Just ain't got no respect fer their elders!" He said, giving me the disappointed parent act, still holding me fast in his bear hug.

"Pops, you don't get to pull 'disappointed father' out of your bag of tricks, not when you spend 90 of the time playing 'absentee father'." I grumbled, having ceased my struggling because it wasn't getting me anywhere and my legs were beginning to feel like lead weights.

"Most fathers don't have kids like you and Brother…" He muttered back.

"Whose fault could that possibly be, Father of the Year?" I snapped sarcastically.

"Beats me, DAUGHTER, but spare me the compliments, my ears are burning!" He said, laughing at me. Yes, the man had the audacity, the NERVE, to laugh at me!

"Ok, no compliments then. I guess seeing as we have to wait for Gippal the Great to return to the land of consciousness; I have to talk to you about Zanarkand." I said, quite seriously, well, I snorted a bit when I mentioned Gippal, but it was quite funny.

"In all due time girl, but this conversation might not take place at all." He laughed bitterly and I tried to turn my head in askance. "Young Gippal over there will wake up, take one look at you, call off all bets and run!" This time he laughed in genuine amusement.

"You're not going to give me a heads up until he wakes up, are you?" I asked, groaning in vexation. I like knowing stuff, it's a vice, and it pisses me off when I'm out of the loop.

"Of course not, I'd prefer you to settle down enough to let the poor boy talk to you before you break his nose!" He chuckled and I blushed. "Again!" I do regret hitting Gippal, I know he's evil, but it sounded like it really hurt. "I'll tell you that I warned him though, said you weren't going to take this sitting down, didn't quite expect guns blazing however." I could tell by his voice that he had quirked an eyebrow and was shooting me a sardonic look.

"I've had a really bad day. On the best of days, dealing with Gippal is a dampener, today of all days? He's lucky to be alive." I said, glaring disdainfully at the sprawl of limbs. Cid laughed again.

"I think I should've waited before unveiling my tours, right?" He asked.

"You shouldn't have them in the first place! It's… it's…" I stuttered irately.

"Like turning Home into a theme park?" He asked, sounding guilty.

"Father, I can't expect you to understand, but we had to work so hard to get there, as did the Summoners and Guardians before Yunie and me. It was the last place where we were all together, happy, before… he… left us. Where we knew where we were going, there was a dark cloud, threatening to burst overhead, but we fought it every step of the way. We found a way, but it was… so hard… Tidus was the closest friend I had… Yunie, she loved him so much… and I couldn't tell her that he had to leave, because the Fayth were tired of dreaming, because there was no other way we could save her." I stammered through a sentimental soliloquy, frustrated with myself and my loss of my happy go lucky demeanour. "She would have died, in vain, and it would start all over again. So we made the sacrifice for her, and it hurt her more than I could ever have imagined. She wasn't a fighter, her Aeons weren't strong enough to protect her, she wasn't strong enough to protect herself, so we fought for her, while she watched creatures bonded to her soul extinguished, because there was no other way that we could find. We took two precious things from her, to save every other worthless, undeserving life, because that's what it is to be selfless. That's right; I didn't feel selfless as I watched her cry until there was nothing left. I watched her ribs showing clearer each day, I saw the deep rims under her eyes etched ever deeper, and all I could tell myself is that Spira was safe, the Eternal Calm had come, I had done my duty. I didn't feelas damnedselfless as I should've done." I bit my lip as I felt his grip going lax, refusing to cry, refusing to feel it all again. "She's allowed a bit of self indulgence, father. She deserves this much. But where he stood, are tourists who cannot possibly understand what she has given them, so I ask you, give her the one thing you can give her, because she's not ready to give him up to memories yet." I tore myself from his grasp, pivoting to stare into his dark, shining eyes. "Do it or I will disown you, my heritage and whatever ridiculous plan you've come up with this time. Don't make me beg, father." I asked, staring hard into his eyes, so unlike my own, so similar in the emotions they contained.

There was a loud knock on the door, which quickly devolved to frantic banging. I opened the door to meet the concerned ruby eyes of Paine. I turned on the irritating yet endearing mega-watt smile. "Why hello there Paine, concerned about little old me?" I asked demurely, giggling saccharinely. Paine looked over at the three bodies and grinned.

"Worried for everyone else in the room with you, especially Gippal, but I believe his ass whooping was deserved. Ten respect points." She smiled softly.

_WHAT? It wasn't my fault I was abducted!-  
_

"PAINE! I didn't do anything wrong! I NEED those respect points! Why must you take them away?" When the worst comes to the worst, bring out the big guns: the high pitched, decibels louder than human beings could stand lung popping whine.

"If you don't want them you don't have to have them." She was smiling way too much. Paine smiling frightens me. Very, very much, I think it's because I laid the smack down on Gippal… interesting… -_Wait… I EARNED respect points?-  
_

"WHEEE!" I threw my arms around Paine's neck and squeaked happily.

"Stop that or you'll lose twenty." She grumbled. My arms went to my sides immediately and I laughed sheepishly.

"So, what's the emergency?" I asked, trying to change the subject from my losing of the respect points.

"Well, we were wondering how long an ass kicking would take, but I'm glad you were so thorough, Yuna's only just come round from the flirting. She's still muttering an occasional: Unclean, but she's not flipping out anymore." Paine tried not to smile, but I was doubled over in laughter.

"Gippal has that effect on women… he likes to think he doesn't, but he's not all that good with the flirtation aspect of wooing." I giggled and swore I heard Pops growl. Gippal sat bolt upright, looked at the three of us, each shooting him death glares and whimpered like a frightened puppy.

"Well, Miss. Paine was it?" He continued at her brusque nod. "I'll be sure to return my daughter to you shortly, but I need to speak with her and Gippal, for just a moment, if you don't mind." He said, not pulling off suave and debonair by any stretch of the imagination. Paine looked to me in askance, before shooting another look at Gippal and biting back a snigger. I took the time to give him the once over and flushed crimson. His face still looked like it had been pressed in a waffle iron, his nose was swollen and puffy and still trickling blood that was rapidly clotting over his lips and chin, whilst he was sporting a rather colossal bump on the back of his head, which seemed to have split from the blood it was pouring.

"Did I do all that?" I asked desperately, wide eyed. Cid looked at me and grinned wryly.

"In two blows… sometimes I forget how much you take after your mother…" He chuckled and I crouched over the moaning Gippal, readying my staff for a curative spell. He saw the staff of doom, shrieked like a little girl and tried to back away.

Paine had actually cracked up by this point, which was freaking me out an awful lot, but I couldn't complain, happy Paine was a welcome change, heck, if she wasn't all monotonous _anything _was a welcome change! Gippal was still shuffling slowly backwards, not making much leeway in his concussed state of mind.

"Gippal, I'm not going to hurt you," I started in a gentle, talking to a small child armed with something horrible and liable to be very difficult to get out of hair and clothes voice. Gippal whimpered and shuffled faster. The overall effect was like a crab scuttling without the aid of many of its legs and would be hysterically funny if I didn't feel so guilty. Obviously my ploy had failed so I decided to use the voice that got Pops and Brother to shut up for a second instead of fighting. This voice has been honed to perfection over many years of my embarrassing family duking it out, usually at public functions, which is another drawback of being the 'Princess' of a people, let me tell you, if I'm not breaking Pops and Brother up I'll be otherwise 'engaged' with the bachelor Pops has auctioned me off to for the evening. Nevertheless, the voice always does the job, so don't knock it. "GIPPAL! SIT STRAIGHT, SIT STILL AND DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE OR YOU WILL REGRET IT UNTIL THE END OF YOUR MISERABLE LITTLE LIFE!" I screamed.

Pops, Gippal and even Paine stood, or slumped in Gippal's case, to attention, staring at me with wide, frightened eyes. The storm cloud over my head seemed to instantly dissipate and the demonic fire in my eyes was extinguished and I exuded mellowness. I smiled softly at Gippal, whose muscles seemed to be acting against the orders of his terrified and overloaded mind, given the fact that his limbs were trembling. This was imperceptible to the others in the room, but I saw it alright, what with his face being two inches from my own.

I probably should have spent my time in a wiser way, instead of staring for a good long while before confirming that his eye was the colour of the ocean. It was a mixture of blues and greens, you know, where the sea just begins to leave the aqua coloured shallows, swirled into the sapphire of the depths. Oh, plus there are little flecks of silver, like the foam on the crests of the waves. They change colour when he's happy.

I'm insane… He was looking at me strangely, as if just noticing I was there, for the first time. I smiled softly and closed my eyes, flickering from my physical vision to the iridescent spectrum given to me by the dress sphere. I must admit I'm not as given to the arts of ancient magic as Yunie, or Lu, but I could cast anything I damn wanted to! I just, might end up in a coma afterwards…

I saw the magic meandering around the contours of the staff's head, colours racing each other and colliding in a fine mist of light. Concentrating hard, I managed to coax the magic out, infusing my fingertips with it. I drew the patterns with familiar ease, watching the glyphs gyrating and pulsating under closed lids. I moved my hand to Gippal's face, watching my fingers streaming stardust, little rivulets of life dancing upon his breath as he exhaled sharply. I opened my eyes and saw his panic. Oops, I probably looked even crazier going off into what appeared to be La La Land. Dropping my staff, I caught the hand straining towards me and squeezed gently, touching my fingers to his face and closing my eyes again. I gently pushed the magic into Gippal's offended appendage and the fragments of crushed cartilage straightened and knit together. I then traced the superficial epidermal damage, watching the skin expand and restore, the tiny blood vessels summoning back the lost life essence and sealing themselves tightly against further invasion and wanton destruction. Running my hand through blood matted hair, I located the colossal bump with a small wince, probably from all parties involved, then proceeded to irrigate the inundation of plasma and repair more damaged blood vessels. The skin had closed over itself and I couldn't detect any other cranial trauma, so I discharged the magic back into the staff and let out a tired sigh. Opening my eyes to meet the confused stare of Gippal I waved feebly.

"Take two potions and call me in the morning!" I giggled drunkenly and slumped forward into his lap.

A/N: Ta-da! does weird dance Remember, feedback is appreciated very very much begs Review! I'll give you shiny things! Well, maybe not COOL shiny things... more like... tin foil...

Thanks for the advice, faithful reviewers, I hope I've double-spaced enough... I am so very bad with machina...


	2. Chapter Two: Bombshells for Blondes

A/N: Chapter two dedicated to Becky as she could be bothered to review! –hugs her to death- OOH! And Rachel, who is TRYING to read it! (Not saying she's illiterate in any way, shape, or form... STOP GLARING AT ME!) Well, this chapter does have a wee cliff-hanger, albeit an obvious one. I hope you guys like! Ah, the Disclaimer... AGAIN... I don't own Final Fantasy X-2, Square-Enix does, lucky... -mumbles angrily- Neither does Rachel, who is a real person and TOTALLY not a figment of my imagination! What? It's true! -giggles-

"…" speech

_-italics- _thought

**Chapter Two: A Bombshell for Blondes**

The next thing I knew Yuna was looking at me in that overprotective mother hen way that makes me think that she really is getting old.

"Mana depravation! Rikku! What were you thinking?" Her voice was shrill and piercing as she bombarded me with reprimands.

"Eh-heh-heh? Yunie, do me a favour and lower the volume just a tad, pretty please?" I whined, turning on the puppy dog eyes that no one alive can disappoint.

"Spells aren't supposed to be that concentrated! You know full well how dangerous that could have been; if Paine hadn't come and gotten me you could have died!" She hissed, only marginally quieter. She's a hard lady; I suppose you'd have to be, to defeat Sin and all.

"Yunie, I know it was stupid to drain myself, but it was my fault I concussed him in the first place." I whined, jutting out my lower lip and adopting a petulant frown. Yuna was having none of it, and I had to wonder if Pops had broken the news of his latest scheme, starring yours truly, and she needed someone to take it out on…

"No Rikku, it won't work like that! Don't you understand that if you want to protect the people you care about you can start by protecting yourself?" She asked, finally allowing the fear to permeate the ire in her eyes.

"Huh?" I asked eloquently. She came and sat down with me on the foreign bed I was in, taking my hand as she perched on the mattress.

"You just rush in; you don't have any concern for your own safety, only ours. While I'm honoured by your sentiment, each time I watch you fight I worry. You need us and we want to help you, but you're too stubborn to let us!" She said, rather harshly. As if acknowledging this she apologised with her eyes and wrapped an arm around my shoulders."You can't take the world on by yourself, Rikku; you can't do that and win." I embraced my cousin and held her tight as she let out her fear on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Yunie. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt like this, I've been acting like a little kid, all this time." I mumbled, almost in disbelief. "Of course you can help me, there's no one else I'd rather have watching my back." I said softly, slowly stroking Yuna's back.

"Promise?" She hiccupped. I smiled and hugged her tighter.

"I promise. You, me and Dr. P are a team, the greatest sphere hunters in all of Spira!" I crowed, grinning harder when Yunie laughed.

"Don't let Brother hear you say that." She giggled. I rolled my eyes at the suggestion before adopting an oafish pose.

"I am the leader! Do as I say! We will do exactly what Yuna tells us to, but you shall believe it was my decision!" I bellowed in Brother's heavy accent. Yunie dissolved into a fit of laughter and I watched as Paine strode through the doorway, sword in hand and a murderous look in her eyes. This was quickly replaced by confusion and she shook her head, silvery grey strands whipping round her face.

"I could have sworn that that good-for-nothing brother of yours had gotten in here. I think I need a lie down…" She delivered in an almost puzzled monotone before turning round and leaving as abruptly as she entered. Yunie proceeded to laugh harder until her shoulders shook. My eyes were screwed shut tight and I was wheezing in between giggles. Paine appeared in the doorway again, looking more stunned than she was before. "You're awake?" She asked me. I thought this question was rather redundant, but I was too busy laughing to point this out. Paine muttered something about me being mental and left again, now commenting on how she needed to take a break. From what, I do not know…

After we'd eventually calmed down enough to breathe normally again, after a few false starts on both our parts I allowed Yunie to help me off the bed.

"Am I forgiven for being a selfish meanie?" I asked, scraping the toe of my boot on the marble floor tiles and shifting awkwardly. I guessed that no one had been bothered to dress my like an invalid and pouted, my skirt would be creased something awful…

"Rikku, you know I find it harder to stay mad at a kitten than you." She said, muttering something about how vexing my ability to play her like a fiddle was. "Of course you're forgiven." I squealed and hugged her, regretted it instantly because the world started spinning and then cursed the magic drain like a sailor.

Mana depravation is like a really evil hangover. It's the only thing I've been able to compare it to so far and for most counts it's been pretty apt. Not saying I do this often… Eh-heh?

"Methinks I need some head-unhurting-thingy…" I mumbled forlornly, pinching the bridge of my nose. Yunie turned back into concerned mother hen and ushered me back to the bed.

"You lie down while I get you an ether, ok?" She asked, smoothing my hair back as she forced me horizontal. Has she been working out or am I that decrepit all of a sudden?

"Yunie, I can get it myself…" I whined feebly, but she cut off my protests with a stern look and waltzed out of the door.

As soon as it shut firmly behind her, I rose from the bed torpidly, wincing as a lightning bolt of pain sparked the length of my right eyebrow and pressure built at the base of my skull. I shirked off all pain and almost all dizziness and fumbled with the doorknob. I absentmindedly brushed stray bangs out of my eyes with the hand free from my epic battle, eventually having to settle for puffing small gusts of air to get them out of my vision as the world continued to sway like I was on a small bark in a tsunami. They fell back into place obstinately, fractions of a second later, of course, seeing as door opening wasn't already hard enough, before I was triumphantly stumbling into the atrium of the temple. I suppose I must have been put up in one of the side rooms. Well, I was just going to show Yunie that I could find the medicine all by my bitty lonesome, so she could get off my case and we could leave. After finding out I was still in an area with Pops and Gippal close at hand, leaving had become my top priority.

Unfortunately my escape was balancing on a knife edge, seeing as any of the workers could alert Gippal to my presence in mere moments and, from the way they were all staring at me, I wasn't all that inconspicuous either. I heard heavy boots on the marble and the hairs at the back of my neck prickled in anticipation. I continued to drunkenly stagger to my light at the end of the tunnel, hoping nobody would comment.

"Hey! People! I don't pay you to sit around, gawping at… half naked chicks?" I felt his eye on my back and resisted the urge to look down. I knew if I did I'd hunt Yunie down and wouldn't be held responsible for my actions. "Loyal workers, I forgive you, the sight in front of you is damn distracting. However, I think we need to have a talk about informing your leader beforehand about the hot, scantily clad, runaway super models in the temple, ok?" My face started to flame at the whole, being ogled at thing, until my lips curved up in a wicked smile. Knowing Gippal, even if he did find me attractive he'd never tell me, meaning he had no idea who I was! I was FREE! I continued to leave, head held high and hips sashaying as I lurched my way to the exit. Then a hand clapped down on my shoulder and the dream died.

I flinched before bracing myself for the mocking, tipping my head down and screwing my eyes shut. Then I opened them again when my state of undress was burned under my eyelids. I was in my Thief dress-sphere, just without my scarf, cool swishy arm things and, most importantly, my skirt. I'd just strolled out in front of a bunch of men in a bikini top and thong! Thong! If possible, I blushed even redder and resisted the growing urge to strangle Yunie to death with said thong. "What's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?" He asked, and even through my fear I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the clichéd chat-up line. I felt his warm breath in my ear and his callused hand on my shoulder, grip tightening as he prepared to spin me around to face him. Trembling slightly, I again tried to slowly walk away. "Oh no you don't," I was pirouetted round, teeth grit, face scarlet, eyes wide and very underdressed and did the only thing I could: I waved; "Cid's Girl?" He screeched, retracting his hand like he'd been burned and almost falling down in the process. I offered him a nervous giggle, which was almost a perpetual problem whenever Gippal was around. Then, realising that this would definitely NOT salvage my dignity, I glowered at him and jabbed him in the chest with my trusty index pointing finger.

"I DO have a name, you know!" I cried indignantly. He seemed even more taken aback by my sudden mood swing and just continued to stare. "Come on Gippal, it's not too taxing! Say it with me now: Rikku… Don't be shy: Rikku…" I said, with as much condescension as I dared. His vision unclouded and he smirked.

"Cid's… Girl…" He drawled, drawing out every letter. My hands closed into fists and I growled softly. "Awwww… do you purr if I stroke you?" He asked, eye sparkling with mirth. Subconsciously I struggled to cover every single bare expanse of skin with my hands and I made a small sound. I think it was an: Eep… "I'll take that as a 'no' then. It's a shame…" He said, ruffling my hair. I jerked my head away, almost slapping him with the long, loose strands.

"Don't… touch me…" I ground out.

"Sorry Cid's Girl!" He exclaimed worriedly, acting as if he was actually sorry. This worried me… "I won't do it again, now that I know how you can't resist me!" He laughed and I saw red. Again I tackled him to the floor, straddling his thighs as I got ready to break his nose again. If anything his smirk got wider. "See what I mean? I'm sorry though, Rikku…" If I wasn't so caught on the fact that he'd actually said my name I would have noticed the malicious glint in his eye. I smiled dreamily instead, ecstatic that the most vexing man alive had finally succumbed to my greatness and treated me with some damned respect. "Your father will be here any minute now so we can't give in to these urges, but, it would be one hell of a way to go, eh?" He grinned up at me and waggled his eyebrows and I was off him so fast I almost blinked and missed it. I started to point at him and gibber inanely and incoherently, unable to comprehend the thought of… THAT… with Gippal! Gippal of all people! Gippal! He flashed me a beatific smile and fluttered his eyelashes. "Awwww… you care about little old me!" He gushed. I ran back to the room I had recently left, hands thrown wantonly in the air and screaming. "Your stuff's on my bedside table! I'll catch up with you here!" He called after my retreating form. I slammed the door and then began to process the information.

HIS room meant HIS bed, meaning I slept in HIS bed, where HE sleeps… I resumed my shrieking, adding intermittent comments of 'Gippal germs'. I started to shriek louder when I saw Pops was sitting on the bed. Opening the door, barrelling a concerned Yunie out of the way, stopping momentarily to catch the bottle of ether out of the air, I ran like a bat out of hell, with all manners of scary beasts from the inferno chasing me, again knocking Gippal to the ground in the process, out of Djose Temple, across the highroad, paying no heed to the confused wannabe diggers staring at me, until I'd safely reached the bridge of the Celsius. Looking around me, wild eyed, I dived for cover under Shinra's work surface and put a finger to my lips.

"I'm not here, ok?" I asked desperately. Shinra gave me a derisive glare and shrugged.

"I'm just a kid…" I nodded gratefully and proceeded to rock back and forth, biding my time until this nightmare blew over.

I was bored less than two minutes later, so I took the stopper out of the ridiculously intricate frosted glass bottle, glancing at the sticky liquid in the indigo container with nothing short of utter disgust. I crinkled my nose in displeasure and sighed, taking a small sip. My immediate reaction was to gag and make a strangled sound, grimacing horribly as my tongue tried to force itself out of my mouth. Pop's cooking was better than this! Which really was saying something, let me tell you!

The only things my Pops was actually good at included the vast list of machina, making an ass out of himself and Sand Storms. No, father dearest could not conjure up the wrath of Mother Nature; he could make a mean cocktail. Of his own invention, created when he was at the stage of inebriated hangover which meant drinking more would help him feel better. Yeah, drinking doesn't help his social skills either so Yevon knows why he spends so much time devoted to the cause. He'd grabbed all the alcohol and random sugar related products that our dysfunctional family possessed and threw them all together. The drink definitely lives up to its namesake, there's an 87.8 chance that you'll be on the floor and unable to see after you've finished the first one alone. Plus it looks like sludge. Also, with all the sugar and caffeine in it, there're warnings for diabetic comas and epileptic fits, even if you're not a previous sufferer…

So, referring back to daddy's cooking skills, which are non-existent by the way, a simple, brutally honest explanation would be that he could burn water without having to try too hard. So this ether tasted pretty damn bad, praise be to Shiva for my cast iron stomach or I would have puked on Shinra's galoshes. Pinching my nose and trying unsuccessfully to keep my tongue well out of the way of the foul concoction, I knocked it back in one long, pained swallow and then did a repeat performance of gagging and wheezing pathetically. Shinra didn't deem me worthy of attention, which would have hurt more if he hadn't have been doing exactly what I told him to.

In the distance I heard Yunie's voice, echoing around the airship with a tinny quality, having adopted it from the excess of metal surrounding her. I sat stock still, obstinately refusing to contort my facial muscles in disgust at the aftertaste that would not go away. Eventually, her voice got more distant until she was out of earshot, probably now checking the cabin and engine room. Hopefully she'd bypass the bridge, for even though I trust Shinra implicitly, everyone in the world finds it hard to lie to Yunie. Well, anyone with an iota of decency in them. Either that or Buddy would rat me out, I hadn't actually checked to see if him or Brother were there. Which I probably should have done, in all semblance of hindsight. I heard the soft clanks of Yunie's boots on the walkway and the metallic clicks of Paine's heels as they arrived at the bridge.

"Brother! Have you seen Rikku anywhere?" Yunie asked in that vulnerable tone we all knew he couldn't resist.

"She is acting very strangely, yes?" He asked. Ugh, his accent was driving even me crazy, and I could empathise! However, I didn't sound like a Communist from the olden days.

"Well, stranger than usual." Paine said with a snort. I resisted the urge to cry out and call her a meany, when Brother damned me instead.

"Well, yes, she hides under Shinra!" He exclaimed. Great, now I sounded crazy, guilty and paedophilic. What a wonderful world we live in, where males are allowed to breathe…

Paine hefted me out easily, what with the height, weight and muscletone advantage she held over me, quirking a defined silver eyebrow in amused askance before setting me down on the floor. Yunie gave me a reproachful look.

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to show you that I wasn't an invalid! Then, then," I shuddered at becoming the target of Gippal's technique. "Oh Yevon it was horrible, I felt like a piece of meat!" I spat indignantly. Realisation dawned for all. Brother was striding purposefully towards the elevator, cursing in Al Bhed as he went, Yunie and Paine were exchanging heated glares at the thought of the chauvinistic pig and Buddy had decided to be Brother's backup. Shinra continued to work on his invention, not being at an age to understand boy girl interaction. "No! It was my fault! I thought I was still in my White Mage outfit! I didn't knowingly, but I still pranced out there in a thong!" I wailed, face again an interesting shade of vermillion which I tried to hide with my loose flaxen tresses. This seemed to piss Brother off more, but Yunie and Paine gave me a long, stern look, before dissolving into laughter. "Hey! It's not funny! I have no dignity at all now!" I moaned, railing at the injustice of the world.

"You had dignity?" Paine looked up to ask. I shot her a withering glare and pouted.

"Possibly… Well, probably not, what with all of my klutz attacks, but we're allowed a few delusions!" I wailed. Paine simply rolled her ruby eyes at me as Yunie hid a snicker behind her hand. "So, can we leave now?" I asked feebly. Paine seemed inclined to agree with me for once, but Yunie interrupted.

"Not until we go see Uncle Cid, he's got major news." She said, torn between amusement and horror. She knew…

"You know!" I cried indignantly. "Tell me! You have to!" I begged, crawling forward on my knees and grabbing her legs pitifully.

"I know nothing of the kind!" She said, meaning completely the opposite.

"Yunie, you have the worst poker face in the world, what makes you think you can trick your own cousin?" I asked, trying not to smirk. It was Yunie's turn to blush and she mumbled incoherently for a while. Her face suddenly lit up like she had the answer, but I was troubled at her evil grin.

"Well, you know it involves Gippal and yourself, right?" She drawled. I nodded slowly, arms still entwined in her legs. I released her and she started to pace like some hotshot lawyer that knows they've won. "And if I'm correct, that shouting is coming from Brother, and it's getting closer. If I'm correct, Gippal and Cid will be with him and Buddy. I may have a poor poker face, but I'm holding all the cards and you have approximately ten seconds to get them off me." She concluded with a grin and a wink. My jaw dropped like a stone. When did Yunie of all people become devious? I glared at Paine.

"Paine!" I screeched, "You broke Yunie!" Paine decided to answer by laughing as Yunie doubled up and I tried to hide under Shinra again. Concluding that that would only make me look more pathetic in the long run, I stood tall and straight, a ways from anyone so it was clear I had no moral support. I would have looked brave and confident, if my legs weren't trembling so badly. I'd started to bounce on the balls of my feet and chew my bottom lip, both sure fire signs that I was on the road to a nervous breakdown. Then Gippal leapt down from the walkway and I went: "Eep!" Again…

He strolled right up to me, tossing me a cocky grin, possibly as a reward for me not turning tail and running, who knows?

"Cid's Girl." He said, tipping his head in greeting. I continued to stand there, trembling and silent. I guessed I was supposed to continue this sham of a conversation until Pops came to tell me the bad news.

"Your face ok?" I asked shyly, staring at my feet and blushing. I still felt guilty for that, plus I was still in my underwear and the end of the world was around the corner, so I was allowed to be a teensy bit out of character!

"Yup! Good as new! Well… almost…" He said, gesturing to his eye patch.

"Good, I'm glad you don't have to spend the rest of your life masquerading as a waffle iron." I muttered distractedly. I heard Paine chuckle and felt the air move as Gippal turned to shoot a glare at her. "I'm really sorry I did it in the first place though… I didn't really have a good excuse." I muttered.

"Meh… it's not like I didn't deserve it, I'm just grateful you didn't hurt me worse! Who'd have thought Cid's Girl would have such an arm on her?" He asked jovially. Gippal just admitted fault and showed gratitude… all in one sentence. I looked out of the windscreen for flying pigs before slapping myself on the forehead for being so weird. Now I looked more psychotic than weird, great… I giggled nervously to break the awkward silence.

"No one deserves to be hit…" I said softly, resuming my habitual lip gnawing.

"Yeah, well, morality's never been awarded to us, so it's not unexpected that we return the favour. Plus, Cid's Girl, nothing hurts quite like your mouth." He said, grinning. My head snapped up and I met his gaze, pouting.

"Yup, all us Al Bhed got was hypocrisy, which I see you've also gotten pretty darn good at!" I chirped, sticking my tongue out for extra effect. Gippal clutched at his heart and mock groaned in agony.

"You wound me Cid's Girl!" He cried.

"Simmer down children, playtime's over." Paine called out to us. I turned to see Cid plodding down the steps, looking half pleased and half nervous as hell. He looked around at the group and cleared his throat loudly.

"Well, you know what I've called you all here for." He began.

"Uh, Pops, no? All I know is that this plan of yours is gonna be hella stupid and I'll have to Petrify Grenade you and then we'll drop you off back at Bikanel!" I stated perkily, adding hand gestures for emphasis. I think I looked a bit like a windmill…

"With the exception of my daughter, who cannot keep her mouth closed and will be doing nothing of the kind; we know why we're here. As you know I'm getting on…" He said, trying to milk some sympathy out of me, which wasn't going to happen. "And I have to select my successor." His elucidation wasn't really relieving the sense of foreboding in the back of my mind. "It was an obvious decision to make, due to Gippal's unchallenged skills and his awe-inspiring experience for one so young." He said. I'd been expecting this, but it still pissed me off that I'd be ex-princess and he'd be the big cheese, if solely for the consequence of his ego. "You also know, that, when possible, to help relations between the people as well as for reasons of tradition, that an alliance is forged between the old and the new." He stated.

The cogs in my mind began to turn. Did this mean I had to be Gippal's friend? Because if so, spare me.

"As one of my last acts as Chief, I announce the betrothal of my only daughter, Rikku, to my successor, Gippal!" He cried feebly.

I blinked.

Then I turned to look at my father.

Betrothal as in to betroth?

A/N: I've just returned from NYC after a six hour delay at JFK airport, and I'm jetlagged, tired, yet still strangely exuberant... I dunno whether it's cos I got a new reviewer or cos I got Prada shoes... -squeals- It's a little from column A, a little from column B...

I've also decided to make the rating more child-friendly, because I realised heavy swearing wasn't exactly gonna win me a Pullitzer. There will be some violence, but it will be to the monsters, who I consider too fugly to live anyway; and if Square-Enix can get away with killing things under an 11+ rating, then, by Jove, so can I!

Updates coming soon!


	3. Chapter Three: Indecent Proposals

A/N: STILL don't own Final Fantasy, STILL wish I did. I'm back from holiday now, so you, my loving public, -snickers- can harrass me a lot more, so I can actually reply to stuff! It's so nice to come home to a mailbox saying you have a review! -stares pointedly-

Anyways, this is a longer chapter than the others, but I couldn't really find a decent cut-off point anywhere else, so consider yourselves especially lucky or something...

**Chapter Three: Inde****cent Proposals**

"You want me to manufacture GIPPAL SPAWN?" I shrieked loudly. My so called friends, who were supposed to be rallying in my defence, all burst out laughing. I turned on them, eyes burning with demonic fire. "ALL OF YOU, OUT!" I screamed. All of them took off running. "FATHER, YOU STAY PUT!" He stopped jarringly and turned to face me, sighing. "Do I have a choice in the matter?" I asked forlornly. I didn't want to marry a man who didn't love me and who I didn't love back. I hardly even KNEW Gippal anymore. We hadn't been that close back at Home, let alone now…

"Of course you do sweetie. I just want you to be happy. But you'd shame us all by going against the ancient, time honoured tradition and we'd be cast out of society, but anything for my little girl!" He said. I felt the colour drain from my face.

What choice!

_What choice?-_

"One condition, Father, you do right by me and I'll play my part in this sham marriage." I said gravely. Pops nodded so I began. "You shut down the tours for Yunie and I'll marry Gippal, do we have a deal?" I asked, more bravely than I felt.

Cid's face broke out into a grin and he hugged me. I was startled to find that I had actually missed him when he initiated this simple gesture. How one intimate act of kinship just took away all of the absent moments from my mind was beyond me. Well, not quite, I loved the old man really; I just didn't like admitting that I needed him.

"You've made your old man proud!" He crowed excitedly. I swallowed and smiled weakly.

"Well, let's hope Gippal agrees to his terms and conditions, eh?" I asked feebly. Cid's beaming countenance flickered towards me and he sobered at my forlorn expression.

"I'll go fetch the lad; you just sit tight, okay Rikku?" He asked gently. I nodded with a soft, sad smile as he left me to my thoughts.

Did I want to marry Gippal? No, I could honestly say I didn't. The limited amount of his personality that had been on display to me over the years wasn't earning him any favours. I wasn't twelve anymore, so I cared about character. I didn't know if he was secretly some homicidal maniac, I didn't know him full stop.

Marriage is meant to be based on implicit knowledge of a partner, so trust can be built on those foundations, so love could blossom. From trust spawns monogamy as well, and I doubted Gippal would shuck off his playboy demeanour just because I had to play the little woman at home, I doubted he'd do that for anyone.

However, I was going to try damn hard to make a sham marriage work, just because I must have inherited Yuna's sense of duty without realising. I was going to sacrifice my life for a cause, and I doubted Yuna would try to kidnap me.

Well, I guess I always did believe that I'd get married, have obnoxious hyperactive children and live happily ever after, but obviously fate has a sense of humour that only people like Gippal can appreciate.

"You with us, Cid's Girl?" Gippal's voice cut viciously into my reverie and my eyes snapped up to his face. I sighed softly, for once strong enough not to rise to the bait.

"I'm with you, Gippal. I just wanted to tell you something, about, the, engagement…" I said, drawing out each dreaded syllable as if to retract their meaning. Gippal eyed me curiously, obviously uninformed of my answer.

"I'm all ears." He said amiably.

"I'll do it." I whispered. He opened his mouth immediately to protest, but my answer registered with an almost audible click and he clamped his jaw shut in surprise. His gaze lingered for an eternity, before he breathed heavily.

"Rikku, trust me on this, I know for a fact that you'd rather jump off a cliff than spend an extended period of time with me, but you're saying that you would 'marry me, in sickness, health, for rich, for poor, for being an utter jackass, till death do us part'?" He asked in utter bemusement. I nodded, feeling small and fragile.

"It all depends on you, Gippal. I wouldn't, by choice, marry someone I consider to almost be a stranger, but, if you're willing to overcome these obstacles, with me, then I'll give this sham everything I have." I decided.

"What would these obstacles entail?" He asked seriously. I was shocked at his compliance. Gippal never gave an inch if he didn't have to, and I was in no position to make demands.

"Well, I hope nothing too demanding, I won't ask you to join a cult or anything…" I muttered, trying to buy time while I constructed conditions. Gippal smiled at me.

"Whoo!" He said as a sigh of relief, "you had me worried for a sec there!" I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.

"However, if you're going to insist on playing it out like this, I'll put this in a way you'll understand. You're gonna have to 'woo' me Gippal." I said; quirking an eyebrow at his dumbfounded expression.

"I beg your pardon?" He asked, befuddled.

"Gippal, if I'm going to have to live with you I think it would be nice if I could last five minutes without bludgeoning you to death. So, because I'm willing to overlook all of your numerous faults, you're going to have to sweep me off my feet. Yep, you're going to play the knight in shining armour and you're going to try your damnedest to make me fall in love with you.

I will not restrict your freedom, but I do expect some basic courtesies. You will not go out whoring while attempting to court me. If in the end we do get married and you feel the need to satisfy yourself, I will be the one who gives you satisfaction. If I am to 'manufacture Gippal spawn' then I will not bring children into a broken home. Day or night, rain or shine, I will attend to what you want or need. However, do not take advantage of my kindness, or I will resent you more than any other cheating bastard I have come across.

I am making you this offer because if there's even a snowball's chance in hell of you and me working, I'll take that chance. You do not have to be at my beck and call, and I expect you to return the favour. We will still be individuals; I will not give up my life just because you expect me to be domesticated.

Finally, Gippal, you will have to work for this, because nothing ventured means nothing gained, I am not like the cheap women you are accustomed to, I will not ask 'how high' if you tell me to jump. I will tell you to sod off and do it yourself. I would not expect the same of you, if the situation were reversed. I have proposed an equal partnership which I wish to base on at least trust, if not something much more precious.

However, time will tell, or we'll call this sham off before it starts." I dictated, punctuating my points animatedly, yet my tone remained grave and solemn. Gippal seemed to linger far too long on the point made about satisfaction, but I didn't expect him not to.

"So, you're saying that I'm free to do what I wish, apart from shamelessly flirt?" He asked slowly.

"You'll have to do more than that if you want me to be much of a fun life partner, but essentially, yes." I stated.

"You want me to make you fall in love with me?" He asked, his tone sounding amusingly suspicious.

"Yes, I want to be besotted with you. I want to eagerly hang upon your lips, as the quote goes, I want to want you home and in my arms and satiated until we're both too exhausted to continue. I want my happy ending dammit, and you will NOT spoil it for me." I concluded vehemently.

"Then you've got a deal, Rikku." He answered with a genuine smile, warmth in his eye and a small amount of colour in his highly accentuated cheeks. I smiled back and extended my hand, which he clasped gently, bringing it up to press against his lips. My eyes widened in pleasant surprise and he grinned at me. The smile almost split his face, though his eye twinkled with mirth there was none of the usual malice behind it. "Chivalry ain't quite dead yet, not if I have anything to say about it!" He drawled as I tried to quell my rising blush. I was quite irritated that I actually found myself attracted to this side of Gippal, even if it was an act. If he was playing games, they were still solely for me, and the notion didn't bother me half as much as it would have in the past.

"That's good to hear, even if I'm far too cynical to believe you." I said through a slight chuckle.

"Well, I'll have to convince you, but you'll forgive me if I don't break out the romancing around your little buddies?" He asked.

"Of course not, I couldn't expect you to allow such a blow to your ego; you have a reputation to uphold, after all." I quipped.

"Exactly, plus, you're a fantastic verbal sparring partner." He grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "You're also a fantastic physical sparring partner, but my ego's not quite ready to have my ass so thoroughly kicked so shortly after the first beating I suffered at your dainty little hands." He said with no bitterness, just a tinge of embarrassment.

"No problem, I'm sure my pride would take more of a beating from Paine if she found out anyways." I stated. "Well, husband to be, I think I'll call the others, then we'll head to Bikanel." I chirped, before leaving my stunned fiancé in the bridge. I returned seconds later with an amused expression. "Er, Gippal? This is where you get off, remember?" I asked patiently.

"Oh!" He exclaimed as he was snapped out of his contemplation. "I forgot to ask, is it okay if I beg a ride to Bikanel off you? Nhadala's been on my case for practically forever and is of the opinion that I should've collected her data on the first quarter hours ago. Real stickler for efficiency is Nhadala; she actually scares me quite a bit…" He confessed easily.

"Sure thing! I'll have to hide you from Brother so he doesn't come after you with a rusty pitchfork or something though…" I muttered, mentally entertaining the thought of an enraged Brother leading an angry mob with flaming torches and farmyard implements after poor Gippal. I chuckled wickedly to myself, before slapping an innocent expression on my face as I looked through my lashes at Gippal, blatantly suggesting that of course I hadn't been fantasising about him suffering.

"When we're married I'm gonna have to sleep with a knife under my pillow, aren't I?" He asked, unsure whether nervousness or humour should dominate his line of questioning.

"Of course, seeing as sleeping with one eye open would be kinda twisted and masochistic…" I giggled, dispelling his anxiety.

"Those are big words coming from such a little thing." He said with as much condescension and arrogance as he could muster.

"I think we'll broach the topic of chat-up lines again at a later date, after you've spent a while practicing how not to offend my intelligence, height and flat chest." I snarked.

"Cid's Girl, if I'd have commented on your rack I'd have the scars to prove it, so while we're having a friendly lesson on etiquette, how's about you don't belittle my survival instincts?" He said in a 'higher than thou' voice. I was torn between blowing up at him and laughing, so in the end I did neither.

"Touché." I said; quirking an eyebrow in an almost amused manner.

"However, risking a severe beating, you're not flat chested." He said, clomping up the stairs in his ridiculously huge, worn army boots. He turned and gave me a cocky salute before the door stole his frame from my view, while I stood there like a lemon, looking gormless and uncomprehending. The next thing I knew Paine was waving a leather clad hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my trance.

"He's calling your first born child: GCGS-01 by the way." She said with a trace of exasperated amusement. My reply was a bellow of incoherent rage.

"GIPPAL! WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU WE'LL HAVE TO ADOPT!" I screeched. Maniacal laughter echoed off the steel planes of the ship. Gippal: 571, Rikku: 3. "AND I HAVE A NAME!" His laughter proceeded to get louder as I silently started to fume. What was I getting myself into?

Unfortunately, before Gippal removed his glorious presence from the ship, we got a big tip off at Kilika, turns out, there's an awesome sphere hiding in the temple! So we shakey-shaked our way to the port, after me having sphere changed into my Gunner outfit, because I've noticed that more people treat you with respect when you've got a 9mm automatic strapped to your hip. Plus I love the frilly skirt type thing, but saying that out loud detracts from the hard earned respect. The fact that I was showing more thigh than Yunie was didn't help much either, as one islander inferred from my outfit that it was an invitation to pinch my bottom, but after I was done with him, no one else seemed willing to try anything, thank Ixion…

Brother, delightful and gracious as always, refused to have Gippal on the ship while we weren't, so we were now YRPG, and Gippal was not impressed.

"This is SO cool Yunie! We're gonna waltz right in there and knock 'em dead!" I chirped, whilst bouncing.

"I want that sphere." Yunie stated finally, a serious and slightly frightening expression on her face. "It's gonna be so awesome!" She squealed and we high fived and proceeded to continue our embarrassing jumping. Paine walked past us in disgust.

"It'll already be gone with the time you two are taking." She grumbled.

"Lighten up Dr. P!" Gippal cried in a shrill falsetto, doing a really bad impression of my bouncing. "We'll nab the sphere, then go on a picnic, then do each other's hair!" He cried in mock happiness. Paine's mouth was still a hard, angry line; she was obviously far too used to his antics. She proceeded to walk on huffily. He returned to normal, well, as normal as Gippal can get, and he pouted. "What, no high five?"

After Yunie had recovered from her hysterics we walked into Kilika Woods, -turns out, Gippal's a lot more widely known than I thought so we didn't have to come up with some harebrained plan consisting of a comedy of errors- to be stopped by a throng of people who seemed to be eagerly awaiting this Mevyn bloke. I was surprised to see that this mega powerful authority figure was so young, and was also crippled. He lifted his crutch high as he addressed his 'Youth League'.

"That's the Mevyn Nooj." Paine explained in a monotone, a bleak contrast to the euphoric adoration of the Youth League members.

"What's up with his side?" Yuna asked a little tactlessly. Gippal, who was standing behind me, leaning on my head 'cos I was the perfect armrest height' chipped in.

"The Noojster was maimed real bad by Sin about five years back; he used to be one of the Crusaders. Sin took away an arm, a leg, and half of his rib cage, and now he's half man, half machina." He said. I grumbled and pried his arm from my head.

"You went to join the Crusaders three years ago, did you meet him there?" I asked curiously.

"Is Cid's little girl keeping tabs on me?" He asked slyly. I growled and blushed and he chuckled. "Yeah, I signed up but I wasn't accepted, I think it was because I was 'sub-human, Al Bhed scum,' if I remember correctly." He said and we both shared a look of rage at the racial prejudice still enforced by Spirans today. "We met up in a covert force instead, they let me join cos they thought I wouldn't last the first op. Nooj was my captain, I also met-"

"That's enough." Said Paine sharply, giving Gippal a warning look. "We're heading out, let's move."

"Sure thing pilot." Gippal replied, "Let's mosey on after el capitano!" He said with mock cheer. Paine shot him a death glare for hinting at whatever he hinted at, it was all Moogle to me.

"I'll lay down the hurt after, grease monkey." She spat before striding off, wearing the almost palpable aura of anger like a cape, small tendrils of her wrath dancing on small eddies of tropical breeze.

"And I thought I was low on respect points!" I whistled through my teeth.

"I have 78!" Yuna stated proudly… the goody two-shoes… she was just as nosey as I was!

"If she's still counting I'm on 27…" Gippal muttered.

This was when it hit me like a slap in the face.

_-Paine was one of Gippal's GIRLS? Oooooh… That MAN!-_

As I silently started to boil over Gippal amiably put an arm round my shoulder.

"What's up Cid's Girl? You're wearing the look Paine gets when she's gonna chase me around with something sharp and or heavy." He laughed sheepishly.

"How long have you known Paine?" I asked icily. Gippal didn't notice my tone and warmed quickly to his subject.

"Dr. P? I suppose, three years, on and off." He said easily. On and off? He was marrying me and carrying on an affair with PAINE? Well, no wonder she was pissed off… that greasy, conniving, love rat! I was gonna make him wish he'd never been born!

"OCHU!" Paine yelled from within the curtain of trees. Without a second thought I sprinted forward, hearing Gippal's boots pounding the earth behind me as well as Yunie's lighter footfalls. Skidding to a halt I saw a long branch of an arm swiping towards Paine, barbs bared over the petals of its fingers like talons as it raked downwards. Without a spare second to even aim I fired off a shot which tore into the open palm of the Ochu with a dull rip and an arc of green sap, which proceeded to burn through the forest floor, releasing a foul cloud that stank of cooking foliage and decomposing flesh. However, even with the superficial yet extremely painful wound, the Ochu continued its swing, smacking into Paine's abdomen and sending her flying back through the undergrowth. Not daring to turn to the others I ripped my second pistol from its holster, twirling both in my hands before firing off a few rounds. The bullets hardly even seemed to penetrate its thick, leathery skin, but I'd managed to get its attention. Screeching in indignation it swatted at me.

I leapt, hands wrapping around the stem of one arm to use it to somersault me safely over the attack using my momentum. Safely back on the floor I drew my guns again, to drop them helplessly as my palms began to sizzle. Wincing in pain I heard the other two arrive behind me, panting heavily. Paine was still missing somewhere past the tree-line. Pausing momentarily to formulate a plan, the Ochu saw the opportunity to lunge again. I rolled back, managing to avoid all but a glancing blow to the shoulder. I felt the barbs rake through my flesh nonetheless, injecting more of their poison into my body.

_-Its skin must be covered in millions of tiny barbs-_ I concluded as I came to my feet again.

"Yuna!" I barked authoritatively, not daring to turn my back on my foe. "Paine's somewhere in the forest, beyond the path, she's hurt bad!" I explained, "Help her now!" I heard her take off after brusque acquiescence, but suddenly her steps halted.

"You can't take that alone!" She called back. I fired another ineffective shot to draw the Ochu away from her, for it seemed to have been attracted by the sound of her voice.

"I know! But I can't let Paine die either!" I cried. "Anyway, I've got someone watching my back; it'll have to do until you come back! Now GO!" I screamed. Yunie seemed mollified and disappeared into the forest. I turned for the first time to Gippal, who was looking at me like I was a stranger.

"You really grew up, Cid's Girl…" He said in soft wonderment. I was almost fatally distracted, but managed to trap the flailing tentacle under my boot as it slapped the floor. I fired into the thinnest section I could find, hoping I was shooting quick enough, or I'd be tossed like a rag doll when it came to its senses. Fortunately, the great barbed paw came loose from the vine in a sticky, noxious cloud of green, a wound that the Ochu had actually deigned to notice this time, as it wailed in agony.

"Now is NOT the time, Gippal…" I managed to grind out. Spores were flung from the Ochu in an angry, sudden haze and my eyes widened. Pivoting quickly I grabbed Gippal's arm and ran full pelt away from the onslaught. We managed to escape the brunt of the fumes, the deleterious green dissipating mercifully quickly. The Ochu was lumbering after us however, and I knew I had seconds at best until the next assault. "Gippal, please tell me you have some form of weapon?" I begged. He gave me a wry smile and shook his head.

"Only an EM bomb, but that won't really be of much effect against a giant plant monster." He offered apologetically. I sighed and clutched my head with my chemically burnt hands, wincing at the sensation.

"Bullets aren't even bothering it, and at this rate we'll be dead before the others get back." I said gravely. "I'm still suffering from severe mana depletion as well, dammit…" I grumbled, soon becoming aware of Gippal's apparent confusion. "I cast a basic fire spell and I'll probably go into a coma." I deadpanned. Gippal absorbed this quickly and gave me a fake grin.

"I take it that's a no no then?" He asked redundantly. The Ochu roared and swiped with its good arm, narrowly missing Gippal and turning the tree it hit to sawdust under the force of the assault. Suddenly, inspiration struck me like a physical blow.

"Gippal!" I cried impatiently, "The bomb! Give it to me now!" He did as he was told instantly and I tore the wires out of the small sphere's control panel. Grabbing a bomb fragment from my pouch, I connected it to the split wires as a new battery conduit and ripped the pin from my makeshift grenade. "Cross your fingers!" I yelled, before lobbing the device hard into the open, screaming mouth of the Ochu.

After a painfully long wait that could have only been seconds, a shockwave of magnetic energy exploded from the Ochu, followed by a large detonation of cataclysmic flame. The fire began to lick at the creature, causing its skin to shrivel and crack, blood and pus beginning to ooze viscously out of the opening sores all over its body. Its screams rent the air as it floundered futilely, helpless to do anything but watch its body combust and burn to ashes. The smell of its smouldering flesh was vile and rancid, and I almost gagged at the combination that so battered my senses.

After aeons of struggling, the Ochu sunk to its knees, withered petals falling from gnarled stems and floating on the oozing rivers of secretion before curling and hissing into nothing. I watched with bated breath, until its blackened husk fell lifeless to the ground. I sank to my knees, adrenaline having had deserted me, leaving me exhausted and aching.

"You know," Gippal said easily, "your knight in shining armour is feeling mighty obsolete." He finished with a chuckle. I turned to look at him sleepily, wondering where he was going with this. "If you keep saving my hide like this, I think we should do a switch." He laughed. I joined in, entertaining the thought of Gippal in a dress and swooning. "The least a damsel can do though is to patch up his heroine." He said sincerely, eyeing the gashes that adorned my shoulder. The fabric of my outfit had been peeled back, revealing a large parcel of skin with the flap of material quavering uselessly underneath. I tried to brush him off but he was having none of it. He began to lave the wound with an antidote, to rid it of all traces of poison as I winced. It stung like blazes!

"Nurse Gippal…" I whined petulantly, struggling not to laugh, "It huuuuuuuuurts!" I sulked. He chuckled under his breath.

"If you're a very good girl I'll reward you." He said impishly. My eyes alit, glad that he knew about my weakness for presents.

"What is it?" I demanded excitedly, almost bouncing at the prospect. He started to laugh outright at my exuberance.

"You sure do change moods quick, don't you?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not a total flake, I just think that it's stupid dwelling on stuff you can't do anything about!" I defended.

"Ah, I see, you have the attention span of a shoopuff." He said jokingly. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out.

"No, it's just, that someone needs to cheerful, right? So I don't mind being the optimistic one!" I chirped, before wincing as he pinched the wounds closed after irrigating them with potion. "There's a needle and thread in my pouch." I said, tossing it behind me. His hands left my shoulder so I turned to watch him fumble with the needle. After a couple of minutes of laughing at his progressively more frantic attempts I took them from him. "You should suck on the thread a little so it becomes finer, then you'll have an easier time of it." I said matter of factly, wetting the thread with my tongue and pushing it through the eye of the needle easily.

"Methinks you should have done that in the first place, to save me making myself look like an idiot." He said wryly. I laughed, shaking my head.

"That wouldn't have been any fun at all!" I sing-songed. "So! What's my present?" I asked impatiently. Gippal chuckled at my one track mind.

"I'm sorry I ever criticised your attention span." He laughed. "All I can say is that it definitely ain't a sponge bath." He joked, winking at me with his good eye. I giggled at his antics and begun to think about rewards you got in hospitals…

"OOH!" I squealed. "Is it a lollipop?" I asked excitedly. Gippal laughed at me.

"You think I'd knowingly give you MORE sugar?" He asked in disbelief. I did stick my tongue out at him this time, but that just made him laugh harder.

"I wanna lollipop!" I whined, pouting to emphasise my puerility.

"How am I not surprised?" Asked a sarcastic monotone. My eyes flashed upwards and I beamed.

"Paine! You're ok!" I squeaked happily.

"I'll live." She replied. Yunie stood beside her, half supporting the tall, amazonesque warrior, looking worriedly at the stitches Gippal was threading through my shoulder.

"Are you ok?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine!" I chirped. "It would've been a different story if Gippal hadn't saved the day though." I said cheerily. Paine looked taken aback at my sudden civility towards the annoying one, but I just grinned.

"You see, Dr. P?" He asked smugly, "I do have my uses!" He smirked. Paine rolled her eyes and I suddenly remembered that they were together. My face fell and I kept silent.

"I'm still gonna kick your ass…" She muttered. Gippal adopted a cheeky expression.

"I'll tell Baralai that ickle Paine was mean to me!" He sing-songed, and to my surprise, Paine actually blushed!

"Tell Nooj, he's closer…" She muttered gruffly. Gippal chuckled.

"The Noojster would hold me down while you throttled me!" He laughed. Paine smiled softly, something that still freaked me out.

"I wonder…" She said whimsically. They both suddenly became solemn, and I couldn't bring myself to pry. Yunie did that for me.

"How do you all know each other?" She asked curiously.

"It's none of your business." Paine said sternly.

"I'd tell you, but I enjoy being alive." Gippal said after receiving a glare from Paine. Something clicked on in my head.

"Wait a sec!" I cried. "Isn't Baralai the name of one of the new up and coming Yevonites? He's been forwarded for the next Preatorship!" I cried. Paine cringed at my sudden random flash of intelligence and Gippal smirked proudly.

"Atta girl!" He said, ruffling my hair. I flailed to get him off but he still managed to pull my bandanna down over my eyes.

"Mature…" I spat half-heartedly. He smirked, biting off the thread and tying it neatly as I rolled my eyes.

"You still love me." He said through a beatific smile. "Anyways, Paine's got a HUGE crush on… MMPH!" He cried as Paine covered his mouth and started to bodily drag him away.

"You say one more word and they'll never find the pieces!" She shouted irately whilst blushing furiously.

"Save me Cid's Girl!" He cried, flailing in mock-panic. I laughed and got up, relieved that the pain in my shoulder was reduced to a dull ache. I strode confidently up to the enraged Paine.

"Hands off my hubby!" I cried, before cracking up along with Gippal. Paine's nose crinkled in disgust.

"Ugh, take him then, cos no one else would willingly touch him with a ten foot barge pole…" She said derisively. Gippal pretended to sob.

"She's right! She never loved me! She always wanted Baralai!" He cried in melodramatic anguish. Paine slapped him upside the head so hard his brain must've rattled, but he just kept on laughing. I realised with a surprising amount of happiness and relief that Paine just treated Gippal like an annoying kid brother. I found myself beaming delightedly at the revelation.

"I want that sphere…" Yuna butted in, and I saw the dangerous look in her eyes had returned.

"Then off we go!" I chirped. I was about to skip merrily away when someone grabbed my arm. "What's the big idea?" I whined to Gippal.

"Your hands, they're badly burnt." He offered by ways of explanation. I pouted in reply. "What did I tell you? If you're a good girl and let me fix you up, you'll get your damned lollipop!" He said in exasperation. Instantly I was in front of him, palms outstretched in cooperation. I stoically bore the sting of the potion until he was satisfied with his work. "Does this hurt?" He asked softly while taking one of my hands in his own. I shook my head shyly, wondering what the hell had happened to my outgoing hyper self. He smiled proudly, but didn't let go of my hand. I proceeded to disguise myself as a tomato.

"Oh please… if you two just wanted to stay behind and make googly eyes at each other, you should have told us beforehand…" Paine said in irritation. Eyes widening to the size of dinner plates, I wrenched my hand from Gippal's and took off along the path.

"Come on everybody! Time's a wasting!" I called over my shoulder.

Fortunately, Paine had caught up with me in time to grab me before I stumbled across the guards. We hid in the undergrowth beside the small garrison to see if we could glean any information about where the sphere was held.

"Wait a sec… I forgot the password!" One of the soldiers moaned to his superior. The captain started to massage his temples, obviously almost pushed to breaking point.

"For the ninth time TODAY, if there's an even number of soldiers, it's craven monkey, and if there's an odd number of soldiers, it's carved monkey! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" He bellowed. The soldier nodded hastily and fell back into rank. I managed to catch the captain mutter a threat about feeding his corporal to the blasted monkeys and couldn't keep in a low chuckle. The captain spun round at the noise, but, seeing nothing, blamed it on the stress getting to him. We all filed out from within the foliage back onto the path.

"Rikku!" Paine hissed, "You almost blew our cover!"

"Oh come on Dr. P, that guy was stressed enough to have believed Sin was just some mass delusion!" I said, before chuckling. Paine rolled her eyes in response. "Anyway, do you think this is all just another interactive tour of Pops'?" I asked in amusement. "Cos for some reason monkeys seem to pop up an awful lot as passwords."

"I swear, if that nut job Isaaru is standing up there, I WILL murder your old man." Paine said to me. I laughed.

"Pick a number and get in line." I quipped. We rounded the corner and stood before the guards.

"What's the password?" Asked the captain gruffly. I heard feet clomping towards us and Yuna stopped at my side, breathing heavily.

"Oh Ixion…" She groaned… "It's not MONKEY again is it?" She asked. I laughed and nodded, causing her to groan louder.

"Carved monkey." I said.

"You can pass, and take this; I hear things are getting pretty rough up the top." He said, lobbing me a hi-potion. I grinned and thanked him before skipping merrily through the checkpoint. As soon as we were out of sight of the soldiers, I turned to our now reassembled team.

"Where the heck did you two go? We didn't even know you were missing!" I hissed. Yuna blushed and Gippal smirked.

"She may have brought down a gazillion tons of deformed whale blubber, but the Lady Yuna's… directionally challenged…" He said tactfully. I giggled quietly as Yuna began to profusely apologise.

"Well, it explains why she took so long to grace us with her wonderful presence in Luca." I snorted, causing Yuna to pout.

"There were no eye holes in that Moogle costume!" She defended sulkily. "It was so stifling I almost suffocated and I had to give the people their damn balloons!" She shouted. The three of us looked to Yuna, scandalised.

"Paine!" I said fearfully, "Yunie said a swear!"

"Someone's made Yuna a bad girl." She answered, giving me a pointed look. Gippal laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Cid's little girl is as innocent as they come!" He said, as if he knew. Well, he was right… but it would've been really difficult to balance saving the world and having a boyfriend. Ever since I hit puberty I'd been run ragged! I paused in mid-thought, wondering just how much my father had to do with that.

"Yeah Gippal, I'm as pure as you are…" I said acerbically, pleased with my ability to lie. It was Yunie's turn to look scandalised as her look of horror pierced into me. Gippal was momentarily taken aback, but then the cold mask of a soldier fell back into place over his features and he nodded like it hadn't bothered him in the slightest. I was pleased that I had at least momentarily made him somewhat jealous, though I really couldn't say why. Paine started to walk up the winding hill road as I stood in my original position, lost in thought.

"We'll give Yuna a course in orienteering later, right now there's no time to waste!" Paine wisecracked. I hid a smile behind my hand and ran after her retreating form, leaving the still embarrassed Yuna to bring up the rear.

"You think the temple's just gonna hand it over?" Gippal asked me. I scoffed in reply.

"If the Youth League has come prepared for war I'm guessing no." I said rather sardonically. He chuckled and nodded his agreement. I suddenly frowned, puzzled. "Where'd you get the gun?" I asked, brow furrowed in consternation, to which Gippal smirked proudly.

"I… 'liberated' it from a guard that Yuna 'found'." He said cryptically, causing me to crack up.

"Do you remember the scoring guide?" I asked nostalgically. He nodded and smiled.

"100 for a headshot, 75 for the heart, 50 for a kneecap, 25 for a shoulder and 10 for everything else." He said whilst chuckling.

"How long did it take the lot of us to come up with that?" I asked, still beaming.

"Far too long. I remember it was because Brother wouldn't stop complaining that all he could accurately hit was a monster's belly, so that should be worth 500." He said, still chuckling at the memory. I sighed in amusement.

"He hasn't changed. He still couldn't hit the rear end of a shoopuff from ten paces if he tried." I said whilst giggling.

"I don't want to use this on a person." Gippal said, sounding serious for once.

"Of course not, it was hard enough for me to destroy an unsent man. I don't think I could kill someone that was alive…" I said worriedly. Gippal frowned.

"It's frighteningly easy…" He said softly. "We're just, so frail at the end of the day…" He concluded sadly. I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it as reassuringly as I could.

"We've all done things we're not proud of, but don't feel like you have to tell me this." I said sincerely. He exhaled harshly, whether from relief or frustration I couldn't tell.

"I've just done a lot more than most people." He said, but left it at that. I didn't let go of his hand, and he didn't seem averse to the contact, so we walked on in silence.

We reached the temple a short yet indiscriminate time later, and I don't think I could have told anyone where I'd just walked from, so distracted had I been. Embarrassedly I removed my hand from Gippal's for the second time, blushing furiously as Paine rolled her eyes. There was a clamour from the tumult of Yevonites and League members which didn't seem to dissipate upon our arrival. If anything, it got louder.

"This is really rude…" I said, utterly disgruntled at the fact that these people couldn't put aside their petty little differences when they were being robbed. Suddenly, a bald monk stepped forward, looking slightly hysterical in his glee. He rambled off some spiel about Bevelle having the sphere and how he refused to hand it over, the usual stuff.

"When's he gonna bring out the fiend?" Paine asked, having already participated in two similar scenes today. Yuna sighed and started polishing her pistol to kill time.

"He's a Yevonite." I explained. "They're the most long-winded orators in Spira. Every single one that we've fought has gone on and on about his little master plan and how he's going to grind our bones to make his bread… It gets tedious really fast." I said tiredly, beginning to fidget awkwardly. Gippal just looked amused more than anything else.

"You're a bit young to be so jaded." He said pointedly, leaning on his elbow against my head.

"You're a year older than me!" I whined. "A single year!" Suddenly, the prerequisite fiend started to lurch down the stone steps.

"A golem!" Yuna exclaimed. I nodded rather nervously; I'd last seen this model the first time we explored Zanarkand. Its stone skin flashed iridescently, a telltale sign.

"Well, I guess we're kinda lucky that it's magic resistant, seeing as I couldn't roast a marshmallow." I quipped, smiling sheepishly at Yunie's reproachful glare. "I said I was sorry!" I cried, raising my hands heavenward in exasperation. While I was moaning pathetically Gippal had already blown out a chunk of one colossal arm, leaving Paine to hack it off at the shoulder with an effortless swipe of her lethal sword. "You know, in my day, these things were an awful lot harder to kill…" I said, watching the utterly anticlimactic fight as shards of stone clattered to the ground as Yuna and Gippal fired. Paine weaved behind the giant as it was distracted by the biting metal flying impossibly fast from the muzzles of the gunners' weapons. With another graceful swing Paine had severed its head from the body, leaving it to stumble blindly for a brief while before collapsing into rubble at her feet.

To tell the truth, at that point, I felt seriously redundant. The battle had been fought and won in under a minute, and all I'd done was sulk. The priest looked to us fearfully, before turning on his heel and running back to the temple, dropping the sphere as he fled.

"We're claiming this sphere for the Gullwings!" Yunie smiled brightly, sensing a job well done, and walked off down the steps that led back to the village, with Gippal behind her. I followed them leisurely,still pouting for good measure,leaving Paine to grab the sphere from the ground, lobbing it upwards before snatching it out of the air with a smug smile.

A/N: I'm sorry if any of the characters seem somewhat, abnormal this chapter, but they just came out that way, so, sorry, blame my artistic license or the crazy influx of angst, comedy, fluff, then angst again; I'm sure it can make even the best of us slightly OOC... -giggles-


	4. Chapter Four: Reveries, Revelations and ...

A/N: I'm so sorry! I posted this as a Rom/Com and somehow the Angst has gatecrashed the party again! Never mind, there will be some better explanation given as to why Rikku seems a bit schizophrenic coming somewhere along the line, but at the time, it seemedlike a perfect excuse to bring on the fluffiness! Of course, the path of true love never did run smooth, so don't expect a happy ever after next chapter, this convoluted plot of mine has a lot more twists in it yet! Translation: Of course I'm gonna throw a spanner in the works! Things will be resolved however, but we're only on Chapter Two of the game yet!

**-PSPhreak- **Thank you sooooooooo much for reviewing, it means the world to me when you guys say you like what I write! I'm not discouraged at all though, 4 reviews is loads more than I ever expected, and I already have a regular! I did promise reviewers tin foil, but I decided that kinda sucked, badly, so instead, Rikku and I have managed to manipulate the delectable Gippal into really tight leather! Yay for leather!

**-Star99- **As my only constant reviewer, I've gotta give youthe dedication for the chappy, as well as cos you're so nice to me! Unfortunately, you'll have to share Gippal with PSPhreak, or you can have the tin foil, but I know which one I'd choose, even if I only got to have him Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, -giggles- I'll try and update as quickly as I can, but uploads may slow down when school starts again... -mutters- stupid education... Anyways, enjoy!

**Chapter Four: Reveries, Revelations and Unforeseen Requirements...** (So much alliteration... -head explodes-)

Halfway through watching that sphere I was seriously summing up my future options. Changing my name to Esmeralda and upping sticks to Luca seemed like my best bet, which wasn't really encouraging. Then again, it was hardly surprising, seeing as Yunie must have: Apocalypse, please! Tattooed on her forehead in invisible ink; either that or she was breaking out a placard with the same message emblazoned upon it each time I turned my back on her. Yup, Armageddon just seemed to be an everyday part of my life, which was really far too depressing to dwell on for long.

However, the thing that scared me the most was where 'he' was being held. It reminded me so strongly of the Via Purifico that I felt the icy water about my ankles. Suddenly I was there, in one of the dank cells, unnaturally lit by a single glyph that fluctuated between dimness and ominous black outside in the walkway, casting irregular shadows that were strewn randomly upon the decaying stones of my cell. The ubiquitous shades seemed to mutate around me, gorging on my fear and growing stronger for it, before lunging and dissipating with an angry hiss when the light returned.

Then, I bodily connected with the 'cleansing water', breath forced out of me by the choking, withered hands of the cold. My muscles were unable to aid me, so bound by this denizen of the dark that I couldn't even perceive, and my vocal chords were stilled by an icy hand of fear slithering down my open throat. The water stung my wide, fearful eyes as I sank, struggling to flounder back to the surface but unable to shake my limbs out of forced entropy. Ever since the accident at the Moonflow, I had become more afraid of drowning than I had of thunder, but no one was here to save me, because I remembered that I had been in the water for over four hours before I saw hide or hair of anyone else. Eyes beginning to flood with tears that eddied around on the tendrils of current, I resigned myself to hold my breath for as long as my body was able.

"Ifrit and hell fires! Breathe Rikku!" A worried voice screamed into my ear. My eyes snapped open and I gasped down a lungful of much needed air. As soon as my vision focussed I saw Gippal, looking very angry and very, very scared. "What in Yevon's name is wrong with you?" He bellowed, before throwing his arms around me so tight I almost heard ribs cracking. Lifting my head off of the nice resting place his shoulder presented, my gaze met Paine's, who looked more shocked at this development than I felt.

"Where did everybody go?" I asked weakly.

"Running after Yuna, who's in a bad way seeing as lover boy was asking after another girl." Paine answered sadly, feeling for her friend. I winced, but then shook off the doubt.

"Then it's not him. I had to spend a lot of time with the pair of them, whilst saving the world, and they were the ultimate pair o' lovesick fools. There is not a single person on Spira who could change that." I said sternly, ending the discussion.

"And you?" Paine asked, smiling softly at my vehemence and trust in my friends. "Any previous lovers of yours start asking after other women?" She asked slyly, causing me to blush and gibber incoherently. Gippal briefly released me to glare very hard at Paine, before going back to crushing my vital organs.

"It's in Bevelle…" I whispered softly, still seeing the glyphs on the walls, their light crawling viscously through the bars. They both turned to look at me seriously, comprehending the full seriousness of the sphere.

"Funny that, how all ultimate evils somehow have something to do with Bevelle." Gippal said with a wry chuckle, trying to dispel some of the fear from my face.

"It's deep underground. It's old as well… I think it's the prototype of the Via Purifico…" I said quietly. Paine whistled between her teeth as she exhaled.

"So that's what it looks like… I've heard stories, but I've never met anyone who's survived…" She said, looking in awe at the structure frozen on the screen before her.

"That's because no one does…" Gippal said with a shudder. I continued to stare, enraptured, at the rotating prison cell, instilled with an emptiness, for a part of me had been taken by that awful place. I tried to plaster on a mega-watt grin.

"Don't be silly Paine, by my calculations you've met five!" I chirped, causing Paine to stare opened mouthed. Gippal wasn't having any of it though and looked at me pointedly.

"If one of those people is you I'm going to call up your father and yell at him for letting you escape from salvage…" Gippal grumbled and I had to smile.

"Now who's the one that's keeping tabs?" I asked, sticking out my tongue as he adopted a scandalised look at being caught. He tried to change the subject instead.

"So, as well as Sin, the Lady Yuna's taken down the Evrae Altana?" He asked in a kind of irritated awe. I scoffed at the image of Yunie underwater, cheeks full of air as she flailed pathetically with her staff.

"Seeing as she could walk on water, she never really got used to being under it." I said ambiguously. Gippal sighed with relief.

"Thank Anima for that. If she would've gone up against that then you certainly would've been along for the ride and I'd have to shout at you again." He said sternly. I rolled my eyes at his sudden surge of protectiveness but held my tongue. If I admitted to taking it out with only two other people he'd probably flip out and scold me.

"Not to worry, the only ass Yunie kicked was Isaaru's!" I chirped, remembering being told the story afterwards. "Apparently they had this massive Aeon battle while Wakka, Ti and I were stuck in the waterway!" I said excitedly. Gippal's face suddenly darkened and I made some repentant noise. Paine chuckled as she watched the interchange.

"So you're saying that you had to deal with the waterway with two allies? I knew you were slightly kamikaze before, but now?" She asked the open ended question with a small, knowing smile.

"I didn't exactly have much choice you know…" I started petulantly. "I was in my own in a cell for days, my only company being the guards who'd beat me cos I was Al Bhed as well as an enemy of the state. Then, I was flung in deep, icy water for four hours before I even found anybody else, struggling to keep my head above water because I had four cracked ribs and a broken hand. Then, this big unsent dragon monster attacked us, and I got petrified underwater. If Wakka hadn't distracted it at the last minute I would've been pieces in a watery grave, so don't talk to me about being kamikaze!" I shouted, before the words brought back the memories and I whimpered pathetically. It was Paine's turn to look truly repentant and she crouched to try and untangle my limbs from where I'd curled them tight under my chest. Gippal looked really overwhelmed, as well as torn between kissing and killing me. Much to my horror, I was quite fervently hoping for the former.

"How are you still so… happy?" Paine asked in a kind of muted bewilderment.

"So Yunie doesn't have to fake a smile anymore." I replied honestly. "From the look on your face this might get me some respect points!" I wisecracked, causing Paine to smile and some of the tension to dissipate.

"Fat chance," she said dismissively, before laughing at my puppy dog eyes. I pretended to pout and was just about to start a long wheedling session when Yuna returned, still looking shaken. Brother was no doubt somewhere else, preening for his big chance.

"Barkeep says some friends of his need some help finding musicians. Two of us will handle that in Macalania while another will be on bandit duty on the Moonflow." She said softly. I thought to myself about whether it would be a good idea to send my cousin to a place where her strongest memory of the man who'd just publicly jilted her lay.

"You and Paine hit Macalania, Gippal and I have the Moonflow." I decided, thinking that the small spring could only strengthen her resolve that their love meant something. Not that I'd seen the sordid affair, I'd been snoring like someone sawing a log in half according to Wakka, but Yunie had analysed it to the point where the words had ceased to possess any kind of meaning when we went over it, so I knew pretty much what had gone on… not far short of true colour resolution with surround sound… Yuna nodded uncertainly, before smiling slightly.

Brother instantly set course for Macalania first, because I wasn't high enough up on his list of priorities. This changed when I said Yuna would be with him longer if I was dropped off first and he'd have to see a lot less of Gippal. Blatantly, I won the argument and we were shipped off onto the banks of the river after waving cheery goodbyes to the rest of the Gullwings.

This was when I realised that Gippal hadn't opened his mouth in a ridiculously lengthy period of time, which for him, either signified that he was dead or that Paine had Silenced him while I wasn't looking. Surprisingly, neither was the case for as soon as the Celsius disappeared in a cacophony of sound and veritable mayhem, he turned on me like a Queen Coeurl with a toothache.

"I don't know how the rest of them don't see through you but there is no way in heaven or hell that you're happy." He snapped at me. I blinked slowly in response, dredging up our past conversation from the scary recesses of my mind. "You can't suddenly switch from a frightened, traumatised child to a sugar-high, flaky ditz!" He cried, "It's physically impossible!" Realisation dawned and I sighed.

"Gippal, I may be seventeen but I do know about the 'greater good'. If I can motivate people to just carry on then it doesn't matter whether I'm happy or not. I can genuinely say that for most of the time I am actually content. I'm not complete, but I'll manage. I have fun, I'm doing something I love and I'm helping people in the process. The nightmares, the scars and the pain just seem like a fair trade." I stated patiently, determined to make him understand. "Wait a second… Flaky ditz?" I asked angrily.

"No one should collapse in a boneless heap and go into respiratory arrest just because of something they've experienced." He replied rationally, skittering around the issue of him blatantly insulting me.

"Meh… some people are like that with spiders!" I said dismissively, trying to lighten the situation a little. Gippal shot down the levity without a word. "That's the only thing that I can't push down all the time, that and snakes… but… everyone's got some weakness…" I said. Gippal looked at me for a long while before sighing.

"I know… it's just… I've always liked you Cid's Girl, contrary to popular belief." He stated uneasily. I grinned, totally misreading his meaning.

"But of course! I'm immensely lovable you know." I said smugly. He grinned back and shook his head.

"Even when we were kids you were cute… you'd just be so, vibrant and adorable. Being socially inept I decided that to flirt with you my best bet would be to call you names and mess up your hair, which is normal playground behaviour and something that's become too fun to break my habit of doing so. You'd always get mad at me, which would encourage me further cos you're exceptionally cute when you're angry, but also because you'd forgive me instantly. You're just… one of those people who don't, can't, hold grudges. Even though over many years you've finally become less than fond of me, you've never told me you hated me, which a lot of other people would have done for a lot less." He said embarrassedly, scuffing dirt with one large steel toecap. "I just don't like seeing you like that… I can't stand it if you're scared, or unhappy, especially if it's because of me…" He concluded, causing the Gil to drop, as well as my jaw. Gippal the almighty jerk had a crush on ME? I almost started to jump around in a merry circle, squeaking for joy, but I decided that would make me look totally un-cool, so I nodded slowly instead. Mentally I was of course going: EEEEEEEEE! And commencing with the retarded dancing, but externally I just looked mildly pleased. Gippal seemed to take this as a positive reaction nonetheless.

"Thank Ixion; I thought you were going to punch me." He said, voice full of relief. I laughed at his revelation and shook my head.

"When you're not being an asshole you're pretty cute yourself." I said sheepishly, staring at my feet and blushing.

"I therefore resolve to be as cute as is possible, though I'm beginning to wonder whether you've inherited your father's vocational skills…" He said wryly. I chuckled and crinkled my nose.

"It's hard not to pick up a few choice phrases over the years, but I must also confess that you're also pretty damn cute when you ARE being an asshole, so ignore the previous negative comment." I answered, shrugging at his smug expression.

"Just cos you're always looking for a fight." He said demurely, causing me to laugh.

"Of course, Brother doesn't make much of a verbal sparring partner…" I replied, rather redundantly, for everyone in Spira seemed to be aware that he was a few eggs short of a basket. Gippal laughed anyway and began to drag me down the embankment to the small travelling show.

"I'm actually pretty glad your old man finally lost his very last marble and made that harebrained scheme of his, otherwise I'd have remained a clueless jackass until you married someone else." He said with a warm smile. "Just think if I crashed the ceremony, probably drunk I'm afraid, to start proclaiming undying love before throwing up on your dress and collapsing on the groom." He said, grinning proudly at his potential inebriated antics.

"Ooh… nothing says undying love like vomit…" I said, mock starry-eyed, causing him to crack up. "You know, a week ago, if someone would've told me that I'd voluntarily accept a marriage proposal from you I'd have called them crazy and would then have found some way to get amnesia so as never to entertain the thought again. I mean, even then I couldn't deny to myself that you were utterly hot, but you just pissed me off so much that I just forgot to see you as anyone but Gippal the Wonder Jerk…" I said with a giggle, glad to have wiped the proud smirk off Gippal's face when I called him hot.

"Well, whilst being achingly beautiful yourself, I was too busy thinking up ways to piss off the spoilt airhead of a princess I was convinced you were." He replied, sticking his tongue out in a rare moment of puerility that rivalled my own. I pretended to look horrified at his rebuttal, adopting a trembling lower lip. Gippal didn't buy it for a second though so I dropped the waterworks and quirked an eyebrow instead.

"On what grounds am I an airhead?" I asked icily, causing Gippal to take a step back from our easy closeness.

"Oh… I don't know… the klutz attacks, the squealing, the bouncing, the ridiculously camp and archaic lingo that's apparently fashionable again, never thinking before you speak, flying off the handle cos it makes sense in your frightening little mind, sharing DNA with Brother…" He listed, counting off the insults on his fingers. I scowled and began to retort angrily.

"Ok, I can't do much about being as graceful as a shoopuff with three of its legs cut off whilst trying to ride a space hopper and I can't change the fact that I'm exuberant and saccharine to the point of nausea. Do not blame the sugar, because it's really the coffee that's responsible. The 'lingo' as you term it is, because, surprisingly, I am still relatively young and 'with it'. I don't think before I speak because my family doesn't listen to each other anyway so it's not as if you have to plan an acceptance speech for an award winning debut on the silver sphere-screen, AND, I do not fly off the handle… I just, have a notoriously short temper. Usually I'm all sunshine and light and then you open your mouth and I see red. Oh, and the Brother comment? You're lucky I like you enough to let you live…" I concluded pleasantly, poking Gippal in the chest for good measure. He seemed to be hiding a grin rather poorly so I fixed him with a displeased glare.

"Shoopuff on a space hopper?" He asked amusedly, causing me to sigh impatiently.

"It was creative, it came to mind, I said it. If you prefer I can alter my imagery; it can be any manner of animal with any number of limbs missing!" I said cheerfully, before cringing at how much I sounded like one of the crazies in Zanarkand. Gippal just began to laugh outright and only stopped when I threatened to hit him. "I take it back, I never ever had a crush on you and that means that I certainly did not obsess over you for the best part of three years." I said indignantly, causing Gippal to sputter in shock as he choked during his double-take.

"Wow, I never knew I had my very own stalker…" He said impishly, having recovered freakishly quickly from his wheezing fit.

"I did NOT stalk you." I denied vehemently, even though I did recall that when I was twelve that I followed him for six hours through the desert when he was having one of his moody, solitary strolls without so much as saying a word to him. In fact, I don't know how I managed it but he didn't even see me, which is a miracle, let me tell you, cos there aren't many cacti to hide behind.

You see, back in my messed up child's mind, Gippal was more divine than Yevon was to a Yevonite. Until he opened his mouth… so I'd follow him round like a little lost puppy, practically drooling over his adolescent sexy-ness and daydreaming about how wonderful he was, what with being a genius with machina and so confident and able and strong and… you get the picture, I was utterly deluded. However, the only reason I believed this was because I was too shy to talk to him, which was probably a blessing in disguise or I would've smothered him in his sleep years ago, consequences be damned.

"That's kinda cute in an utterly creepy way…" He cooed, playing with one of the beads in my braid. I tried to give him a nasty look but failed to do anything but giggle.

"I was a kid! A very foolish one at that as well, because I didn't find out you were a jackass until I was thirteen!" I said, still laughing.

"That long, huh?" He asked in surprise, making me laugh harder.

"Puppy love is blind, and you can have all the eyes in the world and still be buggered." I said, cringing at how very sad I was.

"I think less is probably more in that respect…" Gippal said pensively, before chuckling at some mental image.

"Definitely, seeing as I had a thing for pirates as well. Just, with hands, cos I tried to imagine having a husband with hooks for hands and it really didn't work out well." I said, interpreting another strange look from Gippal, for that was just another nail in the coffin of Rikku the mentally unstable cat throwing spinster. If I would have said that one out loud he probably would have taken off running and begged sanctuary from even Brother of all people.

"Well, thanks for the 'graphic gore fest' you've put in my head." He said amusedly.

"Meh, love isn't for the squeamish, but it definitely is for someone more thick skinned than I when it comes to hooks for hands." I said sagely, before cracking up. Gippal gave me another bemused look before laughing as well, shaking his head.

"Seeing as I'm a pirate, would that make you a buxom tavern wench or a wealthy heiress?" He asked slyly.

"Seeing as all of my pretty pennies now belong to O'aka and I'm about as buxom as an ironing board, I guess I'd be a malnourished street urchin." I replied, making Gippal grin, no doubt at a mental image of me in rags and a floppy hat with teeth missing and a Cockney accent.

"Then I guess I'd better fatten you up then, seeing as you'd never let me pay for your boob job." He said wickedly, causing me to slap him half-heartedly on the arm.

"Hard luck, you'll just have to make do with these just the way they are." I said, indicating my chest the way a sales assistant would.

"Aw," he cooed, eyes never rising above my neck during the exchange, "I'll name you Doris and Pearl." He said like a proud father, making me shriek with embarrassment and utter rage.

"You can't NAME them!" I cried, blushing beet red and making Gippal laugh harder.

"Doris and Pearl are identical twins who go to an all girl's school in the country. They wear skimpy little uniforms and have pillow fights regularly." He narrated, as if he were telling a child a bedtime story. The rest I managed to drown out by clapping my hands over my ears and singing the song Leblanc had performed as Yunie at the top of my lungs.

Real Emotion was brought to a screeching halt, however, as I tripped over a small duck man that honestly had NOT been there two seconds beforehand. Gippal was still telling of the antics of my breasts, snorting with laughter in random pauses, until he noticed that my singing had stopped and his gaze fixed on my form sprawled over that of whatever obnoxious midget had gotten in my way. He proceeded to laugh like a squirrel on crack.

However, he did regain some brownie points by helping me up, but lost them shortly after when he inquired after the wellbeing of Doris and Pearl. I then deigned the poor little creature still catatonically sprawled on the earth worthy of my attention.

"Hey, you alive, Duck Man?" I asked sceptically. Gippal again cracked up at 'Duck Man', but part of me knew that he would and that was why I said it.

"Oh!" He cried shrilly, before springing upright freakishly quickly. "I'm fantastically fantabulous! My musicians are here!" He cried excitedly, running around in a dangerous circle of death at breakneck speed. His Hypello helpers just watched on passively, which was to be expected.

"The Chief ish, excited, yesh?" One of them asked me, though for the life of me I couldn't tell which.

"He sure is…" Gippal said after whistling low in admiration. "I never thought there'd come a day where I found someone more hyperactive than you…" He said to me, smiling slightly when I started to grind my teeth.

"Well, he's definitely… hyped up to his eyeballs on java… sweetheart." I ground out, causing him to crack up again, deliberately ignoring my pathetically veiled threat. The 'Chief' seemed to have completed his spasmodic ritual and was looking at me intently through his goggles.

"Spectacular! Superbly spectacular! My show is now complete!" He cried cheerily. I smiled back fearfully until realisation hit with all the force of a speeding airship.

"Musicians? Us?" I squeaked, absolutely terrified. I couldn't perform! I got stage fright in the shower!

"Of course you are! I heard your sublime melodious melodies carried across the waters of the Moonflow!" He chirped, though somehow I was given the impression that he DARED me to prove him wrong. Wow, he must've been really desperate…

"Well, I do play a mean electric guitar." Gippal purred into my ear. I jumped, unaware that he'd suddenly gotten far too close for comfort and took a step back. Then my mind started to supply me with treacherous images of Gippal the rock star in impossibly tight leather trousers. Common sense utterly overruled and overloaded, I decided that if I could con the man into those, I just might do it, but the scary bird creature started to usher me to the wagon anyway before I could confirm my own decision.

"We're here to get your Hypello back!" I squeaked, internally agonising over the death of the dream of Gippal in tight leather trousers. The little man if anything looked even happier.

"Musicians AND warriors at that! Oh, joyous, fortunate day!" He shouted, before working himself into a frenzy again. Gippal, for once, seemed to be controlling his cruel impulses and only watched the bizarre creature with evident, but silent, amusement.

"That's us…" He answered, smirking as I fixed him with a death glare. Personally, I was hoping he felt each individual dagger pierce his irritating hide, but I was torn between strangling him and joining the duck man in his ritualistic dance of celebration. My mind seemed to be chanting like a really happy mantra: Gippal in leather trousers!

"How do I let you get me into these things?" I moaned pathetically.

"I'd tell you, but then you'd make me stop…" Gippal said apologetically, before grinning like a little kid that's found a dead, exceptionally large and hairy bug, and the sincerity of the statement vanished. Gippal then turned his demonic smile to the Chief and hooked an arm through mine. "Well then, boss, we'll be finding your Hypello now!" He said courteously, causing me to snort indignantly.

"Oh, heavens, heavens, call me Tobli, yup-yup!" He squeaked, still looking at us in that scarily intense way of his. I think it unnerved me more because I could feel his stare when I couldn't even see his eyes; either that or I was beginning to process the fact that he did indeed look like a small child with a beak strapped to its face.

"Sure thing Tobli… We'll be back in a jiffy… yup-yup…" I said weakly, plastering on a fake smile. Gippal saluted his new employer smartly before pirouetting me round and dragging me bodily down the path with him, arm in arm.


	5. Chapter Five: Pain in the Ass

A/N: Oh my good Lord! I'm on someone's Favourites list! Joyous, happy day! -starts to dance with the still boogying Tobli- Thanks so much guys! I'm getting more reviews every chapter, so that's great incentive to keep going; and trust me, you're getting a lot more. I'm still writing as we speak and it's 40,000 words, or there abouts, so I'll probably always keep a chapter on hand, so I can meet my own deadlines, (I'm oh-so-demanding for a terminally lazy person).

Well... this chapter contains its share of fluff, random angst attacks, and the implication of a drunken ballad, which I may actually write if someone asks for it. Also, the smoochies are coming soon! -gasps- I know! It took me darned well long enough, didn't it? Reviews are still highly appreciated, they make me smile like a crazy person!

**-Star99-** No problem, as my only regular, you are entitled to the perks it entails. -giggles- I'm so glad you're enjoying it though, and I know, school really does suck, but heck, I get to drop Economics soon! -cheers feebly- Then I'll only have FOUR A Levels! -cries- Don't worry though, I'm still updating as quick as is physically possible!

**-EdenJaded-** You find me witty! -squeals excitedly- Thanks so much! I hope this chapter meets expectations too!

**-K-Jaye-** Yeah, I'm proud of my 'waffle iron' comment too, I'm so pleased that you liked it! I try my best to insert moments of utterly random humour or the fic'd get really bogged down in all the angst that somehow appears, but, then again, the situation's so surreal that it doesn't seem to detract too much from plot (I hope!) Thanks again!

**-Jezzi-** I'm gonna interpret that review in two ways: 1). The fic is good, your keyboard was just being stupid, 2). My mad authorz skillz are godlike... I think I like number two best... -giggles- Don't worry, I'm not being mean, at the best of times I miss the keyboard and end up creating a travesty disguised as English, I just thought it was funny. Thanks for reviewing!

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**Chapter Five: Pain in the Ass (or Confessions (and ballads in the making) of the Hopelessly Inebriated)**

As soon as we turned the bend I looked desperately to my wicked compatriot.

"Please tell me that was all some sadistic joke and you're taking me to Djose as opposed to making me a pop starlet." I begged, making Gippal laugh cruelly.

"This is way too much fun to pass up, and it'd be nice to get the old axe out again." He answered nostalgically, no doubt fantasising over whatever monstrous instrument he had constructed. Over the years I became aware that Gippal really seemed to be trying to compensate for something: he had a huge faction that served as one of the three main powers in Spira, he had an airship the size of a luxury cruise liner, he had the biggest ego on the planet, and last but not least, and in the least perverted terms I can think of, he'd got a big fecking gun, in fact, it was more the size of a tuba than a gun…

"Gippal, you're really missing the point here. I'm not a singer, never have been, never will be." I said gently, not wanting to hurt his feelings by ruining his reunion with his guitar.

"I really must be, cos you've got quite a set of pipes on you, Cid's Girl." He said honestly, which was really rather sweet, unless I'd managed to pick up some lead piping that I couldn't see… I quashed my paranoia relatively quickly before re-establishing my argument.

"Even if that is the case, I still don't sing." I said more firmly this time, making Gippal frown.

"But you were singing just now… back at Home you used to sing all the time…" He said as if I'd gone mad, which I had done, but that was beside the point. Then I cringed, remembering that Gippal didn't even live anywhere near 'the family' back at Home. It had taken my father four years of my traumatic life to actually reveal to me that when I sang in my bedroom, you could hear me half way across the desert. Back then I had already been afraid of singing in public, hence only singing in my room, but from that day onwards I clamped down on opening my mouth and only really sang when I was absolutely certain that not a single person in all the world could hear me. I was also more than a little surprised that I'd been singing, and at such volume, just then as well, but I put it down to madness and the instigator of the madness: my hubby dearest. Deciding that there was no valid way to convey my argument to Gippal and make him adopt this particular philosophy without attacking him, I was left with the options of lying, emotional blackmail, or telling him something deeply personal to me.

"That was Brother… back in the days before his voice broke…" I lied. I must admit that I have at least a better poker face than Yunie, and that I could be quite the drama queen if ever there was need for melodrama to get my way, but Gippal was a soldier, and he was trained to read anything from a person's face and body language; and to tell the truth, I really didn't want to lie to him; that and the fact that my comment really couldn't apply to the present day, because it sure as hell hadn't been Brother singing all of five minutes ago, mostly due to the fact that he wasn't even here… True to my suspicions, Gippal didn't buy it.

"Cid's Girl, will you just tell me why performing for Tobli bothers you so much? If you've actually got some reason I really don't mind if we pull out, I just thought it might be fun." He finished quietly, making me feel like someone who shot a little kid's puppy. The man had always been able to manipulate me, curse him…

"They'll laugh at me…" I replied just as softly, waiting for Gippal to do exactly what I was afraid he would. I screwed my eyes shut and waited for some snipe about us being down as a comedy routine anyway, but it never came. I was still tensed, like a soldier being court-martialled, waiting for the deafening roar of the guns. I flinched when I felt a warm, calloused hand brush some stray hair behind my ear and linger momentarily on my cheek.

"Why would anyone laugh at you?" He asked concernedly. My eyes flashed open and I gave him a disbelieving look.

"Because I'm a joke!" I cried mournfully. "I've never been good at anything that matters! I try so hard to be good enough… but I'm not… I'm not Yunie, and I'm a disappointment as a daughter, a failure as a princess, and a disgrace to the Al Bhed." I finished sadly, determined not to cry in yet another public place. Gippal adopted a look of utter shock, before his iris darkened and his eye narrowed sharply.

"Who told you this?" He asked dangerously, voice low and rough with barely suppressed rage.

"Who hasn't told me this? Every single man I've had to… schmooze with at father's balls have told me that an incompetent little thing like me would only be a danger to herself and others if left alone with machina, or put in charge of an operation, or anything that could actually be of benefit to anyone else… All the guys I worked with in salvage said I was too weak to do the work and too clumsy to do the repairs… Even as a kid they mocked me cos princesses weren't meant to be covered in grease stains." I said pitifully, not even daring to look at Gippal anymore. He remedied this by tilting my chin upwards.

"Then they were all jealous or scared of you, Cid's Girl." He said evenly, causing me to look to him in confusion. "With machina, I daresay that you could give me a run for my money. Though if anyone asks me about that I will vehemently deny it." He said with a small smile, making me giggle. "And the guys who thought you were a feeble little girl? They were afraid you'd beat the crap out of them! For Yevon's sake, you took SIN on and won!" He said in disbelief, making me puff out my chest proudly… not that it improved my cleavage much… "And as for being a failure as a princess, you're beautiful, witty and a lot more erudite than you let on, you're passionate, moral, charismatic, and you're kind as well. You're not the Lady Yuna," He started, making me wonder why he'd built me up so damn high to push the foundations out from under me like a destructive toddler with building blocks. Now I really felt like crying… "I for one, am GLAD you are not Yuna, if you were I'd have probably drowned myself in the Moonflow now for boredom. She may be the most 'celebrated celebrity', but to be brutally honest, she annoys the hell outta me." He concluded before laughing at my scandalised expression. "What?" He defended with a chuckle, "She's too nice for her own good and that makes her predictable to a fault, and the Miss. Congeniality bit she does for the fans is beginning to do my head in." He said bluntly. After a few moments of stunned silence I began to laugh like I hadn't done so in an awfully long time. After a few minutes of this Gippal began to get impatient, so I held up an apologetic hand as I tried to catch my breath. "I'm not saying I don't like her, I just prefer her in small doses." He clarified tactfully, setting me off again.

"I think I have to get a sphere recording of that, just so I can always play back to myself that one person in all of Spira would choose me over Yunie." I said in wonderment, positive that I was grinning like the village idiot.

"Of course!" Gippal said like it was obvious. "Even on a really shallow level it's quite plain to see that you're prettier." He scoffed, again making my eyes go wide as dinner plates. Hoo boy, was he racking up the respect points!

"Even though I am loathe to interrupt this plethora of compliments, a feat from you I doubt to see ever again, but there is one thing that will change your opinion of me, quite drastically." I said, attempting breeziness and failing. Gippal waited patiently for his explanation, which was just as surprising as the compliments. "It's my fault Yunie's on this stupid quest to begin with. It's my fault her lover is dead. It's my fault my best friend is dead. I made a choice that will haunt me forever, and his blood is on my hands for it. Do you find me heroic now? Am I kind for sacrificing someone else to save the world and save a summoner?" I asked bitterly.

"I think you're one of the most heroic people I know if you can carry a burden like that." He replied seriously. The tears began to prick at my eyes again and I brushed them angrily away.

"Don't you see? Because I didn't tell anyone I let him die! The Fayth who were sick and tired of dreaming snuffed out his existence like it was something as insignificant as a candle. He faded away in front of her very eyes after I stripped her Aeons from her, because I didn't tell her, because I murdered him!" I shouted, bursting into tears. Gippal looked more than ready to intervene, but, never having had any female relatives, also looked confused and unable to deal with the random crying jag. However, before he lost what dignity he may have once possessed in the process of cheering me up, he was pinned by two bandits who had each grabbed one of his arms. Instead of frightened or even mildly shocked, he just looked rather irked and tired by what seemed to be another in a never-ending list of fiascos. Still sobbing and now utterly humiliated, I tried to compose myself, furiously pushing the heels of my hands into my eye sockets.

"Don't worry darling, we won't hurt him… if he gives us what we want." One of the bandits not involved in the process of holding Gippal and evidently the leader proclaimed. Deciding to be flippant 'til the end, if I was being extremely pessimistic, Gippal rather spoiled the mood.

"I'm really sorry about this, but I don't swing that way, so you'd better get it over with." Gippal said like he was actually repentant… as if… The leader started to massage his temples to stave off a migraine. I almost felt pity for the bandit; I knew what those headaches were like firsthand. The other two just seemed to be pole-axed by the fact that Gippal was not in fact whimpering like a little girl and throwing them everything he owned. The leader then decided that it would be much easier to pick on little defenceless me, as opposed to Gippal, who was still stoically waiting for death, apart from when he was uttering stinging quips accompanied by puerile gestures.

"Look, hand over the Gil, and we'll let you live, it's as easy as that…" He said soothingly, thinking my tears were due to fright. "Now, what do you say?" He asked, smiling broadly to reveal rotten and decaying teeth, which was most unpleasant. Gippal seemed to have noticed this as well.

"I guess the thieves' union don't have a dental plan then…" He stage whispered to me, and it was all I could do to hold my smile back. Then, obviously having had enough, the leader of the merry band of vagabonds took his sword out of its scabbard and then a step towards Gippal, who wasn't perturbed in the least. I wasn't either, I was just angry. As metal flashed in the afternoon sun, Gippal broke his captors' multiple grips and spun deftly to receive only a stinging gash to his back. Eyes narrowed, I stormed up towards the head honcho, who seemed rather stunned that Gippal wasn't a massacred mess at his feet, and tapped him hard on the shoulder. When he spun around his face poetically met my fist. Crumpling to the ground in an unconscious heap, I glared at him with disdain.

"That's a pretty universal gesture for 'no'." I snarled, kicking the sprawl of limbs like a sack of potatoes. The other bandits had witnessed the whole exchange and were looking at me like I had many heads, tentacles and quite possibly also a big cannon. They made up their minds pretty quickly however, and ran, leaving their leader in the middle of the road. As soon as they vanished over the horizon I ran as fast as my short little legs could carry me to Gippal, who was sitting awkwardly on a grass verge, wearing a highly amused smirk. I sighed at his typical nonchalance and began to fiddle awkwardly with the intersecting braces that held on his shoulder armour. Unfortunately this proved beyond me and Gippal was just making things even more complicated by moving while he was laughing at me. Exasperated, I snagged a pocket knife from my boot and got ready to saw through the blasted material, which just made the infuriating man laugh harder. He twisted the central buckle at his back with an eased, practiced motion and the straps unbuckled instantaneously, making a little: ta-da, motion at his fantastic skill that I could never hope to possess, what with being really stupid. I growled in response and brusquely pulled the armour from his shoulders, only feeling slightly remorseful when he hissed as I tugged the flesh near his wound. However, as I slipped my hands under his shirt I felt an expanse of warm, smooth skin and I paled, feeling utterly embarrassed, inexperienced and useless. Gippal again made matters worse by giving me a cocky grin, daring me to prove him wrong, because I KNEW that he knew that I was as innocent as a baby kitten, and that he wasn't going to help me in any way, shape or form until I begged him to.

This was what steeled my reserve as I gripped the fabric tightly and pulled. Fortunately the stupid man decided to facilitate things by lifting his arms, but I think this was more due to how stunned he was than any conscious kindness. But if he was stunned, I was like a chocobo in the headlights. I couldn't help but stare like a poor, helpless animal frozen in place by the glare of lamps and about to become road-kill. In fact, the most accurate way to describe me at that moment would probably have been incoherent, unintelligible mush. At a very optimistic best, I probably could have lunged forward with open grasping hands, gasping a Neanderthallic 'want'. Thank Valefor that Gippal thought I was pissed at him, or I'd have never ever lived it down. He dutifully turned around and presented the broad planes of his back, which I have to say were just as delectable as his front, therefore not giving me much room for improvement on the senseless gibbering front. The tan flesh however was marred by an angry cut that extended from the base of one shoulder blade to the swell of the opposite hip. It wasn't the only scar either, I noticed sadly, for the smooth, otherwise unblemished skin showed a myriad of battle wounds like symbols on a map. Shocked back into some sense of reality, I got my trusty sewing kit out and began a brave attempt to thread the needle. I must admit it was a hell of a lot easier when I could think straight, and when my hands weren't shaking so damned much. "Nice tattoo… ex-girlfriend?" I asked enviously, but much more comfortably now firmly embedded in the well worn trench of insults. The question resulted from the inked artwork ingrained in Gippal's left shoulder. The woman was, typically, undoubtedly gorgeous, with long, flowing hair curled by an imaginary breeze as most Artistes Nouveaux were wont to do, with laughing spiral eyes and a full, beaming mouth. I was pleased to note that she was about as endowed as I was, so I guessed Gippal wasn't that much of a chauvinistic pig troll, but I was still beyond hacked off that I was engaged to a man with a beautiful woman on his back.

_-Looking back on that thought, that was really creepy…-_

She was enfolded in some traditional heavenly bed sheet, with large, beautiful, frayed wings that had sprouted from her shoulders. The same feathers from her back had doubled as earrings, and I fingered my own fondly, glad that Gippal agreed with my tremendous fashion sense. A long glove graced one of her slender arms, ending in a truly brutal set of talons that were fixed onto the ridiculously intricate garment with reinforcements, small slides that each long claw would fit into and were riveted into a second leather glove that perched on top of the first. What I would've given for a weapon like that two years ago. Then again, anything would've been mightily preferable to the ramshackle knuckle dusters I'd set out with. The other arm stretched out into the cleft created by Gippal's vertebrae, and the angel's outstretched hand had ironically caught something painful, for the scar was far more vivid than any of the others, the mangled flesh having knitted poorly. The scar itself looked almost like a sphere of tiny tendrils, which worried me greatly, for not many injuries came from small, round objects that cut through skin like a hot knife through butter.

"Ha, no ex of mine would take a bullet for me; they'd be the ones who were trigger happy!" He said jovially, effectively answering my question. I wiped away the sluggishly trickling blood with an antidote and was relieved that Gippal had been lucky enough to receive a clean wound. Having finally found success with the needle, I began the routine stitches. My fingers flit across the torn skin, needle weaving unsteadily after them as I tried to make the distance between each stitch as minute as I could, for I couldn't bear to see him with yet another scar.

"When did you get it done?" I asked conversationally, desperately needing to be distracted from his tantalising flesh.

"When Home was destroyed…" He said sadly, and memories of that day rose in me, but I crushed them angrily and shook them from my mind. "I'd been there, to see if I could do anything, but everyone was dead, everything was in flames. Then, I saw a group of people, and I only realised a lot later down the line that it was you guys on your pilgrimage." He said with a wry smile.

"I'm hurt that you didn't recognise little old me." I said sarcastically, smiling back.

"Well, it had been an awfully long time since I'd seen you last, and you'd really changed, Cid's Girl." He said, hissing when I stabbed him for calling me the dreaded nickname.

"You kind of have to cut your hair for salvage." I said amusedly, remembering how short it had been.

"Well yeah, but I was expecting someone with hair down to their butt." He said snootily, making me laugh.

"You should have seen it when it was in a bob!" I said in mock agony. "I looked like a man!" I cried, crinkling my nose in displeasure.

"Well, you've always been waiflike, but you're still far too cute to be a man." Gippal replied.

"Nuh-uh." I answered petulantly. "In my wetsuit that was far too big for me I got hit on by women." I said, perfectly truthfully, even though I cringed to remember. Gippal didn't defend my feminine charms because he was too busy laughing like a fool. He stopped when I stabbed him again.

"Then blame the wetsuit, cos even though waiflike you may be, when I saw you last you'd definitely filled out some." He said whilst mock leering at me, earning him a half-hearted slap on the arm.

"Doris and Pearl were still in the pre-school years back then." I said sadly, reminiscing on how unfair it was to be a flat teenager next to Lulu of all people. Gippal laughed again until he felt my warning glare aimed at the back of his head.

"If I hadn't have been ambushed by some of Seymour's minions I would have beaten that guy silly…" He muttered to himself darkly, making me giggle.

"You mean Ti? What'd he do wrong?" I asked, wide eyed and innocent, even though I knew exactly what he was referring to.

"He hurt you, and even if I didn't know you were Rikku, you were still cute enough for me to go down there, play knight in tarnished armour and kick that bottle blonde's ass." He concluded venomously.

"I think it was a good thing, it really shook me out of my schoolgirl crush, let me tell you." I said with a grin. Sure, Ti was cute and all, but he was more like the goofiest big brother you'd ever have. Apart from Brother… but Tidus was crazy in a good way… unlike Brother. Gippal craned his neck round to scowl a mighty scowl.

"You had a crush on pretty boy?" He demanded sulkily, which made me laugh.

"He reminded me of someone, that's all… Someone blonde, tanned, blue eyed, hyperactive and mad as a ferret, kinda cocksure but nice once you got past the arrogance… catch my drift?" I said, painting a rather obvious picture.

"He is still a potential threat and I declare that he lost his claim to you the moment he raised his hand." Gippal said, still rather petulantly, but I found it all highly cute. Usually I would have been beyond annoyed that someone had the audacity to dictate to me, but a jealous Gippal was really too adorable to be mad at. However, like hell I was going to let him know that.

"You do not own me Gippal… You will NOT tell me what to do." I said primly, biting the thread so close to the knot I grazed his skin with my teeth. I blushed furiously at the sudden rapid fire voice in my brain screaming at me to do it again.

"Yes I do, so yes I can…" He said smugly, before flouncing up to his feet and lugging me with him. I sighed at his childishness but I wasn't about to let the matter go.

"I don't see your name written anywhere…" I said in exasperation, which proved to be a fatal mistake. Gippal delved into one of his voluminous pockets and pulled out a large marker pen. My eyes grew to the size of chocobo eggs as I realised what he was about to do but he tackled me back to the ground before I could run. My face was in the dirt and he was too heavy to push off, so I squirmed feebly while he cackled in triumph. A moment later he was back on his feet, energetic little rodent that he is, and a second after that he'd scooped me back up as well, depositing me furiously on my own.

"Voila!" He cried happily, brandishing a sphere in front of my face. Wearily inspecting it, I saw that my skirt clad backside had been filmed, proudly emblazoned with the word: GIPPAL'S, in large, permanent, capital letters. I was sorely tempted to break his face again, but the hilarity and strangeness of the situation struck me and I just cracked up, shaking my head as I grabbed Gippal by the hand and led him down the road in search of more vagrants. "Anyway, after I got back Baralai had found me in an utter mess and decided to perform an age old male ritual of getting absolutely plastered with me. At Yevon knows when we stumbled drunkenly into a tattoo parlour. This big burly guy came up and asked me what I wanted, to which I replied proudly, 'An angel, THIS angel!' Before shoving a sphere into his hand; a sphere I'd taken from someone's rooms so I could give it back to them if they were still alive.

However, I thought this frightening man with no visible neck was a genie, there to grant my wish to make this beautiful girl appear before my eye in a clichéd cloud of smoke, so I was pretty damned surprised when he carted me to a chair, ripped my shirt off and gave me something to bite on. I may have been well and truly inebriated, but when big scary guys like that give you a strip of leather? You panic blindly for your ass's survival." He said with a shudder, making me cackle like some wicked witch that lived in a giant toadstool. "Baralai managed to calm me down somehow, a wonder that will confuse me to this day cos he was further gone than I was, but then this wench pounced on him and offered to give him a free tattoo if it was below his hip and above his knee. Baralai, thinking he had great business sense, happily dropped his trousers and defiantly asked for Paine's name to be forever inked on his backside, therefore making me laugh like some mental patient cos that meant he'd have Paine in his ass for all eternity." He continued, both of us laughing like children.

"I'd love to have a sphere for the night they finally get together…" I said with an evil grin, making Gippal laugh impossibly harder.

"Definitely, we'll have to spy on them outside the window and then call the cavalry when she flips out." He answered just as malevolently. "After he'd got it done I had to stop him from tracking down Paine and showing her the extent of his love. It was truly awful when he started to compose a ballad." He said with a chuckle.

"I'll have to ask him to perform next time I visit Bevelle." I replied with a smile.

"Oh, woe ish me?" A Hypello voice called out from somewhere in the distance. We'd obviously found our man… er… Hypello… I jogged up to the flailing blue creature that was standing in front of his cart.

"Hi! Tobli sent us and we've already cleared out some of the bandits for you!" I said brightly, trying to calm the Hypello down, even though he looked catatonic.

"You ish here to help?" He asked, momentarily ceasing in his flailing.

"Yeah, that's us, warriors come musicians, now let's go!" I cried, pumping the air with my fist. The Hypello took it all in stride, which was unsurprising, and we set off. Only one bandit tried his luck, but he quickly came to his senses when I shot a vine from the cliff face all of two inches from his head. Therefore we made it back to Tobli the little duck creature in record time, which he was glad for.

"Spectacular! Here you are, as promised!" He cried ecstatically, placing a sphere in my hand. I racked my brains for the aforementioned promise but eventually only trawled up a blank.

"Thank you very much! Our friends should be coming with the rest of… the band…" I said nervously. However, all anxiety quickly fled in the presence of Gippal's childlike smile. He flicked out his communicator with glee.

"Bring my baby to the Moonflow and make sure all of the guys get a free day so that they buy a ticket to Tobli's show, cos me and Cid's Girl are gonna blow you all away!" He said excitedly.

"The Princess? How did you con her into this?" Came the crackled question from the communicator.

"Emotional blackmail…" I muttered, making Gippal laugh.

"Anything else sir?" The communicator asked politely.

"A bass guitar and a pair of the tightest leather trousers imaginable for your boss." I said saccharinely, whilst sticking my tongue out at Gippal.

"And a PVC mini-dress for the lady." Gippal finished smoothly, sticking his own tongue out in return, making me laugh. The connection flickered out in a wash of static and Gippal turned to me, a look of askance in his expression.

"Bass guitar?" He asked simply. I shrugged in reply.

"Well, father did want to cultivate me into a refined young woman, so I was forced to play classical bass." I muttered darkly.

"You mean double bass? Those things are huge!" Gippal exclaimed in awe.

"Not quite that big, I had a 'cello." I answered simply, remembering how quickly my arm muscles developed lugging the bloody thing around. Gippal nodded in understanding and was about to ask another question when Yunie appeared in my field of vision. I waved her over and she gave me look when she noticed Gippal's state of undress, almost as if to confirm if I'D noticed. Then she quirked an eyebrow which I translated to mean: You will tell me everything later.

"Tobli, this is Yuna, Yuna, Tobli. Tobli is my new boss seeing as Gippal roped me into playing at this show of his and Yuna is my cousin… and the High Summoner." I said pleasantly, hiding a smile behind my hand as Tobli's jaw dropped, something that happened a lot at introductions with my cousin.

"You wouldn't be tempted to do another concert Lady Yuna?" He fairly begged, making me growl in rage. As a kid Yunie had never been able to hit a note as well as I could. Gippal saw my bout of jealousy and pulled my mouth into a painful grin.

"Run Yuna, while you still can." Paine wisecracked as I tried to fend Gippal off. Yunie politely declined and gestured proudly to three musicians that she'd managed to round up and recruit. Gippal wrenched his hands away when I managed to bite him, but got his revenge by pinching me hard on the arm. I squeaked in pain and glared nastily at my assailant, who took off running as I brandished one of my pistols. I had a good laugh when one of his own men almost ran him down on a small scooter however, so I forgave Gippal, it was just his own messed up way of cheering me up anyway.

"This is really not a clever way to win the trust of your esteemed leader…" Gippal muttered whilst brushing imaginary dirt from his ass, seeing as he'd landed pretty hard on his posterior after jumping out the way of the speeding vehicle.

"I'm really sorry to interrupt." Yuna started uncertainly after containing her laughter, "but Brother's decided that we're giving the sphere back, and I wanted us all to be there to come to… an appropriate decision." She said reluctantly. I winced as I remembered the contents and shot a repentant glance to Tobli.

"I'll be back, you can count on it, I just need to handle this first." I promised, a decision that was hastened when I saw the PVC mini-dress. Even dead I'd be too embarrassed to be seen in it. Gippal decided to come too though, having witnessed my abhorrence of the dress, if it could be called that, as a security measure, meaning he knew I was going to run for it the first chance I got.


	6. Chapter Six: Leather, Liplocks and Lispi...

A/N: First up, sorry for the title, I think all the years of English have finally warped me into the Queen of Rhetorical Devices... Blessed be the magic three! -groans-  
Secondly, thanks again, all of you, for reviewing for little old me! It makes me so happy, to the point of smiling like the village idiot, but I don't care, you LIKE me, you really like me! -groans again- I promise I'll stop with the puns and cliches and whatnot, VERY soon, I've just got to get over this particular affliction. And speaking of afflictions, I have a STUPID cold! I can't breathe through my nose and my head hurts and I sneeze and cough and create a huge mess because of it and I can't go to my band rehearsal cos I sing worse than usual! -cries, before takingdeep breath to continue- Actually, I think I'll stop moaning, -Star99- seems to have gone into a coma...  
One more thing, I promise this is it, but, if anyone doesn't recognise the song titles that I've put down here, that's a good thing, cos they're MY songs! -giggles- I've always pictured Rikku to pretty much like any and every type of music as long as she could bop along to it, but I've put in rather scary choices seeing as I'm to lazy to do more disclaimers for other peoples' music, so I'll leave it as my own, who knows, if education falls through I could be a rockstar! -cracks up-

For the last few chappies, I've neglected this, so: STILL DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY, EVEN IF I AM A GOD!

Now, onto the various thank yous and general banter, it's so fun replying to people who review! Yay for reviewing!

**-Rikku SWiRLS-** Awww... thanks so much for the nice things you wrote, even though I'm wondering how far up the scale of 1 to bad I should mark the comment 'update or burn' as. Eh, I'll take it as flattery, and I hope this was a quick enough update to save myself from being roasted like a suckling pig on a spit!

**-Jezzi-** I am in actual fact, the Goddess of the Blackcurrent People, and my only worshipper is a sausage, but if I can cram in literary arts in my area of divine expertise, so be it! Thanks again for reviewing... again, enjoy!

**-Katie-** Short, but very, very sweet, hope you keep reading and liking!

**-ria-baalinda-** I am gonna include more dress-sphere action, one scene in my mind is already unfolding with much of the usual insanity and wanton violence that my writing includes -cackles- But that's a secret, for now. I don't think I'll include the Omatsurishi or Saikikka spheres though, mainly because my copy of the game didn't have them so I have no clue what they really entail, everything else will probably get a mention though! Thanks!

**-LostxFoundxUnsure-** In this chapter, I give you the smoochies! -gasps- I love making Rikku and Gippal go through all the love, hate and UST that they're famous in their own right for, but even though this fic seems to have been going on forever, they've only really been, 'together' for all of a day, and I didn't exactly want Rikku to look 'easy', even though if I was her I would have tackled Gippal to the ground as soon as I was old enough to legally do so, lol. Thanks for reviewing!

**-sugarNspikes-** Ooh, another new reviewer! -gorges self on cookies- Oh dammit... that's my diet shot to hell... I'm glad you've picked up my little story as your current addiction, and I'm also highly smug that I'd impress an English teacher, seeing as I'm still studying Eng Lit,and I might even do it at university, if I don't get Oriental Studies at Cambridge, so Yay for literary prowess! Ooh, anyway, I am a glutton for compliments, so I give you no valid reason to stop praising me, -cackles- Enjoy!

What Rikku is actually saying, as opposed to the legible speech before it.  
"..." Speech  
'...' Quotes, emphasis  
-_italics_- Thought

Chapter Six: Leather, Lip-locks and Lisping

We arrived at the airship bickering as per usual.

"My only concession is that if I have to wear… that, MONSTROSITY, I get to choose the songs." I said petulantly.

"That's hardly fair, did you SEE those trousers?" Gippal shot back in a manner just as juvenile as my own.

_-But boy had I seen those trousers,-_ I thought lecherously.

"Nothing compared to the abomination I have to play clothes horse to." I snapped, not caring for our audience of Paine and Yunie, both of whom seemed to be highly amused by the whole exchange.

"If I got to pick one measly song you might start to even the odds a little." He said moodily, and it was a term I could just about deal with.

_-Creative control was mainly mine AND Gippal was wearing his skimpy outfit-_

I cackled in my brain and saw Paine roll her eyes a me.

"Done." I said finally, thrusting my hand forward to clinch the deal.

"Oh Cid's Girl, I think we know each other a little bit better than that, don't we?" He said disappointedly, not giving me time to work out what the hell he meant.

"Wha-?" Was all that escaped my lips before Gippal wrenched me to him via my outstretched arm, moulding my frame to his and then kissing the living daylights out of me. When I came to my senses again I was grinning like a kid with a new bike having an asthma attack. Gippal appeared to be long gone. Yunie was standing in front of me, giggling like a schoolgirl while Paine just sighed at my antics.

"You two sure were… enthusiastic." She deadpanned while my traitorous cousin decided to laugh harder.

"I'd deny it but I don't remember…" I wheezed pathetically.

"Well, let's just say that you two seemed to be a LOT friendlier with each other than you were this morning. Which does lead me to wonder what happened at the Moonflow…?" Yunie said slyly, devilish smile out in full force.

"Just some bandits…" I lied, ever hopefully.

"Which really explains why Gippal is sans shirt and why you've got his name branded on your backside…" Paine answered, effectively spoiling any chance I had to keep the whole matter private.

"Nothing happened!" I shouted quickly, realising seconds later how much guiltier that made me sound. "Anyway, I'm not the only one that got branded." I said, snickering like a little child with a secret.

"Nothing as in nothing happened just now?" Yuna asked wickedly, making me blush to an interesting shade of vermillion. I'd discovered yet another of the reasons why he was such a successful playboy. This led me to a fond stroll down memory lane, even though I'd been kissed rather thoroughly all of two minutes ago and I could still feel the pulse beating erratically in my swollen lips.

"Wake me up when she comes out of La La Land." Paine said, sounding rather disgusted. "I'm off to find the other annoying one." She said, her grin permeating through her monotone.

"He wouldn't have gotten far, seeing as he couldn't even walk in a straight line." Yunie giggled in reply.

_-Did that mean I was a good kisser? Or did it mean I was so horrendously bad I'd mentally scarred him? Had I cleaned my teeth this morning? Oh Ixion! What if I hadn't and had halitosis bad enough to kill a man? What if he was dead? What if he never wanted to kiss me again?-_

"How long's she been like this?" A familiar voice asked jokingly.

"She hasn't moved since 'the incident'." Yunie replied with a chuckle.

"You don't think her brain melted, do you?" The man asked with no hint of concern and I realised how having an interior monologue was exactly that, and that no one else had heard me talk for a long while now, which probably made them think I'd turned into some kind of vegetable.

"As if…" I snorted derisively to Gippal, whose hair had somehow gotten deliciously mussed. His lips were bruised and his eye was so dark and fathomless I was almost sucked in. I grinned proudly at my handiwork. "I was deciding what we were going to play and at the moment I've come up with six songs, which means I need about three more until we've got an hour's set, if we add your solitary contribution…" I said haughtily, even though I'd completely lied.

"And these songs would be?" Gippal purred inquisitively and I felt my legs become fawnlike.

"Maybe Someday, Corrupt Seduction, Goodbye, E Muja Oui, No Strings Attached, Second Chances, um… I'll stick in Faerie Tale, Disillusioned Deceiver and Good Enough? If we have time for an encore I choose Control." I reeled off unsteadily, hoping my eclectic choices pacified Gippal's 'superior' musical taste.

"I recognise none of those, so I REFUSE to play them…" He said, jutting his lower lip out for effect. I sighed in utter exasperation.

"I only agree to change one song to Fallen Angel, which I'll also bet you've never heard of." I replied snippily. Gippal pouted and muttered a concession. "Good boy…" I said sweetly, ruffling his gelled, spiky hair for effect. His hair is surprisingly soft,

_-I'd have to ask him how he looked after it so well some other time…-_

"At least I get ONE decent guitar solo out of this…" He sulked, so I pinched him hard. "Hey! I agreed dammit!" He yelped as Yunie laughed.

"Oh! Hi! Sorry, I'd totally forgotten about you, Yunie!" I said embarrassedly, but she brushed my inattentiveness off easily and gestured for me to resume our battle for creative control.

"You're such a flake…" Gippal mumbled derisively, before cowering when I brandished the flat of my hand. "Anyway… as I've said, I'm absolutely clueless about these choices of yours, so you'd better run over genres with me so I can complain now as opposed to in practices." He said oh-so-charitably.

"Maybe Someday is hard rock peppered with angst;" I was hardly going to announce that it was a bitching session about Gippal's acquisition of another sycophantic airhead, was I? Thank Ixion he was stupid or the moment he read it I'd be mocked into oblivion! "Corrupt Seduction is pretty much a gothic ballad… Goodbye, eh, I guess rock again, less angst and more anger, E Muja Oui is a symphonic metal ballad, ah, yes, the power ballad, shut up Gippal before I rip your tongue from your head, No Strings Attached is Gothic Metal, Second Chances is just utterly heart-wrenching," and it'd have to be, cos it fit Yuna's mood to a T after 'you know who' left… "Faerie Tale is soft rock, but it's utterly disturbing, Disillusioned Deceiver would be more metal, sorry about that, Good Enough is melodic punk," I cheered in an utterly fake manner, "Ooh look, a change in genre!" I spouted rather feebly, "And Control is more rock and roll, with post-hardcore and emo influences, which pretty much goes for everything, seeing as music is so difficult to encase in a single pigeonhole." I said cryptically, ticking off each song on my fingers.

"And there I was thinking you were a fan of sugar-coated music." Gippal said, still looking perturbed by the amount of content that fell under the category of 'metal'.

"I am, I just like most types of music, my only prerequisite is someone who can sing." I said like it was obvious, well, it was in my mind. "An added bonus comes with good lyrics, but so many of my favourites speak Al Bhed as a first language so it's harder to write a masterpiece for them. However, I don't like borrowing other people's music and I just can't seem to write anything with a remotely happy ending. My lyrics have been described as perverse many a time; I scare adults with them and therefore show them to no one. However, you pulled the kicked puppy dog look on me and so you're stuck with MY material." I pouted, wishing some Indie could have appeared on the bill as well.

"Are you going to do any of the songs in Al Bhed?" Gippal asked, having absorbed the information seemingly unfazed.

"Yes, and if you behave yourself I'll let you scream in anguish during Disillusioned Deceiver." I said like an adult bribing a small child. Gippal just grinned and shrugged.

"You wear that dress and I'll do anything you say." He said easily, making me laugh because I could practically see the cogs turning in his perverted mind.

"Good, you can start by pouring yourself into those trousers and leaving them half undone." I said professionally, ruining the image by sticking my tongue out. Yunie seemed scandalised yet again so I smiled sheepishly.

"You sure you want to sell yourself short, Cid's Girl? Cos if I did that it really wouldn't be about the music anymore, would it?" He asked slowly, running his tongue across his teeth. I almost forgot to breathe, but managed to compose myself, a veritable miracle if ever there was one.

"Well Gippal, we are primarily entertainers, are we not?" I replied, curtseying daintily. "We'll just have to warn people to blindfold their children in advance." I said, a wee bit impractically.

"Or we could ask Tobli to put age restrictions on the tickets…" Gippal said reasonably, making me feel like I had the brain the size of a shrivelled walnut.

"Meh…" I shrugged easily, "that's probably why you've got a big old faction and all I have are overdue bills." My brow suddenly furrowed in puzzlement. "Hey, wasn't Paine meant to be with you?" I asked worriedly. Gippal smirked flippantly in response.

"She found me and delivered her message, 'hurt her and I'll break out the ass whooping, yada yada yada'." He drawled, waving his hand as if the fan the words away. I smiled sweetly.

"Aw, she cares about little old me." I chirped proudly.

"That or she's just looking for an excuse to hit me." Gippal added, making my face fall. That seemed a hell of a lot more likely.

"Remind me to never tell you my hopes and dreams." I muttered peevishly.

"Too late, Princess, you bargained with me that I would receive the central governing position of Bikanel Island when you 'came to power'." He said smugly, making me blush furiously. Years ago, my most precious possession, a jet propelled sand board that dad had made me for my tenth birthday, had gone 'missing'. I'd been so upset that I'd made a deal with the devil, who'd gone by the name of Gippal back then, and in fact, he still does… to give him some land to rule when I became Empress of the World. Gippal had unfortunately remembered this stupid childhood dream and was now mocking me with it.

"That deal became null and void when I found out that YOU were the one that had stolen Bernard in the first place!" I cried angrily, still sore about an episode that had taken place over six years previously. Instead of rallying to argue the point, Gippal cracked up. I turned indignantly to Yunie, who just looked truly confused, bless her little cotton socks.

"Sorry," Gippal said, his breathing beginning to return to normal as he wiped his eye with the back of one gloved hand. "I couldn't for the life of me remember what absurd name you'd given it. I just recalled that only you would be able to call a sand surfer Bernard." He said, beginning to giggle hysterically again. Unable to comprehend what was so funny, I pouted for want of something to fill the painful period of time that would elapse until Gippal stopped laughing at me.

Ticking off the seconds on my fingers wasn't exactly making my seething rage dissipate, if anything, it was fanning the flames. From past experience, I knew that the only way to shut the irritating man up would be to cut off his oxygen supply, so, after quickly devising a plan of action, I stomped up to my cackling fiancé, hands on hips and glaring. After a few seconds, his viewpoint from his doubled over position seemed to fix upon my irritated foot tapping violently against the earth. He straightened, still snickering like a child, to look at me expectantly. My look of utter fury did nothing to silence him; if anything his efforts were redoubled. Lightning quick; my hands clamped onto his face and I rammed his lips to mine. As predicted, Gippal stopped laughing, due to more important matters vying for his time and attention. I praised Yevon that I'd finally found a positive use for the man's mouth, after many, many years of searching for a reason to explain why I didn't just stitch his lips together and be done with it.

I would have dwelt on my findings more if the entirety of my cognitive functions hadn't suddenly gone into meltdown. His tongue swept into my mouth like he owned the place, and I was so addled I was willing to let it slide, because my instincts, and muscles, 93 of which were now acting of their own accord, were screaming at me to see how far I could get before my lungs exploded. My lungs were willing sacrifices, so all was well with the world. My legs easily went about his waist, locking over his narrow hips as burning hands hefted me heavenwards, sinful fingers kneading the flesh of my branded backside as I fisted one hand through his soft hair. The other runaway digits were mapping the broad planes of his back, raking non-existent nails across scalding skin and sinew.

Against all incoherent will, I wrenched my mouth away to suck down much needed air.

"Traitorous organs…" I gasped irately. The world took a while to come back into focus, and when it did, I saw that Gippal was laughing again. Sighing in exasperation, I softly head butted his chest, before resuming my pathetic wheezing. "Why couldn't I be one of those people who knew how to effectively use interior monologues?" I asked no one in particular.

"If you were, there'd be a lot less laughter in the world, Cid's Girl." Gippal panted in reply. I craned my neck up so I could glare at the annoying man, but again got hopelessly distracted by his enticingly dishevelled state.

"Shut up, Gippal." I breathed, before launching myself at him again. Even with this more than adequate warning, Gippal forgot to brace himself for impact and we ended up sprawled on the floor like two lupines hell bent on taking lumps out of each other.

When I was suddenly hefted out of Gippal's welcoming arms it felt like someone had poured a pitcher of ice cold water over me, which, indeed Paine had. "What is wrong with you?" I sputtered angrily whilst trying to shake my sopping braids out of my eyes.

"You're rolling around on the floor like some barnyard animal and you feel that there's something wrong with me?" Paine asked in evident amusement. This was when I realised something horribly and fatally wrong with my plan. I tried to pivot in Paine's grip, craning my neck until I could just see my cousin out of the corner of my eye. She looked to be in a worse state than when Gippal had hit on her. The blood rushed to my face quicker than I thought was physically possible. "Masquerading as a tomato won't save you now, because you've turned the High Summoner into a gibbering wreck." Paine said; her humour still in tact for the moment. I struggled until she released me onto my fawnlike jelly legs, and I stumbled over to Yuna.

"What's that, Dr. P?" I asked conspicuously audibly, "Shinra's fallen down the old well? He can't swim? Whatever shall we do?" I asked melodramatically. Suddenly Yunie was running full pelt away from us, guns drawn. As sporadically as she'd started, she came to an abrupt halt, before turning on her heel and shooting me a sulky glare.

"Funny…" She muttered through a peevish pout.

"Come on Yunie! There's still time to save the prospector, he's trapped in the abandoned mineshaft!" Gippal cried, doing a passable impression of me for once. Even Paine had to bite her lip to prevent a snigger from escaping. Yunie however, was not impressed. In a totally uncharacteristic move, she stormed up to Gippal and kicked him in the shin, before stomping up the ramp to the Celsius's engine room, muttering angrily to herself. At first, I was too stunned to do anything but stare open mouthed, until I saw Gippal hopping about on one foot, cursing like a sailor. I proceeded to laugh in an infantile manner.

"Huzzah for steel toecaps!" I cheered, giggling until Gippal shot me a Paine patented look of death. I did a quick 180 in my allegiance. "Poor baby, should Mummy kiss it better?" I purred, sauntering up to a now cooperative husband to be. Then I was doused with water again, which, I can safely say, sucked just as bad as it did the first time. Was that algae in my hair? "PAINE! Stop super soaking me!" I wailed petulantly, now desperately trying to wring my clothing dry. Gippal had resumed his near permanent chuckling so I glared at him for being so unsupportive.

"If you two are gonna act like a couple of horny teenagers, then I think I'm entitled to cool your ardour, for the sake of my sanity, as well as the rest of the Gullwings'." She said matter of factly; grinning when she caught Gippal's mumbled:

"It's a bit late for most of them…"

I had started to sulk, because I was NOT a horny teenager, I was a blushing bride to be and therefore it was my RIGHT to be nauseatingly saccharine and at it like rabbits with Gippal. Not saying I'd do THAT… with GIPPAL… it was just an ingenious method to stop him talking! Yes Rikku… good save there…

"I'm soooooo not talking to myself." I said redundantly when I noticed that both Gippal and Paine were staring expectantly at me.

"Sure thing Cid's Girl… Anyways, Dr. P? You're going about this completely the wrong way, cos all you're succeeding in doing is making Cid's Girl's blouse go see through and making the rest of the outfit cling in mind boggling ways." He observed, blatantly leering lecherously at my now visible chest. As was the reoccurring theme of the day, Paine unleashed the fury of the bucket of icky Moonflow water. I blinked slowly as Gippal flicked a sopping bang out his eye. Look at all the pretty droplets meandering down his skin… I went off into some catatonic happy land, as I'm obviously not disturbed enough already.

"THIS MEANS WAR!" Gippal suddenly bellowed. I abruptly turned to see him chasing after Paine in all his angry glory and I got caught up in how the muscles in his back ripple as he runs. I never knew he had such a great ass either. I had to get him into those leather trousers… and quickly. "YOU CAN HIT ME, YELL AT ME, DO WHATEVER YOU FREAKING WANT! BUT YOU DO NOT TOUCH MY HAIR!" He screamed, and I was worried to see that he was beginning to close the gap. Foolish Paine, wearing stiletto heels, although Gippal's boots were heavy enough without being completely sodden, which probably evened things out a bit. In the red corner, the sexy, dripping lunatic, weighing in at three tons due to waterlog, Gippal! In the black corner, she's strong, sassy; she's in an awful lot of trouble, Dr. P! Ding ding ding ding! I chuckled at the path my thoughts were taking, even though my role obviously fell under the category of refereeing this no-holds-barred death match.

_-I hoped they wouldn't hurt me, I'm only little…-_

However, Paine seemed to have the same idea as she zoomed past me, rather awkwardly, as the ground was uneven at best and she was in three inch heels. Heck, I don't know why she wore the things to be perfectly honest, whether to add to her height, which was quite tall enough when put into contrast with myself, or for some feminist kick she was going on was anybody's guess. If I even entertained the notion the blisters I'd encounter half an hour in would be enough to put me off forever. Gippal unfortunately, did not take note of my presence as he also shot past, which was kinda disappointing, seeing as I was staring hard enough to cause physical pain to the both of us. Well, at least me, Yevon almighty my eyeballs were on fire!

"RIKKU! A little help would be appreciated!" Paine bellowed frantically. I noticed that she was having a hard time maintaining her frenetic pace, and that Gippal seemed to be utterly unfazed. I was so glad I was exempt from the rules he seemed to enforce on his precious hair, knowing me I would've tripped on something as absurd as a dust bunny whilst attempting to escape Gippal's ire and landed smack dab on my face.

"I thought my methods were too traumatising to apply!" I shouted coyly back. Ah, sweet revenge… how rarely I have tasted you.

"I think I'm willing to overlook it for the greater good!" She answered scathingly, so I took a few more seconds to ponder.

"You promise not to hose me down again?" I asked doubtfully.

"What? And allow you two to do something as vile as 'christen' the pilot's seat?" She shot back immediately, making me blush to the roots of my hair.

"PAIIIIIIIIIIINE!" I shrieked indignantly, "don't give Gippal any MORE ideas; he's twisted enough as it is!" I cried, even though her suggestion was a lot more tempting than it should have been. "Now promise me or I'll point out how the water's making his hair go a rather unattractive shade of puke green." I said sweetly, internally delighting at Gippal's new eruption of rage. He roared to the heavens before picking up the pace on a severely winded looking warrior.

"FINE! No more water! DO SOMETHING!" Paine shouted fearfully. This was another new expression for me, and I was almost stunned into immobility. Then again, I think even SIN would be scared of bad-hair-day-Gippal. As Paine came hurtling back my way, with Gippal so hot on her heels she was likely to combust, I shot her a conspiratorial grin. She raised her eyes as if sending her undying gratitude to whatever god had answered her prayer and nimbly dodged past me. Gippal was angry rhino charging right behind so I gracefully sidestepped as he passed, before launching myself onto his back. Unfortunately, that was as far as I'd planned ahead, so I was not expecting him to utterly lose his footing and fall hard to terra firma, taking me along with him. My jaw cracked painfully on his spine and the coppery taste of blood entered my mouth.

"YOU IDIOT!" I lisped pathetically, "I bit my tongue!" I wailed out my explanation. It probably came out more like: I thbit thy thung… but, I need to make it slightly coherent for you guys, cos it's hard enough at the best of times. Then again, I have always creepily enjoyed the taste of my own blood, not that I've tried anyone else's, I'm not THAT deranged, so I didn't mind too much, but I think I broke my chin… I sucked my tongue sulkily for a while, before realising that Gippal wasn't apologising, laughing, and or foaming at the mouth. "Er… Gippal?" "Erw... Thwipple?" (Accursed lisp!)

After what seemed like an eternity, I was rewarded with an agonised groan.

"Could you get off me?" He asked feebly. Momentarily, I was worried for his condition, before wondering if it was a slight on my weight.

_-Was he calling me fat? Oh good Yevon, was I fat?-_

I scrambled to my feet, wondering if any man alive could withstand the crushing force of a Hover from a considerable height. He rolled onto his back awkwardly, before staring at me with a now rational eye.

_-Oh no! What if he's angry at me? Stupid Paine, sending me on a guilt trip… Should I apologise now, or should I wait until I don't sound like some retard in a chicken suit on some kid's show? Ice would reduce the swelling! Then I could apologise! Yes, Rikku, you genius!-_

I merrily skipped away to the Celsius to retrieve my wonder cure. I was already in the vicinity of the Cabin when I realised that it probably wasn't all that affectionate to leave my fiancé potentially crippled, lying on the ground, so I begged some ice off of Barkeep, which took a damn long time cos he couldn't understand a word I was saying, -and obviously Charades had not been adopted into the Hypello culture,- and ran back outside.

When I discovered neither hide nor hair of my potentially crippled fiancé, I angrily crushed the ice cube that had been melting on my tongue by clamping my teeth down. This wasn't wise, seeing as I was rewarded with a killer brain freeze for my troubles. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I retreated back to the airship again like a toddler bordering on a temper tantrum, wondering how things had turned so pear shaped in so little time. My tongue seemed to be haemorrhaging considerably less though, which was the only upside to a whole lot of down.

"GRAH!" I screamed to no one in particular, viciously aiming a kick to the steel walls of the airship. I proceeded to scream harder when I received all manners of agony for my trouble. I was told later that I made quite the picture, angrily muttering mild expletives whilst hopping around on one foot like a psychotic, possessed pogo-stick.

However, after a while of ranting and raving, I was too tired to continue so I attempted to make my way to the bridge, dragging my injured foot behind me. As soon as I entered the elevator Gippal appeared out of nowhere and decided to join me, even though he was the last person I wanted to see. I was rather hoping that he'd wait until I was calm, healed and even slightly rational, and long enough for him to have forgotten about the whole, tackling to the ground incident.

"So Cid's Girl, where'd you run off to in such a hurry?" He asked conversationally, but I knew without looking that he was disappointed, and that was even worse than him shouting at me.

"I needed ice to tell you I was sorry…" I lisped feebly, turning my repentant eyes to my feet. "I neededth eyeth to tewll you I wath thowwy" Gippal at first said nothing, but I gave him time to translate my newfound accent. After another thirty seconds I guessed I was meant to explain further. "I can't speak very coherently so I needed ice to reduce the swelling so you'd understand my apology." I elaborated jarringly, stilling my usual flamboyant hand gestures. "I can't thpeak vewwy cohewently tho I needthed eyeth to reduthe da thwelling tho you'd underwthtand my apowogy" Gippal again responded with oh-so-reassuring SILENCE and I began to pace the small cell-like lift, trying to avoid putting weight on my trailing limb.

"So, are you actually gonna say sorry?" He asked suddenly, turning his expectant countenance to my flaming face. I adopted an utterly pole-axed expression as I fumbled through the thought process.

"It's not really overly romantic right now, due to the fact that I've become a walking, talking Igor…" I grasped fleetingly at the words to construct either a perfect excuse or apology, trying to buy at least a little time. "It'th thnot weally overwly womantic wight now, doo to da fwact dat I've becowum a wallaking, thalking Igor" Unexpectedly, but I was grateful nonetheless, Gippal started to giggle, and I had been beginning to think he'd never laugh in my presence again.

"Ok Cid's Girl, but you've got a lot of sucking up to do when you're fixed." He said, letting the matter slide easily, though I was fully aware of the double entendre, and blushed at just what I'd be made to suck. Er… BAD BRAIN! OUT OF GUTTER!

"Yes, master…" I stated glibly, "going up?" "Yeth, mathther… going up?" Gippal just cackled harder and I shook my head in wry amusement; in a way, we'd just survived our first fight, which involved no actual fighting and just an awful lot of awful misunderstandings and slapstick violence.

However, by the time we actually reached the bridge, Gippal hadn't forgiven me enough to distract the others from my… situation, so I settled on glaring at him with as much fury, disdain and condescension as I could muster, which was actually quite a damn lot, because I sounded pretty gosh darned stupid. Brother, Buddy, Yuna, Paine, and even Shinra turned to me expectantly, so of course I continued to stay facing Gippal, shooting him a look that promised torture involving reproductive organs and mallets. Gippal was a harder man than I'd envisioned, so he just blinked innocently and pretended not to notice.

"Er… Rikku, you in there?" Yuna asked worriedly, which made me feel even worse, I mean, did I need guilt on top of a migraine, a potentially broken foot and jaw? Obviously I did, because she continued to stare at me with her freakishly large, dewy cow eyes. "Rikku, are you alright? We need to hear your opinion on where we should take the sphere…" She said slowly, clenching her fists subtly, no doubt to give Gippal a good clobbering. Good! He deserved a concussion for his wicked ways, and Yunie was obviously itching to give him one, problem solved!

"Yeah Cid's Girl, you were all talkative like in the elevator a second ago, has speech finally deserted you, cos I never thought I'd see the day!" Gippal joked, poking me in the side, eliciting a squeak much akin to a hamster being squeezed a wee bit too hard. Gippal, thoroughly delighted by his discovery, did it again, to which I returned the favour by delivering a repeat performance of shrieking in a rodent-like manner. I've been horribly ticklish since birth, and I'm worse when it comes to the soles of my feet and the sides of my stomach. Then again, the million Gil target zone is my spine, but the last person who tried that… well, let's just say no one's ever tried it again. Everyone continued to look to me for enlightenment, so I quickly mulled it over in my mind. I'd definitely get away with it, if I omitted words with the letters: s, r and l, unless I managed to establish that I was talking in a cutesy, totally immature way… which would have to do... This was gonna be more difficult than anticipated.


	7. Chapter Seven: Decisions Made, Insults H...

A/N: Before I start my regular babbling, I want to give a massive thanks to **-Ria- **who gave up precious time to BETA this for me, even though she still refuses to admit that she even did all that much. (Ooh, and I hope you enjoy your week away somewhere, and I promise not to bother you again on the BETA front, I've decided that if you're that sure of my abilities, I shouldn't be lazy and make you check over my stuff for me). Thanks again for this though, it meant a lot!

Now, for the rest of you, I'm SO sorry I've been bad and not updated for such a long time... school is hard... and I have exams that determine my future, and I do so want to go to uni, as opposed to living on the streets in a cardboard box... lol... And I STILL do not own FFX-2! You'd have thought Square-Enix would've handed it over or put a restraining order on me by now, but NOOOOOOOO...

**-Jezzi-** As they say, laughter is the music of the soul, which is totally irrelevant to anything else I can think to say... So... thanks for laughing? -slaps forehead- That sounded so lame... Never mind, thanks again for reviewing, hope you enjoy the chappy!

**-FlyHigh4Life-** Funny in many different ways? I can only think of two... Funny ha ha and funny weird... -giggles- Heck, it's a compliment, so I'll add it to my slowly growing horde and treasure it always, thank you! And I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

**-Cutekitty-** Awww... thanks for sayin' that... shucks... lol... Sorry I took so long updating, but I hopethis isworth the wait!

**-K-Jaye-** -eyes up the cookies hungrily- Oooooh, lol. Thanks for finding this funny, I mean, I can't tell if what I write is funny, cos if I did I'd probably be conceited of something... Or maybe... nope, the word is gone, and I can only think of 'zombie' to replace it, which so badly doesn't work... Never mind, enjoy!

**-Ria-** I wanted to encompass as much as I could, mix and matching genres to end up with something that just about pulled it off whilst still being vaguely credible. Or maybe it's just cos I like fluff, action and comedy... Scratch that, the first one sounded so much more profound... Well, seeing as you BETA-ed this, I can't really ask you to enjoy it AGAIN, so, I hope you liked it the first time, or something... -sighs- I wish I was better at this...

**-Star99-** Awwww... -huggles- Get well soon, 'kay? Not just for the sake of fiction, but for well, you, cos being sick is very un-fun. Thanks for reading this anyway, and especially for likin' it. The bit with the lisping I just had to add, because it sounded so funny in my head. It was actually kinda ironic, cos I found out I was allergic to pineapple in NYCand my tongue swelled up like no one's business and that's where I got the idea from; which kinda makes me think that I'm making Rikku just as unfortunate as I am, which is a real shame for her... lol... Well, enjoy!

**-sugarNspikes-** Thanks for reviewin' again, and so quickly! I know I'm lewd, crude and really pushing the boundary of kiddie friendly, but you cannot censor greatness! Or badness! And yeah, I do like the taste of blood, I just can't imagine that people don't, so I tend to push my views onto other people, and this time it just happened to be a character. Even though biting your tongue really well... forgive the pun in advance, but, it bites, don't it? They should have some CIA unit devoted to cutting down tongue-biting related accidents, like they do with homeless people and prostitutes!

"..." Speech  
'...' Quotes, emphasis  
-_italics_- Thought

Chapter Seven: Decisions Made, Insults Hurled, Kisses Shared and Cookies Tossed

"Hi!" I stated feebly, wondering how the hell I was gonna pull this off. I mean, come on, think of the massacre if I announced: Muthwoom Wock Woad! "I think we will go to Bevelle!" I chirped very carefully, enunciating away even the possibility of lisping. Paine, still probably from gratitude, or the chance to see her boyfriend, didn't question me on the matter, thank Yevon. Gippal, whom I have cursed black and blue and with so many warts he'll be a big, walking, talking… wart, decided to question my decision for her.

"New Yevon? Cid's Girl, come on, how can you trust them? I mean, Yevon's in the name for pity's sake. Aren't you an Al Bhed?" He asked, eye sparkling with barely concealed mirth. Damn him for enjoying this…

"But, New Yevon had the info to begin with, Nooj don't know nowt!" I explained, exhaling loudly when I managed to hold onto my battered pride by the skin of my teeth. Thank you Kilikan colloquialisms!

"Don't you think he should know? I mean, Bevelle's hiding a big secret again." Gippal said in a chastising manner, and I resisted the violent urge to rip his throat out with my teeth.

"I don't want a fight between Yevon and the Youth League." I said simply, mentally patting myself on the back for this sustained period of absolute genius. Shinra, eat your heart out!

"Won't they fight anyway?" He asked, infuriatingly persistent bastard that he is. The rest seemed to be as intrigued by my enigmatic half-answers as Gippal, so I wasn't going to get any favours on that front.

"Duh, but not now, we have time to do what we do." I said as if he was an exceptionally dim bulb in a class of pre-schoolers.

"And what's that?" He asked smugly, knowing full well that I couldn't answer with anything that didn't have the stupid mother grumbles letter S in it!

"Save the world, of course! Right Rikku?" Yunie chirped pleasantly, much to my eternal gratitude.

"Yup!" I answered, before giggling nervously.

"Ok then, it's decided, Bevelle, here we come!" Buddy quipped before leaping into the navigator's chair. The little group started to disperse and I sighed with relief. Excusing myself with as little noise as possible I fairly ran all the way to the engine room, hoping I'd be able to hide out there until I could speak like a normal person again.

To my surprise, I was met with a small round of applause.

"What do you want, Gippal? You could've helped me out a bit in there!" I stated venomously. "What do you want, Thwipple? You coulda helped me out a bit in dere!"

"Oh, but Cid's Girl, that was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Very well done though, you handled that like a true master." He said amicably, as if he wanted to just gloss over deliberately attempting to publicly humiliate me.

"Bastard…" I muttered under my breath. "Bathtard…" "If you don't need me anymore, I'm going back to my room to read my book, and hopefully I'll be able to finish this conversation when we get to Bevelle." I said icily, before hauling myself upright and dusting off invisible pieces of lint from my soggy outfit. "If you don't need me anymorwe, I'm going back to my woom to wead my book, and hopefuwwy I'wll be ablew to finith thith converwthathion when we get to Bevellwe." As soon as I was half way across the room Gippal grabbed me firmly by one arm.

"Whatcha reading?" He asked obnoxiously, as if daring me to answer with anything other than the scintillating Adventures of Spot the Dog.

"The Fledgling's Guide to Necromancy and Primitive Flesh Forming." I said haughtily, an effect that was rather ruined by the truly heinous lisp. "The Fwedgwing's Guide to Necwomanthy and Pwimitive Fweth Forwming." HA! That wiped the smirk off your cocky face! I proceeded to laugh triumphantly in my head until I was back in my section of the bedroom, where I pulled out Undead and Unemployed.

Ok, I'd told an eensy weensy lie, but I HAD actually read that book! It just, sounded kinda more impressive than a tale of boinking in swimming pools with parasitic blood sucking fiends and being bribed to rule over the others in the species with designer shoes! Ah… designer shoes… The only good things to come from going to charity balls… I'm shallow, so what? Good, that shut you up…

Anyways, my major weakness, apart from stupid Gippal and maybe also Yuna's stupidly freaking huge eyes, is shoes. Honest to Ifrit I think I have such a frighteningly huge capacity for shoe trivia that no one else on the planet can compare. Then again, half of the planet is unfortunately male, so my achievements are rather less impressive. I don't mean that in a harsh way, but come on! If I asked Gippal to describe what I had on my feet, he'd probably say: Uh… they're kinda… white, maybe? Or at least something to that infinitely damning effect… I giggled at the notion of Gippal accusing me of wearing ankle boots that were 'so last season', until it began to worry me. The image had become so vivid in my twisted mind that Gippal was now clad in a burgundy suit made from crushed velvet, thankfully hiding the most of the ruffled shirt that was temporarily blinding me with its dazzling whiteness. To top it all off he was also wearing what looked to be hosiery and high heeled pumps… and a powdered wig. Yevon above that is one creepy mental picture.

"I take it you've gotten to the latest sex scene via a brutal staking with the aid of antique furniture?" A voice asked from seemingly nowhere. Consequently, I jumped about three feet in the air, but it at least erased the look of utter distaste from my features. Struggling to calm the erratic pulses of my straining heart, I answered with no previous line of thought.

"Seeing as I've saved your sorry self many times during the course of this so not glorious day, I thought you would have realised that I'm not really squeamish. Oh, and as I've said before Gippal, I'm not as naïve as you think I am, cos I'm pretty darned sure that I've gone through sex ed. by the age of seventeen. Not to mention that there's been a major confrontation between Surfer Dude of the World Barriers and a dish-washing dishy vampire over the Queen of the Damned working at The Mall since then, but then again, she just got fired…" I stated blithely, before returning to my book. This was when it struck me. Gippal already knew that I was reading a sappy erotic comedy and therefore had enough blackmail material to last him until the end of time, which was a weird kind of incentive to just leave Bevelle to its own machinations… "Think before you speak, Rikku!" I hissed to myself, before concluding that I should also add; 'Develop an interior monologue, Rikku!' and be done with it. Gippal snorted with poorly concealed amusement.

"I guess the only logical conclusion to this would be: necromancy my ass, Cid's Girl." He quipped smoothly, before delivering the finishing blow of a knee crippling, inside liquefying smirk. "Nice to see you've lost the lisp, even though I was getting quite the kick out of it." He added, almost as an afterthought, the bastard.

_-Wait a second, I DIDN'T sound like Igor?-_

"Sad, sorry, soliloquy, sentimental, solitary, slinky, svelte… WOO HOO, I can say the letter 's' again!" I shrieked excitedly, before leaping from the bed so fast I blurred. "Ooh, Anima, I'm so happy I could kiss you Gippal!" I cried shrilly, before beginning my humiliating routine of flailing for joy.

"Then don't let me stop you from doing so." He replied in the smarmiest tone he could muster. I rolled my eyes whilst chuckling low in my throat as Gippal screwed his eyes shut and puckered up.

"Gippal, you look like someone just shoved a lemon down your throat, which has unfortunately killed the mood past the miracle of resuscitation." I stated with a fake pout, pretending to be distraught at the notion of something detracting from smoochy time. Not that I didn't enjoy kissing Gippal, much to the contrary, I just didn't trust myself, let alone him, so close to a bed; and if he got me to that bed, neither of us would be sleeping in it, if you catch my drift. This would not be much of a challenge unless I'm talking to one of those people that need enlightenment in the form of a big old neon sign being paraded around by a guy in a lobster costume. If you are one of those people, tough luck, I'm still in denial and will not utter the fact that I was considering allowing Gippal to shag me into the mattress so hard the springs broke. I paled instantly, screwing my eyes shut as I let loose a supersonic wail in my head. "Now look what you've done, you stupid inner voice resultant from some sort of schizophrenia!" I bellowed in utter anguish. Gippal had the good grace to just stare at me in unabashed horror, thank Shiva, so I performed the time old ritual of giggling nervously before fleeing as fast as my stumpy little legs could take me. I nearly got to the door too! However, Gippal caught my shoulder in his vice-like grip and I was pirouetted around into his hard, warm chest before I could fall to the ground from the sudden change in inertia.

"Sometimes I forget you're your father's daughter…" He muttered, whilst shaking his head and chuckling. I flushed an interesting shade of vermillion, which didn't help matters any. It didn't stop me from being snarky though, no sirree Bob! What does that even mean?

"Why Gippykins? Hoping insanity skipped a filial generation?" I simpered, before frowning at how my neck had begun to ache from craning it up so high, just so I could look at the infuriatingly tall man.

"More like hoping that Brother had inherited your share as well as his own." He answered with a grin, "but call me Gippykins again and I will not hesitate to do something drastic." He said, oh-so-threateningly. I pretended to mull it over for a second.

"Pwease don't hurt me Mr. Gippykins!" I cried in the most babyish tone I could adopt on such short notice, before gasping in mock horror. "Oh no! I'm so sowwy Mister… I… I… I didn't mean to…" I wailed, lower lip quivering as I threatened to turn on the waterworks. Gippal however, didn't seem to be playing along, the look in his eye was dangerous and feral, and while I was proud of the fact that I was too stupid to be scared, I was cautious of what could happen next. I turned the cutesy face up a notch, cocking my hip and staring up at him through my lashes.

"That lip of yours is just asking for trouble. So cute and defenceless, it's just asking to be taken hostage." He narrated huskily, eye never straying from my mouth as my tongue darted out to wet my suddenly dry lips. My breath caught in my throat as he decided to come up close and personal, invading my space as his breath fanned out against the side of my face. "Sweet little things like yourself shouldn't try to tempt the big bad wolf, you never know what might, happen." He whispered into my ear, hot breath tickling as it played havoc with my skin, only to be inflamed further by the tongue that was now making its leisurely way around the outer shell. I would have dwelt on the irony of a blaze starting under my flesh in direct result of it being laved so thoroughly, but I didn't really give a damn about irony, or the fact that it really wouldn't have been that pleasant for him to feel me up through my still sodden outfit.

Yeah, I was a heartless bitch alright, but his lips were on mine so he really didn't care either, so yay for me. Growling against my mouth he released my bottom lip, which had well and truly been given what it had been promised, to glance at his lack of progress with my hair ribbon, after he had tossed my bandanna indiscriminately away, meaning I'd never see the thing again. The man had always had a bizarre obsession with my hair, never relinquishing an opportunity to play with it, even when we were children he would always be fiddling with one of my braids or hair ornaments, probably because he could never sit still and was never brave enough to grow his own blond locks out; but then again, if he had quirks I was a raving psychopath.

All reverie and whimsy was duly expelled from my head when I looked into my Gippal's eye to see the self-satisfied smirk before my vision was obscured by a curtain of hair. Even though I noticed, I simply glossed over the fact that I'd called him 'mine'; after all, we were engaged… Seconds later his hands roved through the matted strands, parting my stubborn fringe before capturing my lips with his own. My eyes fluttered shut dreamily as I collapsed into his embrace. As if sharing my sentiments he groaned with need, allowing my tongue to slip into his opened mouth and dance languidly with his own. As was the trend, this didn't last, as all pretence of gentility and innocence was pushed out of the way by liquid fire and passion. The pit of my stomach began to make my desire known through all of the pores in my body, so I pressed closer to him, pushing forward and arching back, thrusting my breasts up and out to scrape my hardening nipples against his chest. The hand in the small of my back responded by a hard digit rippling up the notches of my spine, causing me to arch back harder and relinquish power as my senses overloaded.

He took advantage of my utter incoherence by allowing me a much needed breath before launching an attack on my neck. Altering between butterfly kisses, long sweeps of that damned talented tongue and a nip to my pulse points before kissing his way up my jaw and latching onto my other earlobe, tracing the shell and blowing softly against the cooling skin. All I could do was hold on as tight as possible. Arms wrapped tightly around his neck and legs locked around his hips, head lolling to the side, eyes closed in ecstasy. He broke off to look at me and my eyes flickered open to the heat of his intense gaze. I smiled dazedly and he chuckled. A badly coordinated kiss landed on his nose and I leaned my forehead against his. "So, just how is the necromancy going?" He panted conversationally, making me mock scowl.

"I have actually read the book, you know…" I muttered in exasperation, trying to cling to fragments of lucidity in my thoroughly shaken psyche.

"So, how do you raise the dead?" He asked melodramatically, all equipped with spooky hand gestures. I had to laugh at his antics; the man was just as crazed as I was.

"Theoretically, you need to find a place where the divide between the planes is at its finest, or otherwise it's infinitely more dangerous to cross the threshold into death. For instance, Guadosalam is a favourite for rookies because it houses the entrance to the Farplane. I'm going to skim over the basics cos your eye is already totally glazing over, ok? It's your own fault anyway for asking… When you die, your soul emerges from the body in the form of pyreflies, right? Unless Sent, the soul is still bound to the cadaver, which leads to regret, bitterness, and anger. After a short period, shorter for the young, as they are often more confused and frightened, these negative emotions mutate the corpse into what is known as a Fiend, which prey on the living to exact their revenge upon them. However, if a Necromancer interferes, the Unsent are born. They may possess a total lack of mental faculty, such as the zombie monks you sometimes see springing up from nowhere, due to using whatever pyreflies are on hand to inhabit a similarly available corpse. These are used as mindless drones; their purpose is simply whatever task they are given. However, if a whole, powerful soul is returned to a body, they become the Greater Dead. These Unsent beings have extreme unearthly powers, given to them by the Necromancer that summoned them. The old Maesters were such an example, Mika and the others must have had a Necromancer on hand at the moment of their expiries." I reeled off, getting rather fond of my subject as I went on. "So, in principal, if you want to raise the dead, you use black magic to force pyreflies into corpses, if you want it in layman's terms." I concluded with a bright smile. Gippal didn't seem to be blinking anymore, and I wondered if he'd developed the rare talent to sleep with his eye open. Then again, he had promised that he would learn to do so earlier, seeing as he was afraid I'd knife him and do a runner… as if!

"Your capacity for random trivia is truly harrowing." He announced to the empty room, well, empty with the exception of yours truly, but he wasn't even talking in my general direction, which was kinda rude… especially seeing as I was practically draped all over him like some possessive blanket-creature.

"Was that rhetorical or can I put in my two Gil's worth?" I asked snippily. I'd never been one for silence when conversation was a possible alternative, and thank Ifrit that Gippal was the same or he probably would have strangled me by now. He cracked a small smirk at my inability to shut up for even the briefest period of time and shook his head.

"I was just thinking aloud…" He admitted casually. "So, where did you even find that book?" He pondered, and I wondered if that was even a cue for me to tell him. Of course I dredged on, because if he was gonna talk at me I could easily return the favour, even if he wasn't listening. It still made for a more sane interchange than pulling off one of my socks and having a conversation with it. Not saying I've ever done that… especially not when Paine was ignoring me so I made Dave perverted and start hitting on her. I giggled nervously, as if it would disprove the fact and drag me up and out of the hole I'd just dug for myself. I didn't give Gippal time to ask about the state of my mental health and tried to answer nonchalantly.

"Stole it from Bevelle…" I said, with some small semblance of pride, seeing as it was a really big book and I was an enemy of the state! Gippal's eye went huge; I'm talking size of a dinner plate huge too!

"Please tell me you're joking…" He pleaded rather pathetically, and I wondered if what I'd done was necessarily a very bad thing…

"Heck Gippal, I think it's rather safer in my hands than Yevon's! I mean, do you want to go up against zombie politicians again? Cos they're really creepy and enjoy committing wanton acts of destruction and evil! I'd just not have to worry about feeding my goldfish!" I chirped. "That would be so cool! I could have an army of undead goldfish warriors; they could serve my every whim, as long as it involved water!" I cheered, entertaining the idea with a psychotic grin. "Or I could get mice and hamsters and make a circus!"

"If I had to entertain the notion of which of you would be more lethal given the chance, I'd probably have to seek professional help to rid me of such emotional trauma." Gippal responded calmly, not quite daring to look me in the eye, as if such an action would cause me to react in an ill-favoured manner and make me set my undead minions on him. I'm not sure if I disappointed him by taking the rather tame, well-worn path of rolling my eyes sardonically, but I was too peeved to really care.

"Fine, psychiatrist Rikku, at your service!" I chirped; saccharine smile plastered to my face like someone had grouted it on. It was Gippal's turn to sigh melodramatically, playing with his earlobe as he did so.

"Cid's Girl, I think you've misinterpreted the scientific terminology, you're not a psychiatrist, you're just psychotic." He said as sympathetically as he was able to, which pretty much meant he was mocking me with a slightly less obvious smirk. I merely scowled harder, wondering why the hell Gippal was just as schizophrenic as I was. One minute I'd be at his throat in a reaaaaaally good way, the next I'd be in much the same position, with an offensive weapon of some kind… "That's it; I'm pouring all the peroxide down the storm drain, it's soaking into your brain and taking over." Gippal announced, cutting my reverie off suddenly. For a few, painful moments, I just stared at him quizzically, before my eyes narrowed to irate slits.

"Are you insinuating that I dye my hair?" I asked slowly, voice like steel on velvet. Gippal held his ground; he'd always had a spine as well as an overbearing ego, which made it hard to look imposing at such a vantage point.

"Yeah, I think you'd be vain enough to hide the greys, even though it seems you've been a wee bit lax today." He drawled, examining a strand of hair that flashed in the dying sunlight.

_–What? I was going grey already? Heavens to Betsy NOOOOOOO!-_

My anguish was, for once, not vocal, thankfully, but Gippal seemed amused anyway by the look of unabashed horror on my face. "Hey, I think you should leave it, I mean, heck, Paine can pull it off, why can't you?" He asked amicably, making me wail to myself quietly.

"Because I'm not a freaking albino!" I screeched, running my hands through my loose, tangled hair, trying to identify the physical signs that showed the end of my youth and the onset of senility. I stopped dead, however, when Gippal started to snicker like some troublemaking brat. "You're messing with my head again, aren't you?" I asked, feeling redundant as well as thick as two short pieces of driftwood. As opposed to replying and then proceeding to beg for my forgiveness, Gippal continued to snicker like the stupidly tall mutant child he was; so deciding upon a quick course of action, I heaved myself upright, putting my entire bodyweight on one of Gippal's legs for leverage and delighting at how he winced, before flouncing off, or beating a hasty retreat, to spend my time more profitably on the bridge, where I could scheme away and actually think up some decent comebacks.

Gippal, for once, seemed inclined to let me have my moment of solitude, even though as soon as the elevator doors shut fast on my pathetically waving self, I became distinctly aware of this little, Gippal shaped hole in my psyche which hadn't been there half as noticeably before. It was safe to say that this niggled at me as I sat in the gunner's chair, in fact, it'd also be fair to say that it damn well irked me. I'd spent the best part of the afternoon with the man and now was practically unable to function without devolving into some twisted version of a little prehistoric housewife that busied herself until she could rejoin the coefficient that was her and her better half. Somehow, all of this was his fault, I don't know how, and I'm definitely not gonna waste my precious time hypothesising, so I'm gonna stick with the tried and true option of: He paid a wizard to do it.

After I'd suitably found and stapled the blame to the suitable offender, I viscerally tore my thoughts from stupid Gippal and his equally stupid wizard, and moved them along briskly to Bevelle, threatening to taser the stragglers who were looking back to my irritating fiancé with hero worship in their eyes. If my thoughts had eyes, which I severely doubt… Leave me alone, it was a metaphor!

Anyways, we were going to Bevelle, which means that I was 'accidentally' going to stumble upon the Yevonite formerly known as Baralai. Of course, Gippal would help me out by pointing at him with as much subtlety as I could force him to use, and then all would be merry. After a brief interchange involving me blackmailing him in order to unearth the Ballad of Paine from the dusty recesses of the priest's inebriated subconscious, of course. Then we'd just give the sphere to whatever member of authority available and then return to the ship to dispose of Gippal on a sand dune in the middle of nowhere and then cure Yunie's sudden case of anaemia!

Wait a second, scroll back a bit… Anaemia?

Yeesh, she was never as bronzed as I was, and I doubted that she ever would be

_-which is one positive factor of the desert childhood, let me tell you-_

but now she was ashen, I'm talking Paine pallid! Ooh, alliteration, I'm so nifty! Er… never mind.

I leapt from my chair like I'd been given the mother of all electric shocks,

_-which I'd actually received many years earlier, and I can still tell you how it feels, but, maybe later, cos I; the great Rikku, have a mission to complete!-_

and bounded over to the Lady Yuna, who was gazing out of the window with a rather familiar expression of melancholy, terror and a pinch of 'woe-is-me' which seemed to be parasitically absorbing the colour from her pretty features.

"Yunie! What's wrong, are you alright, how many fingers am I holding up, don't go towards the light!" I bellowed, superhumanly fast. It took my dear, white as a sheet cousin a few painful seconds to unravel my convoluted garbling, but realisation finally dawned, and it was just as precious as the sun poking out from under the horizon to signify the start of the new day. Well, sort of, maybe I'm being a wee bit hyperbolic, but I'm still not used to talking like a normal person yet, (A/N: as opposed to Elmo, -giggles-) so comprehension of what I'm saying is still in the opening stages of novelty.

"I'm fine Rikku, and you're not holding up any fingers, because your hands are pressing quite hard into my shoulders; in fact, you're hurting me…" She mumbled distantly. I laughed sheepishly and pried my hands from my unofficial commander in chief.

"Sorry about that, but you just look, kinda, sick…" I offered lamely. Seemingly realising that someone had caught her brooding, her visage instantly transformed into the well-worn mask I'd already had my fill of during her pilgrimage, and it was all I could do not to sigh dramatically and then threaten to throw her overboard. What? I know we were family, and I do love the girl dearly, but if she thinks she needs to lie to me, she's got another thing coming, probably involving violence! Contrary to popular belief, it does solve a lot of problems; which is probably the only useful thing I've learned from Paine in all of our months of travelling together… which is really sad, if you take the time to think about it… "If you're worried about the whole digging thing, don't worry, it'll be totally cool! They don't let newbies stay out in the sun very long anyway, even though I'm sure Paine will probably suffer, cos her skin's probably afraid of natural light; I'm saying probably way too much, so I'll just stop now…" I babbled, wondering if I might just be able to catch her out again. It wasn't the most subtle technique, but I was an alumnus of the school of blunt questioning to probe for tender nerves and then go on hammering away regardless; and it's never failed me yet!

Apart from that time when Clasko burst into tears… which was SO not my fault! I mean, come on, I was wondering what was going on with him, Elma and Lucil,

_-and you can't blame me, it was like some, evil love triangle that everyone but them was aware of! -_

until he suddenly started to wail like I'd shut his hand in a door because no one loved him! If I hadn't thought on my feet the world would be totally submerged, it was that bad! So, I just mumbled something about me and the Chocobos loving him, so he was happy, even though he was more pleased about the big yellow abominations of nature liking him than me, which was rather a knock to my self-confidence. Honestly, I was in no way romantically interested in CLASKO of all people, but come on, he chose Big Bird over a Princess? What is wrong with that man?

"I'm not worried about digging, Rikku, I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun…" Yuna mumbled with as much feigned joy as she was able to muster, which really wasn't all that much. I immediately did a double-take, wondering what question of mine she'd just answered, until revelation reared its glorious, metaphysical head and all was well with the world. Apart from the fact that my cousin was silently having a nervous breakdown and the fact that not even Clasko found me attractive, but hey, one out of three ain't bad!

–_Must, resist urge, to burst into, tears…_-

"Hey, you two, I'm setting her down, so I want to see big smiles and no maiming of religious officials!" Buddy called to us from his seat, still frantically and seemingly randomly stabbing at the controls in front of him. Heck, I could work a machina with the best of them, just so long as you didn't ask me to navigate, seeing as my map-reading skills were second only to Yuna's. The airship started to emit disturbing noises that had always slightly freaked me out, even though every time I heard a screech or a clang I systematically addressed the noise to the part it had come from. Metal started to squeal from seemingly all sides and I took a deep breath.

–_Don't worry Rikku, just the thrusters rotating to slow our descent, at least Brother's remembered that we need them to land this time; seeing as at the Moonflow he made you jump from a considerable height instead-_

I told myself with calm that I wasn't feeling. Then again, Brother wasn't the kind of person that inspired total; or really ANY confidence in his supposed 'subordinates'… "Ok people; the landing ramp is down, move out!" Buddy concluded, turning round momentarily to make an ushering motion with his hands, before returning to frolicking with his flashing buttons. I let out the breath I was holding and plastered on an uneasy grin, my stomach telling my brain that next time we should probably walk.

"Bevelle, here we come!" I said weakly, just as Yuna tossed her cookies over my shoes.


	8. Chapter Eight: Like the Ticking of a Clo...

A/N: Hello peoples! I have returned! -waits for applause... sighs- Fine, be like that... Anyways, the reason for the delay and the possibly sucky chapter, REVIEW and tell me, lol, is cos I'm sick. As I've told my mates many times this week, I've consequently also squicked them out badly: It feels like a little critter with claws like rusty nails has burrowed into my head through the base of my skull, to tear through my jaw and crawl into the soft tissue of my palate, to finally make its nest in my brain. It's unpleasant, I know, but I'm suffering so the rest of you should be too... lol, I'm kinda dizzy now, so I'll keep this short... Ooh, wait, I forgot, I'm actually using script from the game in this chappy, cos I thought lowering the tone by ruining the original plot wasn't enough! Hahahahahaha! -coughs-

**DISCLAIMER:** I, Sophie, or whatever my pen-name at the moment is, do not own Final Fantasy X-2, or Undead and Unemployed, which Rikku was reading last chapter, I just kinda forgot to mention it, lol. I don't own 8-BT either, but I've mentioned it wherever it crops up in here, so NO SUING! Ya hear me?

**-fallenAngel-** Thanks for reviewing! Yay for reviewing! -dances- Ok, you can obviously see Rikku hasn't got her newfound sensibility from me, but I just thought that her being there as the scantily-clad stupid one was selling her a bit short, and I wouldn't be able to do much with the plot with such a 1D character, lol.

**-Jezzi-** Ya really think it's cute? Yay! I always thought I was too deranged to do cute, but thank you, you have shown me a new side of myself... or... something... Yeah... that's it... Enjoy?

**-FlyHigh4Life-** Awww, thanks for likin' the update, I am very smug, hee hee. I'll try to keep up the good work, but as I've announced earlier: Sophie sick possibly crappy chapter, I was too headachey to be arsed to read through it.

**-Rikku SWiRLS-** Yay! You still like me! -dances- And I'm still alive! lol... I made a voodoo doll once, we were making these little string dolliesin primary school for Sports Day, and I'd been playing too much Monkey Island. I decided to make my nemesis go into some sort of pain-induced seizure while she was running, so a select group of myself and my ninja friends managed to collect the neccessary ingredients: Something of the head, something of the thread, something of the body and something of the dead. Cos she had frizzy hair, she moulted like, all the time, so that was easy. For numero dos, we stole some bobbles off her cardigan. For the body, which would've been unpleasant any other way, the person who shared a desk with her managed to obtain a broken fingernail, how, to this day I will never know. And finally, cos we were only like, ten, we used lamb bones, cos digging up thecorpse of one of her ancestors was creepy... and illegal, and my Mum would've asked why she had to take us to the cemetary, lol. We ended up making the doll, but then we all felt kinda stupid cos none of us had a pin on the day, so I ended up squishing it with my fist, but alas, she remains alive... to the best of my knowledge, lol... Oops... I babbled again... heh-heh?

**Chapter Eight: Like the Ticking of a Clock, the Misunderstandings Never End**

Turning up at the front door to the Holy City when you were Al Bhed had already been established by my kind as a rather gargantuan no no long before I had been born, but, the baldies in dresses were beginning to loosen up a wee bit, so I should've been put at some kind of uneasy standby mode as I was shown inside. However, as circumstances were, as always, against me, it would be safer to say that they would have been happier to see me if I had shown up in anything other than my current attire.

My hair was loose and matted, and with the amount of plant life in it, most people wouldn't be too wrong if they thought I'd come through a bush backwards. My outfit was still damp and clingy, and the colours were beginning to run together in the most unpleasant way, oh wait, the most unpleasant thing was the stench of river water. You kinda wished that people would have the decency to allocate some nice people to send some pool-boys with nets to filter out the nastiness, but alas, no, there weren't any, so Yevon knew what was in that water, apart from random pieces of litter, corpses and Shoopuff dung. Carrying on with the examination, we will come to rest on my beautiful, precious shoes. Shoes now absolutely unsalvageable due to the fact that I was trailing a foul concoction of stomach acid, fluorescent green bile and what appeared to be carrots, -even though we hadn't eaten any in a damn long time, not being able to afford vegetables and other forms of vitamins- as had been made quite visible by the path of sticky footsteps I had created on my short sojourn from the Celsius.

However, no one really seemed to be in a competent state to comfort me, seeing as Yuna was too busy trying not to projectile vomit in my direction again and Brother was trying to console her from as far away as possible. Buddy and Shinra were standing at the sidelines, watching the events unfold in poorly masked pity and no small amount of embarrassment. Paine was, surprisingly, subconsciously preening in the corner of my peripheral vision, running her hands through her hair every so often so the forelock would stay in place and obscure her ruby eyes, even if it couldn't conceal the light infusion of pale pink in her cheeks. I was even more stunned to see that the otherwise stoic Paine was shifting her weight from side to side, massaging her wrists anxiously when she wasn't playing with her hair. I never thought I'd see the day when that girl fidgeted, but it was rather amusing.

However, obviously not as amusing as the sight I myself seemed to be providing, if Gippal's reaction was anything to go by. He'd had the common sense to put some clothes on, although, as seems to be a damned annoying trend, the low neckline of his shirt was unfortunately unable to hide the monster hickey gracing the column of his throat. As if this wasn't enough, he kept playing with one of his earrings, which of course, would attract the eye to land smack bang on his neck, population: giant love bite! Further perusal showed that he'd also obviously been in Paine's room to raid some gel from her, given the now immaculate state of his hair, which was another disappointment, cos he was really cute with his messy, mussed up fringe of sorts.

_-I wonder if he'd let me grow his hair out longer? It would be so much fun to play with! -_

Gippal had noticed me pouting however, and had easily made the connotation with the cataclysmic notion that I was scheming. Hence, he had backed away slightly, using Paine as a human shield as she was too distracted to pummel him. After a few moments of eerie silence, he concluded that nothing was going to explode, so he peered around Paine's shoulder, to begin snickering at the state I was in again. I decided to stop entertaining the thought of Gippal with shaggy long-ish hair, seeing as if the Praetor or whoever came to greet us and none of us even noticed he was there, we'd probably not make too great a first impression on the man… or woman, go equal rights and employment opportunities!

However, when the ridiculously large double doors opened outwards; seeing as the priests had forbade me entrance for the sake of the ancient mosaic flooring; which of course had Gippal in stitches again, we were brought face to face with a male religious figurehead, which led me down a dark, sordid path in my brain.

For one, if this guy wasn't clad in formless, lime green robes, he could pretty easily have been one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. Chocolate skin, hair like gun metal in the moonlight and topaz eyes, this Yevonite was definitely the personification of all that was aesthetically pleasing in this world, all culminated in the form of this dark angel that stood before me. Of course, my mouth couldn't form the words to make that otherwise eloquent declaration, so Gippal reminds me constantly; and none too happily, I might add, that when he went to shake my hand I almost tripped over my tongue.

Speaking of Gippal, he was looking to the man with warmth and familiarity in his eye, which was pretty much extinguished when he saw me drooling quietly beside him. In fact, I was damn sure I heard a fairly audible click as he turned off the charm in favour of glaring a mighty glare, and the ferocity seemed to be palpably rolling off him in waves. I had the sense to turn around when I felt Paine glaring at me just as hard as Gippal was glaring at the Yevonite and the final piece of the puzzle slipped into place. However, before I could deliver the denouement with all of the dramatic flair I possessed, Yuna grabbed my arm and wrenched me aside. I looked into her odd eyes, which I noticed were luminous with panic and unshed tears.

"We should leave." She murmured, eyes darting around like a hunted animal. Her hand hadn't left my arm and I was beginning to lose feeling in the abused limb.

"Er, what's the matter Yunie?" I whispered back, realising that leaving Gippal glaring at Baralai and Paine in monotonous catatonia wasn't gonna make us look all that capable or organised. Oh wait, Brother was flapping at the man; that was sure to save face…

"Well, you see, there was this arrangement… with the son of the chairman of New Yevon, the Praetor. I turned the offer down, but I thought it'd be kind of awkward." She hissed, becoming more mortified with each passing second. My eyes widened momentarily, before my brows furrowed as I thought.

"You don't mean an arrangement like MY arrangement, do you?" I shrieked; a wee bit too loudly. Yunie seemed to have noticed this too.

"Rikku! Be quiet!" She hissed, clapping a hand over my mouth as my mind continued to reel. Yuna was marrying Paine's boyfriend to be?

_-Why is my life like a Yevon damned soap-opera?-_

However, before I could start shooting my mouth off some more, the Praetor's mouth curved into a small smile.

"Ah. As it happens, the chairman has recently resigned. As did his son, the Praetor. They were trying to take too much power. We had to ask them to leave. Now the younger members run the party - by mutual consensus, of course." He stated, his voice always collected, polite, with just a hint of amusement. Paine's head shot up and her gaze fell hard on my poor cousin, I'm talking like a ton of bricks hard, too. Gippal and I snorted in unison at the 'mutual consensus' bit, then looked sheepishly to each other. "So you see, Lady Yuna… It is not I that was meant to marry the High Summoner." He concluded, tearing his eyes away from Yuna to shift his gaze to Paine. The tranquil Praetor seemed to transform before my very eyes into a love-struck teenager and it was all I could do not to coo at him. Gippal of course took this the wrong way and started to glare at the poor boy again, while Paine blushed furiously and turned her back on us.

The awkward moment continued to drag on though, until I sighed and grabbed the sphere from my slack-jawed brother's hands. This seemed to jerk the Praetor to his senses and he smiled peacefully again. The weird thing was, it was a highly adorable smile, and it made his unusual eyes brighter and even more intense, but my heart wasn't doing gymnastics about my ribcage, my palms weren't any damper than they had been previously, and I didn't feel like I was going to swoon any time soon. I turned to the angrily muttering Gippal and touched my gloved hand to his arm. He quieted instantly and turned to me, confusion, annoyance and a half-smile warring for dominance on his face. I smiled warmly and linked my arms in his.

"I'd expect this kinda happy reunion attitude from Paine, but the least you can do is say hi to your buddy." I whispered into his ear, tugging at the earlobe he'd been worrying at with my teeth. Gippal seemed to become slightly more coherent, and at least a hell of a lot less territorial, and held out his hand with a congenial smile.

"Nice to see you 'Lai, it's been a while." He announced graciously, and I saw the Praetor let out a breath I hadn't known he was holding. I guess Gippal was a lot scarier than I thought… Well, I thought he was just like a big, posturing kitty cat, but that's only cos he was wrapped tight around my little finger, unless he wanted me to set my Pops on him. Baralai took Gippal's outstretched hand nervously, and Gippal, being just as touchy-feely as I was, pulled him into a manly hug. Much patting on the back ensued and I had to roll my eyes and bite back a grin, they really were too cute.

"Gippal, it really has been too long." The Praetor replied when Gippal had finally let him go. He looked over to me and cocked his head. "I think you're gonna give me more news than I expected, eh?" He asked cheekily, chuckling when Gippal ran his hand through his hair and diverted his line of sight to his boots. Then, an idea struck like a stupid icky lightning bolt and he turned to me, but I was ready for him.

"Your friend, your bombshell, I ain't doing it." I said simply, sticking my tongue out when he scowled at me.

"Cid's Girl, he'll laugh at me!" He moaned petulantly, causing me to quirk an eyebrow.

"This charming, mild-mannered young man would laugh at the Great Gippal?" I asked in mock-disbelief, making Baralai snicker, Gippal blush harder and Paine pivot round to give me her patented death glare. Gippal started to mumble at me and I giggled softly. "What's that? Don't tell me that the big bad leader of the Machine Faction's actually as brave as a widdle baby Chicobo?" I asked patronizingly, enjoying the novel sight of Gippal's ears turning pink.

"Fine!" He cried, sighing dramatically whilst trying to gather up the shattered pieces of his fragmented ego. Hands in pockets, he looked up slightly to his friend. "You wanna be mumble mumble?" He asked, and I pinched the bridge of my nose, before pinching the back of his neck, studiously avoiding the hickey and blushing at the mere thought of it.

"I didn't quite hear you Gippal, and I don't think anyone else did either." I ground out from my tightly closed teeth, beginning to tighten my grip on the handful of skin resting between my fingers. Gippal yelped loudly and started to bat at my hand, much to Baralai, and Paine's, who'd stopped glaring, thank Shiva, amusement. "Ok! Ok, let me go! Stop pinching!" He wailed, causing everyone present, with the exception of himself, to crack up at his less than masculine behaviour.

"Baralai, would you do me the great honour of being my best man?" He asked, before I pinched him harder. "OUR best man?" My grip didn't loosen. "Please?" He squeaked. I released him from the torment he suffered at my hands and clapped excitedly. Another job well done, just like killing two birds with one stone! Even though killing birds wasn't very nice, unless it was those damned gulls in the Calm Lands, I swear, if one of them dive-bombed me ONE MORE TIME…

_-Er… where were we?- _

"The honour would be mine, my friend." Baralai answered sincerely, bestowing his blessing upon us by making the symbol of a Blitz victory, which still confused the hell outta me. I mean, I could understand if it was one or the other, but both a prayer and a sporting gesture? "I take it that this is the unfortunate that's done what every other woman was unable to?" He asked with a crafty smile, much akin to elbowing my scarlet fiancé in the ribs and winking.

"Yup, unique unfortunate at your service." I deadpanned, "Most people call me Rikku though." I concluded, smiling as I offered the Praetor my hand, which he took graciously, brushing a chaste kiss across my knuckles. However, this action coming from him seemed completely normal, as well as innocent, as opposed to Gippal, who thought chivalry was all one big joke. Paine didn't take the hint and proceeded to stab me with her eyes.

"It is an honour and a pleasure to meet you, my Lady." He stated, and I smiled smugly. No one EVER called ME a Lady!

"If you're gonna be formal, call her Princess, it gives her a real kick…" Gippal drawled, obviously wanting revenge for the whole, pinching deal.

"I'm not the only one that's gonna get a kick." I said sweetly, turning to him with a saccharine smile playing about my lips. Baralai hid a smile behind his hand.

"Then forgive me, Princess, it had slipped my mind of your position in the Al Bhed." He apologised. I brushed off his comment with an upraised hand and glared at Gippal.

"Well, I still insist you call me Rikku, cos that way I won't be reminded every two seconds that Gippal will be King of anything other than the town his own ego has overpopulated." I sniped, chuckling when Gippal clutched his heart and pretended to die loudly and melodramatically behind the Praetor.

"I love you too Honey bunch!" He simpered, batting his lashes at me and making me mock-gag.

"Well, anyway, now that this marriage mess is cleared up, I think we'd better give your sphere back." I announced sheepishly.

"Thank you. It's not every day you meet hunters who are willing to bring back a sphere they stole." Baralai replied with a rueful grin, accepting the insignificant looking object that had been the cause of so much trouble without so much as blinking. Yuna stepped to the fore and started to fiddle with her skirt frills.

"It's kinda a long story…" She muttered bashfully.

"You helped us keep the sphere out of the hands of the Youth League. I'm willing to leave it at that. You've been of great help, High Summoner." Baralai interrupted formally, making me roll my eyes sardonically.

"Hello? We're the Gullwings, and surprisingly, Yuna has a name." I stated tartly.

"Ah, forgive me. By the way, have you seen the contents of the sphere?" The Praetor asked curiously. Paine just snorted and resumed avoiding eye contact with the man.

"Yes, we have." Yuna answered for us.

"Then… I suppose I have a little explaining to do. What you saw is Vegnagun, a weapon built roughly one thousand years ago. It's currently being held under tight security. The location is, of course, highly classified." Baralai said, even though I wasn't exactly impressed at just how little of an explanation we had received.

"I see Yevon still like its secrets." Paine wisecracked, causing me to half smile and half wince.

"True. The Youth League would like nothing more than to use Vegnagun to control Spira. But do not be afraid. We will stop them at all costs." Baralai answered, expression shifting from a wry smile to grim determination as his full mouth became a hard, unfeeling line.

"Can you tell me…? Please, who was the man in the sphere?" Yuna pleaded desperately, and my heart broke when I noticed the pain in her eyes. Baralai's expression became guarded and I frowned.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I couldn't say…" He answered, polite and emotionless once again.

"I see…" Yuna concluded brokenly.

"About this, returning of the sphere… We are not necessarily on the side of the Youth League… but… Bevelle… and, Yuna's ARRANGEMENT…" Brother started awkwardly.

"It's not that we wouldn't appreciate your support. On the contrary, you'd be most welcome. But I understand if your feelings toward Yevon are mixed. But I would hope that you could put that aside and join our cause. The world is changing, and there many who are finding it difficult to keep up. New Yevon wishes to help those who feel lost in the winds of change. If you'll excuse me, there are matters which require my attention." Baralai announced slickly. My jaw dropped like someone had tied a stone to it without me noticing. I whipped around quickly and saw Paine's right eye twitch, which was definitely not a sign of good things to come. Baralai was beginning to shuffle off back to his paperwork or whatever, but I grabbed him by the collar and dragged him through the double doors with me as they closed.

Inside the recesses of Bevelle was pretty much just as creepy as it had been last time I was there; and Baralai wasn't doing much for my comfort levels as he looked just as stunned as I felt. I suddenly realised that it looked like I, an Al Bhed figurehead had just abducted the Praetor of New Yevon and couldn't hold in an anguished groan.

"This isn't what it looks like, I can promise you that." I said tiredly, letting the Yevonite go and brushing some imaginary lint off his robes. "It's just; I think you must've been a bit distracted back there, am I right?" I asked like a nice, well-balanced lady, ready to turn into evil incarnate at any moment. Baralai just looked at me in barely concealed confusion so I sighed.

"I know it's hard to make sense of anything that my brother says, but you just proclaimed quite merrily that you wanted to marry my cousin, for the CAUSE. This was a bad move, as my cousin was so worried about this announcement that she puked on my brand new boots, and because Paine may kill her if Gippal doesn't manage to keep her pinned down 'til I get back. Am I making this clear enough for you?" I asked condescendingly, making the Praetor pale considerably.

"I did what?" He asked weakly, before realisation came about. "Why would Paine be angry? Did I make her angry?" He panicked, and I almost started to freak out too, because I was ill-equipped to deal with a hyperventilating official who I had supposedly kidnapped.

"Ok, I see I'll need to take this in baby steps…" I moaned, massaging my temples to stave off the incoming headache. "Paine likes you." My declaration was rather blunt, but I really didn't expect what was coming next. The Praetor's amber eyes rolled back up into his skull and he collapsed, landing in a boneless heap on the antique floor. Other priests were beginning to gather, bellowing angrily at me. Now panic was definitely in order, seeing as two and two had come to a number that really wasn't four, which meant that the Yevonites were beginning to come to the dreadful conclusion that I had murdered the Praetor I had kidnapped minutes prior.

Seeing very few options remaining to me, I elbowed my way through the guards and burst through the grand doors, taking off down the pathway and getting a brief glimpse of Paine, with Gippal frantically trying to keep her arms away from her sword, screaming at a teary Yuna. However, all melodrama on that front was immediately usurped by the scene I had caused, as the entire militia of Bevelle seemed to pour out through the entranceway. I looked back with huge, fearful eyes before cursing under my breath. "What the hell is wrong with you lot? RUN!" I bellowed, and from the reaction of the Gullwings, I didn't need to tell them twice.

"Cid's Girl, what did you do now?" Gippal whined as he quickly caught up to me. I didn't pause to glare at him, only picked up the pace.

"They think I've murdered Baralai!" I moaned back, punching myself in the hip in a futile attempt to make a stitch go away.

"Dammit! It was my job to kill that bastard!" Paine roared from close behind me.

"Paine, shut up! This is not the time to bitch about the fact that my damned life has become some giant misunderstanding!" I raged, risking a glance back to see Shinra scuttling along at the rear, hot on the heels of a flailing brother and a sprinting Buddy, who was ushering a sniffling Yuna along as she tried to stay as far away from Paine as the situation would let her.

"I didn't mean to upset anyone, why do I have to keep on getting married all the time?" Yuna bawled, and the headache stepped up the pain a notch.

"Suck it up; you're the High Summoner for Ixion's sake! We can sort out this disaster back on Celsius, but now, your main damned priority should be in running as fast as your legs will carry you!" I bellowed over my shoulder, before bowling over the little old man that controlled the lift and leaving him in the dust. "Sorry!" I called back, wincing at his cry that sounded suspiciously like: "Ah! My brittle old man hip!" (_A/N: Quote from 8-Bit Theatre, which I also do not own, seeing as Brian Clevinger does, he's a genius!_) I heard Gippal emit something between a wheeze and a cackle, but I felt just as winded and therefore wasn't in the mood to threaten him with a large stick. "Great!" I moaned, "Not only have I been re-dubbed a murderess of religious officials, I leave orphans in my destructive wake!" I groused when I heard an anguished howl of: "GRANDPA!" somewhere in the general vicinity that I was fleeing from.

The Celsius came into view, and I was never happier to see the kitschy paintjob looming over the wilting trees of Macalania. I risked another glance back and judged that we wouldn't be taking off without a few more problems.

"Buddy, Brother, I need you to prep the ship for takeoff as quickly as you physically can; and I'm expecting results or I'm going to give your worthless corpses the most severe kicking you'll ever receive in both lives!" I threatened, and judging by the dust cloud that had once contained the odd pair, they were finally taking me seriously. "Gippal, I know you've probably gone soft with your cushy faction job, but do you remember how to work a machina?" I asked teasingly.

"Cid's Girl, even if I had to use the tools of the trade with my FEET I'd be more efficient than you ever will be." He replied arrogantly, snorting indignantly that I'd belittled his engineering prowess.

"Right Gippal, you've just volunteered yourself for point; the gunner's chair is that way." I ordered, before severing communication entirely by turning my back on him. Yuna was trying to shrink into the walls, obviously because Paine was approaching like a pissed off Tonberry. I shuddered at the mental image, remembering one unfortunate part of Yuna's pilgrimage where I'd made an almost fatal mistake with one of the little buggers.

* * *

-o0o-FLASHBACK SEQUENCE-o0o- 

"Awwwww, Yunie, look at this little guy! Can we keep him?" I'd squealed in my adolescent excitement, bounding up to the little green cutie with the lamp-like yellow eyes. I had neglected to notice the rather lethal looking butcher knife hanging limply at its side, but I think it was because I'd noticed the potato sack it had been wearing and the desire to play dress-up dollies had overruled what little common sense I had possessed at that age. Not that I had much more two years later, but I definitely learnt my lesson the hard way. I was never going to even entertain the thought of trying to put a Tonberry in a pink taffeta dress again.

"Girl, you try and make that thing a pet and it'll turn you into cold-cuts before you can buy it a collar." Auron spat coldly. I turned around to pout at him, hands on hips, before plucking the sunglasses off his nose and placing them awkwardly on my own.

"I'd have to give him a name before I bought him a collar, but it's a great idea, Mr. Grumpy-pants!" I'd chirped, thoroughly enjoying the irritated facial tic that was becoming more defined as each day passed I received for my troubles. I crouched down to gaze adoringly into the glowing golden eyes of the little critter, before screwing up my face in thought. "I have it! I shall name you, my little friend: Jim-Bob McTonberry!" I announced delightedly, patting the newly named Jim-Bob on his scaly emerald head. He started to waddle closer to me and I grinned, "I think he likes his new name!" I called back to the others, before the most bizarre, obscure and frightening noise invaded my ears: DOINK!

It may not seem all that terrifying, but trust me on this one; this sound signifies the end of existence for the mortal who hears it, of course unless you run away like a child encountering a clown. However, I think blood-loss was making me more air headed than usual, so I brandished the flat of my hand and tapped the Tonberry reprovingly on the nose. "Naughty Jim-Bob! Stabbing Mummy in the leg is not allowed!" I chastised, wagging my index finger disapprovingly.

Jim-Bob was obviously not impressed by my antics, as he rubbed his nose, which shouldn't have stung cos the blow I gave him was glancing at best, and started to swing his lantern around in concentric circles. The revolutions of the entrancing light became more intricate as time passed, and I was hypnotised by the combined illuminations of the lantern and the Tonberry's eyes. However, next thing I knew, Wakka had heaved me over his shoulder and was running full pelt away from Jim-Bob.

When we returned to the scene Jim-Bob was scuttling off back from whence he came, and all that was left of the small plateau we had been walking on was a smouldering crater; so I laughed sheepishly while Yuna and Lulu double-teamed to scold me, well, until they realised that I was haemorrhaging quite drastically; I think I tipped them off when I started to sing a time-old nursery rhyme about the Moomba that went to sea to catch a fish for his beloved Moogle, Mindy Mog, but it might've also been due to the fact that Lu had accidentally dropped one of her cursed marionettes in the ever growing puddle of blood, so it started to sing with me. That reminded me that I'd left the tap-dancing stuffed Cactuar in a chest somewhere in my room, so I resolved to show it to Gippal and freak the bejeebus out of him.

o0o-END FLASHBACK-o0o-

* * *

I snickered wickedly before remembering what had led me off on the random tangent anyway.

"Paine, no killing!" I yelled, thrusting myself in the closing gap between my homicidal friend and cowering cousin. "Yunie, go with Shinra, keep him safe; Paine and I will take care of any potential stowaways." I dictated with a cruel smirk, which Paine also adopted. "I don't know what you want to believe, but contrary to popular belief, Baralai is beyond besotted with you." I remarked randomly, causing Paine's face to fall momentarily, before she turned on me angrily.

"If this is your idea of a joke, Rikku, I'll tell you now that I'm not finding it very funny." She answered irately. I held up my hands in surrender and shook my head frantically.

"I'm being totally honest with you, he was so distracted he didn't even think about what he was saying; which I guess makes it your own fault for making him stare at you." I chuckled, recalling the two very different faces of the Praetor.

"I may have believed you two years ago… but now… I can't even remember the person he…" She trailed off sadly, and I wondered whether I should hug her, respect points be damned.

"You don't have to say it, I think I understand." I interrupted softly. Paine nodded gratefully to me and I smiled wickedly. "I never knew Paine was into the pretty boys though." I giggled, watching the crimson eyes of my friend widen in shock.

"Minus three respect points." She laughed, and I joined in, unable to hold a pout on my face.

"Just promise me you'll clear the air when we go back to Bevelle, cos I've got my suspicions that the Youth League won't wait for Vegnagun forever." I said, smiling when Paine grudgingly nodded. "Well, there we are, Rikku has once again saved the day after bringing certain doom down on our heads in the first place!" I giggled ruefully.

"You're definitely as much of a hindrance as you are a help." Paine agreed with a small smile. I pretended to take offence at her statement before dissolving into laughter again.

"I think you definitely have something there, but first, we've gotta clear out the cavalry." I grinned, pounding my fist into the large red button keeping the hold closed. The landing ramp slowly extended outwards and my gaze met those of the Bevelle militia. I turned to Paine and we both traded evil smiles.

"It's hurt time…" She growled.


	9. Chapter Nine: Costume Changes, Curtain C...

Ok! After a rather lengthy interval, I have returned! Again! Even though I have exams right now I think, if I try very very hard, that I can crank out a chapter a week, sound good peoples? Ok, on to the thank yous for today!

**-K-Jaye-** As long as you promise to give him back for whenever Rikku needs him to freak out Gippal, you can have Needles, (original, I know). His credits include understudying for Michael Flatley, THE Lord of the Dance, body-doubling for Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, and representing Belarus in Olympic gymnastics (he didn't win, as he was disqualified for being a miniature possessed cactus).  
-devours ice cream like horde of locusts- Mmmmmm... and thanks for the concern, I'm ok again!Sure I ended up giving flu to the rest of my family, but meh, I'm fine!

**-Cutekitty-** I didn't originally intend to have Gippal around for QUITE so long, but he just loves to hog the limelight, so I'll let him, lol. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

**-oOoDancingQueenoOo-** Awww, thanks for reviewing! Yaaaaaaaaaaay reviewing!

**-green-eyed blonde-** Whoa! You read it ALL? -applauds- And thanks soooo much for the fave! I so happy!

**-blackrosemint-** Thanks for enjoying it so far, I hope the next chapter won't disappoint!

**-FlyHigh4Ever-** I love Jim-Bob, I hope I can give him another cameo sometime in the future, lol, either him or Needles the damned puppet, whichever causes more havoc... lol... Enjoy!

**-RikkuSWiRLS-** Er... um... I'm just going to nod and smile and pretend I understood that -sheepish- Thanks for reviewing though!

**-Jezzi-** Thanks for the review, I hope you like this chapter too!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine... someone else's, -cries tears of anguish-

"..." Speech  
'...' Quotes, emphasis  
_-Italics- _Thought

**Chapter Nine: Costume Changes, Curtain Calls and a Disappearing Act**

We must've looked an unlikely duo, consisting of slightly dampened sunshine (Me, for anyone who's forgotten that I'm slightly more cheerful than Paine) and macabre-tinted death in stiletto heels, but the guards didn't dwell on that for long. I'm thinking that it was possibly because Paine's sword had magically caught ablaze; and the light reflecting off the midnight blade was illuminating her ruby orbs with all of the demonic majesty of the inferno. I was of course kicking myself for forgetting to reload the pistols strapped to my hips, whilst fumbling with various types of ammunition from behind the relative shelter of the landing ramp. Procrastination finally over, I triumphantly flicked the main chambers back into place and clicked off the safeties.

"Me and Dr. P are in the house!" I crowed, cackling in a way that made me sound mentally unstable, and whirled out from behind my sweet metallic asylum, to pout like a child who hasn't gotten her way. "Paine, we have gone over the concept of sharing before haven't we?" I asked petulantly, kicking a dirt clod vindictively, as if it would relieve some of the adrenalin pounding around my frame. Paine pivoted around to smirk at me, grinding an iniquitous heel into a soldier, who was only able to moan quietly from his sprawled, singed position.

"I believe we've broached the topic." She replied somewhat cryptically, which just made me even sulkier.

"Well then, you can see how redundant my battle cry was, seeing as me and Dr. P are the ONLY ones CONSCIOUS in the house." I muttered, jutting out my lower lip in a particular way, you know, the one that can bring empires to their knees. Paine wasn't buying, obviously, as she just snorted amusedly and grabbed a soldier by the leg. She started to drag the man, who was thankfully still cataleptic, across the dirt track on the outskirts of the forest; until she was happy with his new position, where she callously dropped him to the ground. Traversing the small clearing again, she chose another subject, to repeat the process and lie him down next to his previously manhandled comrade. "Er… Paine? Painey-Paine? What the hell are ya doin'?" I asked nervously, wondering whether all of the violence had finally made her snap.

"None of your business…" Was the reply, well, more of a grunt than a proper exchange, but I realised anyhow that I was just going to have to watch her ritualistically set up her tableau of whatever the hell it was, much like a little girl with her dollies at an imaginary tea party.

_-Speaking of tea… I was really thirsty after all of the running and shouting and more running…-_

"Can I get you anything?" I asked pleasantly enough, in the safe area between annoyingly saccharine and dangerously volatile.

"Rope… lots of rope…" She demanded in a no-nonsense tone. I just nodded passively and tried to think what the hell she needed rope for. "And vodka… I need vodka…" She concluded, before resuming her task. I looked to her for a few seconds, but Paine was far too engrossed in whatever it was that she was doing, so I just sighed and went back inside.

Upon reaching the cabin, which had been an eerily calm, uneventful trip, something I still wasn't used to, I waved an obligatory hello to Barkeep, who asked after the wellbeing of my person. This was seeing as last time I'd seen him, her, it… I'd been bleeding and stuttering like a mad person.

"Hey, Barkeep!" I chirped, glad and saddened at the same time that this was the only constant in my hectic existence. "I'm doing some errands at the moment, so while I'm foraging around upstairs, can you get me a bottle of whatever vodka you've got back there, please?" I added as an afterthought, cos it hadn't exactly been even anywhere near the top of Pops' list of priorities to teach manners to either me or Brother. I was halfway up the stairs, gleefully cackling away that I finally had an excuse to go rummaging about in Paine's things, before Barkeep interrupted my rare moment of pure, malevolent happiness.

"Mish Rikku ish sheventeen, yesh?" He stated, and/or asked, you could never really tell with Hypello.

"Yesh?" I answered cautiously, before slapping my forehead at the slip and retracing my steps back to the counter.

"Barkeep cannot allow Mish Rikku to purchash alcyhol when she ish underage, yesh?" He concluded in his typical roundabout way. My face fell instantly and I was quite ready to smash my face into the oaken surface of the bar-top. Then again, I'd found out that Hypello actually did have enough energy to care about the legalities and fine print, even though I was finding it more farcical than inspiring.

I realised after a few drawn out moments of puerility that I actually had a set of options available to me; they were pretty damned limited, but they were there nonetheless. To cut a long story short, I could lie, cheat, steal, or assault the unfortunate Hypello, because seduction had been thrown out the window as soon as it had sailed into my mind. Or I could mosey on back to the Bridge to find me a consenting adult of legal drinking age, but that would be REALLY boring. So, seeing as I was a master thief, and I'm not blowing my own type o' brass instrument,

_-I could steal the core from a machina from under a solid foot of plate-metal!_-

I decided that stealing would be infinitely preferable, if a weensy bit immoral, to grievous bodily harm. I mean, I liked Barkeep! Sure I was mugging him without him being aware of the fact, but technically the vodka was already my property. Stay tuned for the explanation kiddies, or just channel surf 'til I'm done.

In a really long, roundabout way including many vast loopholes, this ship partially belonged to my Brother. Well, more to me than Brother if we're counting that carbon copy sheet I slipped over the deed to his shares that I asked him to sign… But that was his own damned fault for being stupid enough to think that I WANTED his autograph anyway!

So, as I was saying, 50 of this airship is mine, and I've chosen the side which contains the bar, so it's more a question of taking MY vodka to give to the raving psychopath outside. Not that she needs alcohol, I'm sure it'll only fuel the madness, but if I didn't fulfil her request she might kill me and add my body to her horde, so, if worst came to worst then I could either smash the bottle over her head and run or make her drink herself into a stupor, either was a good suggestion if it kept me from being dead.

_-And now that I've convinced the voices in my head, it's time to move out!-_

I walked cautiously to the end of the platform that held YRP's frugal beds, with their mattresses that stabbed me with their springs in the middle of the night, and peered over the banister. Barkeep was in the midst of perpetually polishing a shot glass, which was slowly being eroded by the poor Hypello that was single-mindedly trying to be the best stereotypical bartender that he could be.

Seeing that my only obstacle was distracted, which he was at the best of times, I swung a leg over the wooden barrier, followed by the other as I rested both feet on the wrong side of the narrow ledge. Sliding my hands down the interlocking rails as I bent my knees, I gripped the sheer surface tightly with bare hands, lowering myself as the muscles in my arms strained under my weight.

"Mish Rikku? Why ish yoo hanging there? And what ish that horribibble shmell?" Barkeep answered, and his worry was so much that I could actually hear it in his tone. Then again, I guess even Hypello could tell that girls shouldn't be hanging from the upper floors in normal circumstances.

However, before I could answer with some ridiculous fabrication, a callused fingertip prodded into the naked, defenceless flesh covering my spine. With an animalistic yelp my hands left their purchases to flail at the digit that was poking me. Consequently, instead of falling the remaining five feet in stealth that would make a ninja turn green with envy, to land catlike on my feet; I came plummeting down like a screeching Zuu, to fall through the arms of my potential saviour, and hit the ground like a sack full of bricks. And judging from the familiar cackling dancing around my head like the cartoon birds of a concussion victim, I knew why they hadn't tried to catch me.

"Gippal, this is your lucky day, cos if I could feel my legs I'd kick your ass; and your identical twin's too!" I growled, rubbing my own injured posterior and wishing I'd had more collagen to pad out the blow some. Gippal just snorted, an action immediately copied by the sibling I never knew he had. I mean, the action was so instantaneous it was like they shared a psychic twin bond, which would be a really neat party trick; maybe they could do it at the wedding! Both Gippals offered their hands and I looked to each one in horror.

_-Which was which? How was I supposed to differentiate between them, identical twins were identical for reasons, you know! It was even in the damn gene description!-_

Should I choose one at random and hope that I picked was the one I was ENGAGED to? What if I got it wrong and Gippal never spoke to me again cos I hit on his relatives?

_-Wait a second… there ARE subtle differences in twins… like… freckles or something!-_

Due to extensive research, I have discovered that neither of them have any freckles. "Damn the pair of you and your melanin counts both!" I shouted huffily, scowling in a juvenile manner and reaching out for a hand chosen via split-second decision, and going right through to fall flat on my face. "Curse you momentum, why must you also conspire against me?" I asked no one in particular, seeing as the small collection of Hypello in the background were just… wobbling feebly. Oh, and Gippal and his alien clone were both doubled over, laughing at yours truly. Propping myself up on my elbows, and noticing quicker than usual that Gippal and his equally perverted doppelganger were rather entranced by the way my cleavage had been brutally forced up and out, I glared for lack of anything constructive to do. "Fine, if neither of you are gentlemen enough to help a lady up, then you can at least get back into my good books by buying me some damned vodka while I try and shower off the stench of river water and vomit, which I've already trekked into the carpet, so you can deal with Brother when he flips out." I spat, irritation building as I received more snickering for my troubles.

After a truly harrowing experience of trying to get myself upright, an action participated solely by me when I almost kicked a Gippal in the face with a knee-high, sick-covered black boot, I meandered my not-so-merry out of the cabin, apologising briefly to the wall fixtures that I decimated along the way.

I managed to reach the bridge with no life-threatening experience that could be turned into an epic saga, seeing as the only harm I did to anything was the elevator control panel, due to the fact that the buttons had blurred into an incoherent mess so I just pushed all of them… with my fist… Anyways, I'd got there; the lift was going to be pogo-ing up and down like a squatter monkey on amphetamines for a while, but the top of my list of priorities at this particular moment in time was to give Shinra my gunner's dress-sphere and hope that he could save my outfit. My top, which was skimpy enough anyway, due to the massive patches cut out that would have once covered my abdomen and collar bones, had another flap cut out at the back, putting a shoulder blade on display as well. My indigo and periwinkle stockings were already beginning to shrink as they dried, cutting off the circulation to my thighs, which were beginning to come up in goose-bumps due to the ridiculous level of air conditioning in the room. Oh, and what was left of my outfit, originally of indigo and burnt umber, was now an aesthetically horrifying shade of swamp brown. Plus, the tassels of my half skirt were all knotted together with bits of pondweed, and did I mention that my brand, spanking new boots were covered in sick?

_-I did? Many times you say? Who asked you anyway?- _

With a sigh that did little to take the weight of the world off of my shoulders, I handed the spheres I had collected on my travels to Shinra, who started to pore over them excitedly. It was kind of weird that the only time I saw him actually acting like a child was when he was experimenting with ideas complex enough to make any Al Bhed's mind reel, unless we were counting that time when Yunie and I had to read him a bed time story on wave-particle duality because the batteries in his nightlight had died… You wouldn't think someone who could understand that light was created as a result of these tiny little deelies travelling in pulses faster than the human eye could follow would be scared of the dark, but there you have it, every eight year-old prodigy had his weakness.

_-Where was I? Oh yeah, Shinra needed to get a life outside of machina, or he'd end up like Gippal, until I told HIM to get a life outside of machina, and he found he had a different talent, which just happened to be picking up women…-_

"Shinra?" I asked as politely as I could, but when the little boy turned around I still felt him glaring at me for interrupting. "Don't ever change." I said sincerely, not being able to cope with the idea of a Gippal junior to be who could one day be leading my own children astray. Then again, they'd be part Gippal spawn, so Shinra might have some competition to the title of Desert Casanova, but what am I saying? I'm seventeen, and Shinra's eight! Unaware of my thoughts, the miniature genius just gave me a despairing glance and patted me consolingly on the shoulder.

"My analysis concludes that the sphere you picked up at the Moonflow could be useful to us, especially seeing as your Gunner sphere isn't going to be ready for a few days." He announced calmly, scratching the side of his head as I nodded comprehension. "Judging from the state of you, the memory residing in the fragment is pretty totalled, so I just have to try and reset the components without losing any of the data." He announced, and I squinted in an attempt to absorb the information better.

"This is like what happened with the Songstress sphere, right? We're playing dress-up in some long dead girl's clothes or something?" I asked cautiously, waiting for Shinra to sigh and start muttering about his unappreciated genius.

"Right; and judging from your expression, I'm as surprised as you are." He muttered amusedly, before brandishing Tobli's sphere before me. "Seeing as it's going to take awhile, the data in this sphere shows the remnants of a troop of Gun Mages, back in the early days of the Crusaders. If you give me a second to scan the data into some blank spheres for the others, I'll hand it over and you can either leave or change, cos you're really beginning to smell." He said, not unkindly, but in that typical, brutally honest fashion of his. The problem was, seeing as he practically had a gas mask strapped to his head, it probably meant that Buddy was asphyxiating slowly and horribly in his chair, while I seemed to have become immune.

"Thanks Shinra! I owe you a giant chocolate chip chocobo cookie, 'kay?" I smiled as I gratefully accepted my new dress-sphere.

"My equipment's recorded everything, so don't try and get out of it." He replied bluntly, and I chuckled softly as I traipsed up the stairs to the elevator.

It'd calmed down since its earlier abuse, suffered at my hands, so I rode back down to the cabin, briefly wondering where Yuna and Paine had gotten to whilst impatiently tossing my sphere from palm to palm. Expecting the familiar public house tableau to appear before my eyes, I was thrown for a bit of a loop when I saw Barkeep watching Gippal with unblinking fascination, as he had managed to con his way behind the bar and was flipping a cocktail shaker around with more coordination than I could ever hope to possess.

I adopted Barkeep's stunned countenance as my ridiculously versatile fiancé poured a concoction of tropical colours into a glass filled with crushed ice, before whirling around to toss another indiscriminate bottle of some particular substance into the air, catching it after it somersaulted backwards and tossing a dash of crimson liquid over his creation. Snickering under his breath, he skewered a slice of orange beneath a Maraschino cherry, which looked like an odd kind of totem pole when a chunk of pineapple was added to the mix as the base. Proudly brandishing his fruit salad on a cute little cocktail umbrella, he daintily dropped it into the glass and clasped his hands together, sensing a job well done. Cocky smirk gracing his features, he slid the glass along the bar as I lunged forward to stop it from meeting an early demise. I gave the cocktail in my hand a dubious glance, fiddling awkwardly with the little umbrella while the index finger of my other hand started to collect the sugar from the rim of the glass.

"It's called a Desert Sunshine, made 'specially for you, Princess." He announced triumphantly, before wiping his sugary hands off on one of Barkeeper's spare rags. I chuckled softly after quickly devouring the hollow circle of sugar, then decided to pluck the pineapple from the wooden skewer and popped it into my open mouth. The slice of orange promptly met the same fate, until I was left glaring disdainfully at the cherry.

"Gippal! You KNOW I hate these things!" I declared snottily, glaring at the evil piece of fruit in question.

"Of course I know that, and YOU know that I love them, so pass it back over here." He replied just as snobbishly.

I fondly remembered the days from my childhood where he and I had grudgingly swapped cherries for an ever-growing collection of cocktail swizzle sticks which came in every colour of the rainbow. These were at the earliest functions that Pops dragged me to, where Gippal and I actually interacted, seeing as his simpering assortment of cronies hadn't been deigned worthy of invites. We were only there cos he was the Al Bhed's prodigal son, and I was the big cheese's daughter, and the genius of the moment would laugh at me in my puffball dresses whilst I would try to garrotte him with the ties his mother made him wear. But when she died, Gippal's introverted behaviour drastically contrasted with his usually outgoing self, and he took the first boat out of Bikanel when he was old enough to kill the monster that killed his mother. His loyal supporters found a new leader, Cid found a new protégé, and only the hole in my heart confirmed that he'd lived with my people for sixteen years of his life.

I took an unladylike swig of my cocktail and smiled.

"Not that I don't appreciate the thought you put into this, and the cocktail itself, but the vodka was for Paine, I'm not the one that needs to drink herself into a coma." I said wryly, before taking a smaller sip. Gippal strode over, until only the oaken counter separated us. Rolling my eyes, I dutifully swiped the Maraschino cherry from its stick and held it up. Gippal, smiling as he played along, opened his mouth childishly and waited patiently. I giggled as I placed the cherry on his tongue, grazing my thumb on blunt enamel as my fingers retreated.

"I'm quite tempted to make a pun along the lines of taking your cherry, but that cocktail stick looks mighty sharp." He chuckled after savouring the ridiculously syrupy morsel. In fact, his expression made that one fragment look so delectable that I unconsciously put my fingers in my own mouth, lapping up the juice, before the spell was broken and I grimaced, trying to scratch the flavour off my tongue with the aid of my teeth.

"Then you were definitely right when you told me not to belittle your survival instincts, cos you have it in spades." I drawled, amassing the quip with another slug of vodka. Gippal chuckled at my hard-boiled, film noir detective routine and leapt back to the side of the bar used by the patrons.

"So, does Paine still down a Black Magic?" He asked conversationally, giving me the puppy dog face until I gave him a sip of my drink.

"She asked for one once and only once, seeing as Barkeep put the whole lemon, zest and all in the blender. Now she drinks neat whiskey, when we can afford it." I said with a chuckle. "How'd you get so good at this anyway? Get a job to impress a girl, or did you need the cash that bad?" I asked slyly, leaning into the arm Gippal equally deviously wrapped around my waist.

"Nah, I just got good at it, cos two years ago, the four of us were too poor to buy anything other than cheap vodka or equally cheap cider for when we celebrated, so I became the bartender. Because we could do virtually nothing with the cider, I think I learnt every vodka based cocktail known to man." He said with a short laugh. I smiled and craned my neck so I could have a view that didn't totally consist of his shoulder.

"So, Paine had a yen for Black Magic, what was your favourite?" I asked sweetly, until I became internally disgusted with myself and vowed to say something scathing next time I opened my mouth.

"Sex on the Beach, of course!" He stated, before cracking up at his comic genius. I resisted a groan, and the growing urge to pinch the man, and just sighed that I'd crashed into such an obvious pitfall. "Because we could never actually get hold of a damned pineapple, my drink was a Screw Driver, which was surprisingly appropriate." He said with a nostalgic smile.

"I see what you mean, instead of working, you use the tools of the trade to knock yourself out and become a gibbering mess in the corner, funny how some things never change." I quipped cheerfully, squirming feebly when Gippal inserted his hand into the bird's nest on my head masquerading as hair and proceeded to give me the mother of all noogies. "Owowowowowowowow! Gippal! Stooooooooooop!" I shrieked, floundering awkwardly about as I struggled to get away. "Ok, ok, I give, Gippal is the greatest machina genius in all of Spira, and I am technologically illiterate!" I wailed, and as soon as I was released, a little person knocked on the door to my brain with a huge oxygen debt to be repaid. Panting rather pathetically, I downed the rest of my drink and slid fluidly off of my stool. "Anyways, as you'd probably have guessed, I still stink BADLY, cos you stole the shower away from me before, so I'm going to try and see if my hair is still salvageable." I said, wondering if any of my dignity could be retrieved either.

"I didn't steal the shower Cid's Girl; I was waiting for you to join me!" He replied, pivoting around on his barstool to smirk at me. He got his desired reaction, as I blushed from the roots of my hair to my toes, and started to sputter indignantly. "Does this mean you want me to take another shower, now that you know my ulterior motive?" He mock-squealed; and it took a hell of a lot of willpower to not just sit back and combust from the heat my face was producing. Instead, I took the offensive, and draped myself across the still cackling Gippal's lap, smiling coquettishly. I waited a few moments, enough for the full onset of shock to settle in for the winter, but before he regained his senses and his hands started to wander. Ticking off the seconds in my head, I smiled broadly and ran my index finger down the side of his face.

"Did you use up all the hot water? Cos I'm a grouchy shower buddy when I'm almost frozen solid…" I purred, waiting patiently for Gippal's seduction overloaded mind to process the information.

"You… what… huh… really?" He asked, struggling and failing to come up with the catch.

"The only condition is that you scrub my back, some places are just soooooo hard to reach." I said forlornly, pout adorning my features. I swiftly put my feet to the floor and sashayed into the bathroom, turning on the water as I took ample time disrobing. The expected knock on the door came exactly as planned, so I wrapped the biggest towel I could find around myself and bunched my disgusting outfit into my fist. I swung open the door and smiled beatifically, waving with my free hand at the confused, scared and obviously suicidal level of curiosity that Gippal apparently possessed. I slammed the door shut seconds later, relishing Gippal's expression in the few seconds before my reeking garments hit him slap in the face.

After I exited the shower, still highly sheepish about accidentally almost flooding the bathroom, due to all the hair and pond-life that I was moulting clogging up the plughole, I sphere changed into my newest ensemble, sighing when I became aware that someone had cut the abdomen out of an otherwise decent outfit, again. I was tempted to just trundle back along to my wardrobe and choose an item of clothing to cover my stomach, but I didn't have time enough to be accessorising when we should be getting the hell out of Bevelle. I started to braid my hair again, glad that it was at least flatter, even if it was going to dry funny, but my thoughts wandered off and led me to think about one of the few flaws in an invention of Shinra's.

You could instantaneously materialise into one outfit or the next, but obviously the young genius still thought girls with no clothes on were obviously much too frightening a notion to entertain, so you had to spend forever changing back out of them. I mean, after a long hard day, I'd like nothing better than to just transform into a nice, baggy pair of pyjamas and then sleep until someone was cruel enough to wake me, but no, 'these clothes were for fighting, not domestic issues!'

I snickered at the thought of Shinra throwing another temper tantrum and gave myself a quick once over in the mirror, deeming my appearance to be acceptable and therefore vacating the bathroom. I at last discovered where Yuna was, seeing as she was sitting demurely at the bar as Gippal and Barkeep flustered about behind the counter.

"If you two are having some kind of cocktail war, keep me out of it…" I said, revealing my awesome presence to the group. Gippal's ears pricked conspicuously, but he didn't look to me for fear of being called a pervert. I'm guessing probably cos Yuna would kick his ass if the aforementioned scenario occurred, which just made the thought that much more palatable. "Aw, come on Gippykins, I'm embarrassed enough for the both of us! Come on, you honestly thought I was a 'co-ed showers on the first date' kinda gal?" I deadpanned, giggling when I saw a telltale rose infusing his angular cheekbones.

"I thought you'd lost your mind and was going to take advantage of the situation until you regained what little common sense you once possessed and slaughtered me with extreme prejudice." He answered glibly, pouring a mixture as blue as his Hypello nemesis into a large, curvaceous glass, before beginning the beautifying process. Barkeep, meanwhile, had poured something equally blue into his own glass, and was fumbling around with something that looked disturbingly like a crazy straw.

"So, who actually ordered the Curacao?" I asked, directing my hesitant gaze to a cocktail a colour that Yevon had never intended to naturally exist. Gippal noticed my expression and chuckled, before tipping his head to the High Summoner.

"The only vodka cocktail Barkeep knows is a Windex, which is pretty damn obscure, but we've had a little wager, and the Lady Yuna's the judge." Gippal revealed, and I rolled my eyes.

"What did you bet?" I asked curiously, pondering as to what twisted suggestions could be at stake.

"My Safety Bit against his Cerulean Ring, on who makes the better drink." He answered smugly, giggling when I continued to stare at him unblinkingly.

"Those cost 10,000 Gil EACH!" I shrieked, storming up to the bar to break up the proceedings. However, Gippal just slipped the drink into my hand, and smiled endearingly, so I fell mute and scowled instead.

"Mish Yuna?" Barkeep stated, gesturing to his cocktail, which, did indeed have a crazy straw swimming about in it. The drink in my own hands was prettily decked out with another swizzle stick dressed in impaled fruit, with a cute umbrella on the side.

"So, both of us take a sip and judge?" I asked redundantly, as both bartenders nodded enthusiastically, well, Gippal's excitement more than made up for Barkeep's lack of any facial expression, so I took a hesitant swallow. "Surprisingly, this isn't bad! I prefer the Desert Sunshine, but at least it doesn't taste like REAL Windex!" I said with a laugh, passing it back to Gippal who stole the Maraschino cherry while he thought I wasn't looking. Yuna, however, was looking rather ill on her side of the bar.

"Barkeep, THIS is real Windex, isn't it?" She asked ruefully, and groaned harder when the Hypello nodded happily. I looked to the almost empty glass and gawped, as Yunie started to wobble in her seat.

Suddenly, every siren in the place started to go off, and all of us looked to the intercom system, apart from Yunie, who slid off her chair unnoticed, to sprawl in a giggling, undignified heap on the floor.

"Gullwings, it's official, we've been burgled."


	10. Chapter Ten: Babysitter's Breakdown

A/N: Ok childrens, cos I've been very, very naughty on the update front, you've got a longer chappie than normal, only by about 1000 words, but it adds up, right? Please don't hurt me, I miscalculated how much... STUFF I'd have to learn for my exams... A little tip for you guys: Do NOT try to do a whole TERM'S work in a DAY. Honest to god you'll end up talking about JAM CONSUMPTION... or maybe that's just me...  
Anyways, I am so sorry to the adoring public I have disappointed, I actually have a week off now, so I'll try and give you the updates that I've neglected to post and... well... WRITE... -sheepish- Reviewing however DOES give me inspiration, in fact, I'm thinking of putting a quota up! If you don't review, NO next chapter, eh? Sound harsh? I'm feeling insecure, shoot me... lol

**DISCLAIMER:** I have all of a fiver to my name, surprisingly, me no own FFX-2...

**-Jezzi-** Holy cow Batman! -cracks up- Best phrase in the history of the world... Anyways, yeah, I feel sorry for being so mean to poor Yunie, but I find the suffering of others amusing, so I'm not quite done with her yet, lol. Thanks for likin' it -bashful- SORRY about the lack of updates, I am suitably ashamed...

**-green-eyed-blonde-** Just to be entirely too annoying and smug, Order of the Phoenix 2 days, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Anyways, thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoy this next chapter!

**-Alicia-** Awwww, thanks fer bein' so nice to lil ol' me... -blushes- So sorry 'bout the whole, LYING about a quick update thing, but I hope the chapter's worth the wait!

**-oOoDancingQueenoOo-** How's about you read to find out, eh? Oooh! The SUSPENSE!

**-K-Jaye-** Awwww, I am ADORED! -huggles- I have to thank you LOADS for the inspiration for Shinra's storytime, and I hope that I've done your mental picture proud, lol. And I soooo know how it feels to have a bastard brother... I'd kill him and bury the body in the back garden if I could, but I'm sure my Mum would realise I did it... Sorry for the lack of updates, failing exams is stressful as well as time consuming... which is a really feeble excuse... lol... Enjoy the chapter!

**Chapter Ten: Babysitter's Breakdown**

Shinra's announcement was clear, concise, and soooooo not what I needed right now. Leaving my stunned comrades, I raced up the curving stairs, crouching in mid-movement to swipe the rope I had unearthed during my last exploration, to then leap fluidly from the balcony, arching forward into a pretty somersault; and land gracefully on my feet, for once… I bent my knees to absorb the shock impact, which caused me a lot less pain than landing on my backside had, and then righted myself with a gymnast's flourish, to scowl when I realised that no one was paying any attention to my aerial acrobatics. Muttering with a sourness that hadn't previously been a part of my happy-go-lucky list of emotions, I snatched the remaining contents of the vodka bottle off of the countertop, taking a hearty swig as if it would solve any or all of my problems, before giving a helpless look to my cousin, who was highly amused at her inability to stand, and striding purposefully to the elevator.

I discovered upon reaching the great out of doors that Paine was adding the finishing touches to her giant art attack or whatever the heck she was doing, and that she had obviously lost it, due to the fact that she was muttering angrily to herself… oh, and she was confiscating the boots from one of her victim's very feet; the reason for her action wasn't yet apparent, but I was blessed with a plethora of suggestions from my overactive imagination.

I continued to watch Paine stalking around, dropping one of the boots near another fallen soldier and nodding her satisfaction, almost causing a stolen helmet to topple from its haphazard perch on her hair.

"Did you get the rope?" She called to me, without even turning, which of course almost caused me to have a massive coronary right there and then. When I'd managed to get my heart rate to a less elevated, chaotic cadence, I tossed the rope, marvelling at how Paine caught it, still without turning to acknowledge my presence. Savagely ramming the helmet back upon her unruly hair, she began to lash the wrists of one of the horizontal almost-dead together; tethering his ankles to each other in what I thought was a rather unneeded gesture. I mean, judging from their previous positions from over half an hour ago and their current locations? They weren't waking up any time in the near future; not without a load of White Mages and smelling salts at their disposal anyhow. Unless Paine was going to use the vodka as a real sure-fire way to start the party… literally; hence the rope probably being a good idea, seeing as it had been drenched in reeking black tar, whether for this purpose or to match Paine's outfit, it's something I'm still trying to fathom out. Then I realised that Paine had already played with fire today, and her playthings were still suffering for her whim; and with the Black Mage sphere hanging saucily off of one hip, it just seemed like the vodka was one step too far.

"So, what's the vodka actually for?" I voiced the question I'd privately asked myself many times and was quite stunned that my psychotic friend deemed it worthy of an answer.

"Well, let's just say that I've concluded that I am a) alone, b) humiliated, c) probably in a heck of a lot of trouble with a plethora of people, and finally, d) did you see me get publicly JILTED?" She thundered, and I was only able to nod meekly in response. "So, seeing as I've had the characteristics: homicidal spinster branded into my forehead like I were a piece of livestock, I think I'd like to drown my sorrows in alcohol and hope I remember less than the usual 2 of the evening before." She spat, tying a frighteningly complex knot that bound two soldiers together in what looked like a life sized cat's cradle. Unfortunately, as awkward silence descended, I felt obliged to open my big fat mouth.

"You could always get a cat?" I suggested, promptly wedging my foot into said big fat mouth. Paine swirled around furiously, cursing me with the first instance of eye contact; and let me say, if looks could kill, I'd be ashes floating on the thermals created by my own combusted flesh.

"Oh yes, what a great idea Rikku, I could train an army of ninja cats to throw at small children foolish enough to pass my house, or try to infiltrate the 'witch's' yard to retrieve their playthings!" She narrated, more than meeting her sarcasm quota for the day. I ploughed on regardless, trying to see that if I kept digging my own grave I'd come out somewhere on the other side of Spira; somewhere FAR away from Paine.

"You know, I'm sure the kids would like you if you fed them, the way to their hearts is through their stomachs or materialistic desires. Just don't sprinkle arsenic on the cookies and don't mix their milk with cyanide." I replied just as snidely. Paine strode up to me briskly, and I barely resisted the urge to cower, but she only snatched the glass bottle from my shaking hands, knocking back a frighteningly large quantity of alcohol with the consistency of paint stripper. She made a small noise of satisfaction, one I didn't think that anyone could receive from something as foul tasting as neat vodka, before turning her attention back to me.

"Anything else you wanted?" She asked, warning evident in her tone. I took the hint, and made my excuse quickly.

"Something's come up; Shinra seems to think it's important enough to use the term 'robbery'." I elucidated bluntly, turning slowly and exhaustedly to trudge wearily after Paine who was speedily returning to the Celsius. "What was up with the exterior decorating anyways?" I asked curiously, gesturing vaguely to battlefield we were calmly departing from. Paine turned, grinning malevolently at her handiwork, and my curiosity.

"You'll find out when we leave." She answered cryptically, closing the discussion by severing eye contact and strolling briskly away.

I managed to catch up to her as the elevator was about to depart, having power-walked as fast as my comparatively stumpy little legs would take me, but Paine had long since retreated into herself, so I was no longer deemed interesting, and therefore unworthy of the gift of her conversation. We reached the Bridge in relative, well, total silence, I'd broached inane chitchat once and only once in the whole existence of our relationship, cos no matter what Gippal said, I wasn't TOTALLY blonde, and looked expectantly to the congregation. Gippal was supporting Yuna all by his lonesome, which I later found out, was because Brother had been forbidden from participating when his hand 'slipped' for the fifth time in two minutes. Yuna, who looked no worse for wear, unless you counted the inability to stand unaided and the random moments where she'd try and poke Gippal's nose, which wasn't the best of ideas since her depth perception had gone bye-bye, was finding Gippal cursing and holding his free hand to his previously good eye rather amusing, and I had to admit that I was also biting back a snigger. Shinra was waiting rather impatiently to bring enlightenment to his not-so rapt flock, standing on his station like it was a podium.

"The broken sphere from the Zanarkand Ruins is missing." He announced, glaring at me expectantly, seeing as our great leader wasn't even all that coherent at best, or mentally stable, and our unofficial commander in chief was giggling and marvelling at her own hands.

"Were there any obvious clues about; cos I really don't want to go over this place with a fine toothed comb?" I asked tiredly; being in charge wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

"Looks like the burglar left us a present." Buddy answered, waggling a sphere in front of my face, which I promptly passed to Shinra.

"I'll punch it up, analysis shows that this is as good as we're getting anyway." He muttered grouchily, which made me subconsciously check the clock on the wall; yup, it was past his bedtime, I was gonna have to give him more than just the one cookie. Yunie obviously wasn't impressed at his brusqueness, as she jabbed her index finger menacingly forward in his general direction.

"You're not so big…" She whined, squinting in a drunken interpretation of a glare.

"Er… Lady Yuna, he's like, three foot tall, max, and the desk isn't doing all that much for him." Gippal highlighted deftly, winking when I snorted.

"Well… you're a stupid-head!" Was the witty rebuttal he received, making me glad I'd clapped my hand over my mouth beforehand.

Light flared across one wall, rippling across the metal surface like mercury. A revealing magenta garment came into view and I groaned. Panning upwards, the camera revealed more exposed flesh, forcing my vision to trace the outline of the moronic Leblanc. Coming to rest for a split second longer than was appropriate on the heart tattoo, my eyes went huge when they strayed from the edges of the garish body art.

Turning quickly, Gippal had obviously noticed as well, as his gaze was appraising, much like a connoisseur would size up the wine on his palate. All embarrassment and nausea pushed momentarily aside, I quickly slipped off one of my supple ankle-boots and lobbed it, hitting my poor inebriated cousin in the side of the head and knocking her to terra firma. Jaw going slack and eyes widening to the size of black holes, I visibly paled, scanning the crowd to see if they'd noticed. Buddy, Shinra and Brother were pretty engrossed, thank Yevon, even though Paine was looking at me like a long suffering child-minder. Gippal, on the other hand, began to laugh his arse off at my lack of anything constituting as good aim, before trying to help the frantically staring Yuna up from her familiar friend: the floor.

Forcing my unwilling eyes back to the leader of the Leblanc Syndicate, who for all the world seemed unaware that she was giving her sworn nemeses a bit of an eyeful, on the right side at least, I finally witnessed the sphere fragment in her gloved hand. Arching back to run a magenta-clad hand through a truly harrowing head of badly-bleached hair, she shook the sphere provocatively, smiling broadly as I fought my morbid curiosity to stare at her gravity-defying boobs… and the patch of scanty fabric that hadn't done its rather small job of hiding only the unmentionable.

"Who's on top now, Dullwings? It'll be a thousand years before you can take on the mighty Leblanc!" She cackled, ramming her hands onto her hips, making me take an involuntary step back for fear that she'd take one of my eyes out with her horrifying cleavage. Ormi and Logos, her contrasting sidekicks, also began to partake in the clichéd laughter of the evil villain. As soon as the sphere cut off, I wondered how the hell she knew we were going to Bevelle as opposed to Mushroom Rock, cos, with the limited number of encounters we'd had with the woman, she wasn't really the type to actually come up with a successful plan, or actually listen to Logos who could actually scheme.

"Well, she got us…" Paine said, for the benefit of those who'd been too busy staring at the Queen of the Bimbos. Yuna nodded forlornly before stomping her foot viciously downwards, heel scraping along Gippal's shin as she did so.

"Oh… POOPIE!" She sulked, completely masking Gippal's small wail of agony.

"Yuna! Watch your language missy!" I drawled, hoping I wouldn't provoke her further. She pouted with petulance only the inebriated could manage, before sticking her tongue out at me.

"I was just copying you…" She muttered bitterly, making me wish that I hadn't suddenly become the role model for the deeply impressionable.

"That's nice…" Paine interrupted, eyes and tone telling us to shut up or do something useful, "and?"

"We're gonna take it back! No one messes with the Winggulls! Er… the Guwwlings! Us!" She concluded, after racking her alcohol sodden brain and coming up empty.

"And what about Vegnagun?" Paine shot back evilly, knowing that the poor ex-summoner probably couldn't even READ the word, let alone remember what it was. As expected, Yuna took on an expression of deep consternation.

"He's smelly?" She asked as much as replied, making me half sigh, half chuckle. I strolled over and whispered in her ear, before winking conspiratorially, -to which Yuna blinked back, as she couldn't quite work separate eyelids at the current moment in time- and pushing her into her audience. "We're forgetting who we are! We're sphere hunters! The Dullwings!" She cried, pumping the air with her fist like some peppy cheerleader and almost overbalancing in the process.

"It'll do…" I announced in exasperation, giggling when Yuna tried to high-five Paine and stacked it rather badly.

"That's right! We steal back what is stolen. It is the law of the sphere hunter! Now we go to Chateau Leblanc! We attack in the name of honor!" Brother shouted, which made me aware that he'd finally come out of his flesh-induced catatonia.

"Get our heinies kicked in the name of honour…" Shinra mumbled, and I had to bite my lip to stifle a giggle.

"We should go in disguise!" Yuna shouted ecstatically, and I was taken aback at how those who were drunk as newts could still hit the jackpot on the idea front. "I wanna be a giant Marlboro that goes… er… how do they go? Oh yeah! ARRRR!" She cried, flailing as if she'd suddenly sprouted the desired amount of tentacles. I smiled wryly, having discovered that, as with most gambling, total fluke more than came into play.

"That's it! Yuna, you are brilliant!" Brother crowed, slapping a hand warmly onto her shoulder and taking it no further when I pulled out my large particle converter.

"If slightly deranged when under the influence." Gippal concluded swiftly, wrapping one arm around my bare shoulders and using the other to lower my weapon.

"Fine…" I acquiesced, "So, we just have to fly around until we find some suitable cronies-" I finished vaguely.

"Beat them up and steal their uniforms?" Paine finished for me.

"Seven of them!" Yuna added, before leaping haphazardly onto Gippal's back and demanding that he trot up the mountain. Gippal, who was still semi-latched onto me, used my person as a counterbalance, so the only one that ended up with a face-full of dirt and dust-bunnies was, as per usual, poor, defenceless Rikku, who really didn't deserve this on top of everything else, at least in my oft-ignored opinion!

"Seeing as we still have to get to Bikanel, let's start our search there; we can sleep tonight and leave the Celsius on auto, which sounds like a good plan to me." I stated wearily, levering myself slowly onto my elbows. "Safer than letting Brother pilot anyhow…" I muttered. Stretching out my injured spine, I leaned forward, putting my weight onto my toes, and righted myself with less trouble than I'd come to associate with the simple task of standing. No one seemed energetic enough to challenge my authority, apart from Yuna, but she was too preoccupied with getting Gippal to: Giddy-up cowboy…

Fighting back a grin, I offered my outstretched hand to Shinra, who gratefully accepted the opportunity. After he'd scrambled around onto my back and made himself comfortable, and of course handed me his precious textbook on Quantum Mechanics for bedtime reading, I made our excuses and decided to get out of the madhouse as quickly as I was able to.

I'd noticed that Yuna had decided to follow us as covertly as she was able, when Gippal emitted a wheezing screech. Turning to analyse the situation, she'd pulled a wee bit too hard on the reins about his throat and almost garrotted him. However, knowing how volatile those who had consumed a heck of a lot of alcohol could be, I wisely pretended not to notice. Not even when Gippal gave me a pleading look with the express purpose of turning on a switch in every woman's mind to save and comfort the wretched little puppy being so harshly maltreated.

The only thing that stopped me from bodily removing Yuna from her saddle was the small detail that it was Gippal pulling the face, which meant that he could more than fend for himself against the ladies. Even if this particular lady had unfaltering belief that he was merely a plaything for her own sadistic amusement, he was a big boy, and maybe Yuna could remember their 'safety word'.

I snorted in amusement and shifted the dead weight that was a dozing Shinra, desperately attempting to not jostle him too much, cos he woke up crankier than an Ahriman with conjunctivitis. Depositing the pintsize genius on his bunk, I gently removed his mittens and boots, discarding them on his bedside table. Finishing the rest of my tasks efficiently, I concluded the process by tucking him in under his blankets, while my free fingers tugged at the buckles holding his helmet sealed. Triumph coming better late than never, the headgear joined the growing pile, giving me a rare glimpse of the adorable Al Bhed child. His hereditary sun-kissed skin was beginning to lose its intensity, softening the contrast with his mussed up golden hair. Sleepy emerald eyes blinked up at me and I smiled warmly back, brushing one of his bangs behind an ear.

"Where were we, sweetie?" I asked, highly tempted to hug and squeeze Shinra to death when he smiled dazedly back to me.

"Magnetic properties of multiple-electron atoms…" He muttered, while I tried to take in the information long enough to find the reference. I felt the thin mattress sag slightly and turned to meet the wide, frightening eyes of the Lady Yuna. Smiling briefly at the prospect of another willing participant to the drama, I pushed forward.

"Last night, we were talking about the three-dimensional spaces the electrons fluctuate about, right?" I asked, pleased at Shinra's nod of confirmation and highly amused at Yuna looking at me like I'd switched to Al Bhed to confuse her. "Rather redundantly, because the electron moves in what looks like an orbital wave function we term this: the orbital motion of the electron." I drawled, giggling as Yuna tried to mimic the motion in the book by flailing about like a stewardess highlighting the emergency exits on a commercial airship flight. "However, the electron may possess an internal motion of some kind, one which is independent of its motion through space. Since the electron bears a charge, such an internal motion, if it does exist, might be expected to generate a magnetic moment." I said, trying to fathom how the heck they could make the sentence: it's like a really small magnet, seem so Ifrit damned complicated. Yunie obviously agreed with me, as she got out our trusty Mr. Moomba hand puppet and announced in the stupidest voice available to her:

"I'm an electron!"

After I was done laughing, I attempted to rediscover my place on a page that never seemed to end. Shinra had taken my silence for a dramatic pause and was waiting on tenterhooks, which meant it was pretty darned scintillating seeing as two minutes ago he'd barely been conscious.

"We have previously pointed out that when an electron is in an atomic orbital for which, or is not equal to zero, the resultant angular motion of the electron gives rise to a magnetic moment. We would anticipate then that an electron in an _s_ orbital (_l _0) should not exhibit any magnetic effects as its angular momentum is zero." I paused when I noticed Gippal and Yuna animatedly scribbling on a piece of paper out of the corner of my eye. Leaning over with no real subtlety, I discovered that Gippal was actually illustrating the electron transitions and configurations, as well as how they were affected by the varying nuclei in the different forms of atom. I grudgingly admitted defeat; I was no longer the master quantum mechanic storyteller. Yuna had just doodled a family of what looked to be atoms if she'd used a heck of a lot of artistic license, well, either atoms or rain clouds with eyes… standing in a merry little line outside their house, equipped with two windows, a triangle roof and a smoking chimney. Snorting slightly as I brandished the masterpiece in front of Shinra, who quirked a flaxen eyebrow in acknowledgement of Gippal's worthiness to call himself a rival, I decided to press on again, before Yuna's limited attention span left her and I was forced to attempt to tucker her out. "If an electron in these circumstances did exhibit a magnetic effect, it would indicate that another type of motion was possible, presumably an internal one. Whether or not an electron in an _s_ orbital does possess a magnetic moment may be determined by means of an atomic beam experiment…" I trailed off as Shinra's eyes flickered closed and smiled softly. "Similar to the one previously described." I concluded quietly, shutting the great leather-bound tome as noiselessly as I could. Leaning forward, I grazed my lips across his forehead, before double-checking that he was adequately snug in his cocoon of blankets. I turned around, beaming affectionately at Gippal, who was staring with a lack of any real comprehension. Maternal glow quickly dissipating into utter awkwardness, I started to bounce on the balls of my feet.

"That was… unexpected…" He stated reticently, making me feel wearier than I already was.

"Surprisingly Gippal, I can keep a child alive for more than five seconds when it is left in my care. I can participate in more beneficial, responsible actions than gambling him away to cover the debts of my secret penchant for opium." I drawled scathingly, resting my hand against the back of my skull in a vain attempt to work some of the kinks out of my spine.

"I just meant that you seemed like the independent, child-free sort to me…" He muttered back sulkily, no doubt mentally soothing his wounded pride.

"Jumping to conclusions will one day lead to a slap in the face and an overdue goodbye, so don't sell me short." I replied with mock-sternness, giggling when Gippal appeared to physically bite his tongue to prevent the automatic malicious comeback forming on his lips. I strolled over to windows, seemingly opaque against the lack of pallid illumination from the moon disguised by cloud.

Sighing as I began to swallow down the remaining vestiges of infernal pride, a metallic shimmering caught my eye and I frowned. Stretching to reach the small panel integrated onto the airship wall, I flicked on the exterior lights, expecting a random Hazhe wanting its arse handed back to it on a silver platter. Gippal had noticed my newest distraction, so he was already peering out of the window when I returned to my position. He was also giggling as loudly as he was able to without waking up Shinra. My line of sight was quickly adopted in the general direction of Gippal's vision, and realisation dawned.

Spelt out in literally life-size letters was the complete extent of Paine's fury. The soldiers she had placed in pretty little lines had been tied together to form the large, irate phrase of: DROP DEAD 'LAI, YOU JERKASS!

The comma and apostrophe looked to be made from the boots Paine had stolen from one soldier unknowingly suffering from chilblains right about now, and the stops under the exclamation points had been substituted for the little helmets she'd also been lugging around whilst muttering her vexation to the world and knocking back a fair amount of vodka that could burn a hole through reinforced concrete.

My stunned horror had unfortunately not subsided until we were airborne, and that was only because panic took over when the letters slowly became smaller and smaller as we made our ascent. Fully aware that there was no way Brother was going to turn back short of bloody murder; I sighed and brutally smashed my head against the window pane. I regretted it instantly, as I just bounced back off the bullet proof glass, rebounding into Gippal and knocking us both unceremoniously to the ground.

"Kidnapping, attempted bodily harm and death threats, all to the same individual, in ONE DAY!" I moaned into Gippal's chest, grabbing a brace in each hand, purely for the sake of being able to crush something in my tensing fists. "We need to get you out of here as soon as is physically possible, if the Machine Faction gets labelled as an accomplice of the Gullwings you're gonna lose a lot of business from our buddies in New Yevon AND the Youth League." I warned, far too aware of the ramifications of my actions. I was not going to ruin all of Gippal's hard work and make the only respected Al Bhed association an accessory to a failed assassination attempt. My lower lip started to quiver until I forcibly told myself to suck it up, but I couldn't relax my grip, regardless of mental threatening.

"I don't think it'll help, what with asking the 'target' to be our best man." Gippal replied amusedly, smiling at me warmly for trying anyhow.

"There is a chance that he'll keep quiet… what with the fact that I didn't actually attack him." I shot back peevishly, cursing the Praetor for a wimp as well as a fool. "Wasn't my fault he can't handle a confession of undying love…" I muttered, growling softly at how everything had gone so pear-shaped so damned quickly.

"Confession of undying love? Yevon almighty, you do know how to stroke a man's ego…" Gippal interrupted harshly, pushing up on his hands to stand up and brush me off. I hadn't yet realised that I was still hanging on for dear life, so I was dragged along for the ride, squeaking fearfully and locking my ankles over his hips. "So, what'd you do, turn on the mega-watt smile, start fiddling with a braid and look up at him through your pretty lashes?" He demanded angrily, whilst attempting to pry my white knuckle grip from his front, eventually giving up and settling upon the next course of action, which just happened to be glaring at me in an unforgiving manner.

We stayed like this for quite a while, him staring at me like he wanted to tear my legs off and beat me with them, and me staring back blankly, trying to work out why the hell he was so angry that Paine wanted a boyfriend. I forced another piece of the mental jigsaw into place, pummelling it in further with my fist when it didn't seem to want to fit. Coming to my flawed conclusion, I decided to glare back just as hard, removing one hand from his braces to pull back his eye patch as far as the elastic would allow, releasing it cruelly, snarling through a smirk when I heard the satisfying snap and consequent yelp.

"Just cos you can't handle the fact that every now and again there comes a woman that won't fall head over heels for a devil-may-care smirk and a predatory, feline gaze, doesn't mean that you're gonna get my support when you bitch about it!" I spat back, shrieking in indignant rage and pain when he returned the favour by wrenching down hard on my hair.

"How am I the one to blame for your scarlet woman behaviour?" He irately questioned, breathing deeply as we both continued to fume.

"You leave the Ixion damned hickey out of this; it has nothing to do with anything!" I screeched, raking my nails across the hand that was still tugging at my hair.

"Am I supposed to be proud that you managed to negotiate the collar or something? Cos I'm sure as hell not!" He snapped back, pinching the skin pulled tight across my knuckles as I retracted my nails, brow furrowing.

"You don't HAVE a collar you stupid jackass! The armour barely even reaches your neck!" I thundered, proving my point by pressing hard on the bruise, not allowing the time taken to smirk as he hissed. His eye tried to focus on my finger, going cross-eyed in the midst of its attempt before admitting defeat.

"You confessed for Paine, didn't you?" He more stated than asked, groaning when I nodded mutely.

"Sorry…" I uttered meekly, feeling utterly sheepish that I'd jumped to the conclusion I'd been prattling on about hypocritically not even five minutes ago.

"We're probably unhealthily jealous and possessive, aren't we?" He asked embarrassedly, the blush staining his face becoming more prominent when I traced the rosy infusion across one prominent cheek bone with my index finger.

"At least it can rather blatantly spell out that I care." I concluded softly, brushing my thumb against the pronounced hollow of one cheek as my hand cupped his face. My legs unwound from about his waist and my hands easily rested against his shoulders as he smiled back at me.

"I know that it's not all that flashy, and that women want some sort of diamond to commemorate, well… whatever the hell this is… but… uh… here." He muttered sheepishly whilst wrenching my hand from his shoulder, none too gently I might add, and slipping something on my finger. Quirking an eyebrow in amusement, more due to Gippal's stuttering and awkwardness than to his spasmodic manipulation, even though that was pretty damned funny too, I glanced down suspiciously. My vision was enchanted by the many facets of Macalania crystal, each shard catching the light hypnotically as I proceeded to gawp. "You didn't like the idea of the bet… so Barkeep traded me the Bit for this… if you don't like it I could always… er…" He trailed off rather pathetically and my heart started to melt at his rare moment of thoughtfulness. He was about to start back-pedalling furiously, I could easily identify the panicked, tempestuous emotions swimming through his eye; so I covered his mouth with my hand.

"It's beautiful… thank you Gippal." I uttered softly, removing my hand from its clasped position over his mouth and replacing it with my lips. Pulling back reluctantly, as always, I had to spoil the moment by yawning humiliatingly loudly, displaying a truly horrifying view of tonsils the size of a pair of Moogles' pompoms. Gippal snickered quietly, before brushing a chaste kiss against my forehead.

"Goodnight, Princess." He whispered, before turning back to the small chair that he'd set up shop in earlier. Brother hadn't exactly done his best to be accommodating, but as I looked to my ring finger, I realised that there was no way I was letting Gippal sleep in a chair hard-pressed to fit Shinra. Grabbing him by the hand, I wrenched him bodily back, hopping over the unconscious Yuna, keeled over and snoring beside Shinra's bunk. I proceeded to tug my stunned fiancé up the stairs, adopting a scandalised expression when I noticed Paine, sitting up against the headboard of her bed, looking rather more threatening than usual with the BAYONET she was sharpening against a whetstone.

"I'm not leaving, and I'm DEFINITELY not watching, so behave yourself Gippal." She warned, gesturing with her sharp and pointy object.

"He doesn't need threatening Paine; he knows that if his hands wander he won't HAVE them in the morning." I replied, smirking evilly, while wondering briefly how Paine had rubbed off on me so much in such a short period of time. "Anyways, I'm gonna pick Yunie up off of the floor, so Gippal, go find some 'jammies' or something…" I snorted, an action that Paine copied milliseconds later, and began another short trek down the stairs.

Though heavier than I was, the High Summoner was still pretty skinny, so I managed to haul her over my shoulder without too much trouble. I must've jolted her a bit too much though, because she started muttering something about magestical prawns and satellite dishes, which I resolved to ask her about come the morning. Having journeyed up the stairs for the umpteenth time today, I dumped the contentedly babbling Summoner on her bunk, lugging her boots off with no real gentleness. Deciding that I couldn't be arsed to physically change her clothes, I heaved the duvet over her snoring form, making sure she was firmly balanced on her side, cos I didn't want to explain to Pops that I'd been too distracted in bed with my fiancé while his favourite niece asphyxiated on her own vomit. Hefting an empty wicker bin to her bedside, I decided that I'd behaved as responsibly as I needed to for one night.

Turning round, I started to cackle at the image before me, namely Gippal in snow-white boxers emblazoned with crimson hearts.

"Please tell me those are NOT yours." I managed to get out through guffaws. Gippal was not amused however, as he continued to sulk silently while I tried to sneakily appraise his semi-naked self. The white of his heart-printed fashion abomination made his skin appear even darker, and the delectable state of his mussed hair and tired looking eye wasn't doing my self-control any good.

"You seem to like them well enough Cid's Girl…" He finally replied snippily, causing Paine to snicker from her bed on the far side of the loft-area. I blushed so deep my skin was almost purple, and tried to make whatever excuse I could.

"I've had them for years now; at least they went to their rightful owner in the end." Paine supplied cryptically, making my curiosity override my humiliation for the moment.

"Translation, please?" I asked, trying not to become too damnably aware of the burning flesh suddenly pressed against my back, or the arms locked firmly in place around my midriff.

"I destroyed his favourite pair; I apparently owed the man a new set." She said with a shrug, and I felt Gippal subconsciously tense.

"APPARENTLY?" He demanded petulantly, expression causing Paine to grin.

"It was your own fault anyway…" She muttered, obviously wanting the discussion to be over.

"How is it my fault that you set me alight?" He deadpanned. My jaw sagged and stared at Paine for confirmation.

"You were bullying Baralai, you know he's too pathetic and chivalrous to fend for himself." Paine reprimanded sternly, before remembering that she was not on speaking terms with said Baralai, so she just pouted.

"He clubbed me round the head with a TREE LIMB while you weren't looking!" Gippal shouted defiantly, though it was funny that while he was doing so it still appeared like he was cowering behind a little girl practically half his size.

"So you said, then Baralai called you a 'liar liar pants on fire', if I remember correctly." Paine drawled, lips turning up at the corners.

"Yes, then you replied: 'No wonder Nooj calls us brats', and proceeded to pull my trousers down and set fire to my backside." Gippal sputtered indignantly, while I wondered whether to rally on his behalf or laugh until I died of oxygen deprivation.

"Hence proving 'Lai's point; like he'd actually have the guts to hit you…" Paine snorted at the apparent absurdity of the idea.

"He hit me with the branch you dipped into the campfire to incinerate me." Gippal sulked, defiant to the last, and I guessed he could be, seeing as I was the meat-shield and all… Paine just snickered quietly and snuffed out her bedside lamp, ending the discussion with a curt 'goodnight'. I turned in the dim light to my positively aghast fiancé, patting him consolingly on the shoulder.

"Hog the blanket and you're a dead man." I simpered, launching myself onto my small, uncomfortable bed.

"Yes ma'am…" Gippal muttered acerbically, and was therefore rewarded with a pillow to the face.

"Thanks, just what I needed!" He chirped back, plonking himself on the other side of the narrow mattress, leaving me without the solitary pillow the bed possessed.

_-Smart move Rikku…_-

"You don't mind if I snore, right?" He asked cheekily, an action which irked me to the point of grinding my teeth viciously together, just as Gippal had intended.

This was going to be a long night…


	11. Chapter Eleven: Secrets, Serenades

**A/N: To those of you that still remember me, and if none of you do, I can hardly take offence, I have returned! I finally had time to write, and of course I got writer's block... I couldn't bear to give you guys an utterly sub-par chapter, especially when everything I seemed to put down on paper wasn't remotely structured or even coherent. When I finally found that I was able to write again, as well as I ever could, at any rate, my computer broke. No joke... It corrupted my floppy disk with 5,185 words of text on it, and I had to start all over again cos I severely doubted that you guys were fluent in squares and gibberish. Then, the problem was in uploading the chapter. Tonight, I developed a cunning plan to e-mail each document from two different machines; using a wireless connection that I had to hold up to the heavens to pacify, to find out that I'd sent the wrong darned document after nearly an hour of struggling. Just to spite me, I caught sight of one of those nifty wand things... and the situation was resolved in under five minutes... -sheepish- **

**And as I've forgotten: UNADULTERATED SAP WARNING! THE CUTENESS WILL EAT YOU!**

**-Rikku SWiRLS-**_ I was seriously weighing up the pros and cons of the quota... but then I realised that I'm not doing this for compliments. I really, truly appreciate that you guys, and you give me all the motivation I need... More reviewers would probably inflate my ego to a size rivalling Gippal's... lol_

**-Emmy-miester-**_ Ooooh... guessing games... I'll be totally vague and hazard a guess at between 15-16? I'd be way more comfortable using a demographic of 5-95, but that doesn't say as much for my psychic prowess, -giggles- I had to do right by Paine last chapter, cos I'd made her so mean before... well, she's still mean, but in an amusing sort of way which almost validates her actions... Poor, unfortunate, half-dead Baralai..._

**-K-Jaye-**_ Feel free to use Paine's harebrained scheme, I like you too much to sue you, andI won't tell Square-Enix if you don't,lol. I hope this chapter's any good... I think I've gotten rusty at writing the characters, it's been so long... but getting back into the habit shouldn't be too hard, says she who forgot to update for months on end..._

**-oOoDancingQueenoOo-**_ Thanks for the lovely review! Hope you enjoy this next... hideously overdue chapter!_

**-Mandeth-**_ Thank you so much for saying that -grins- my reviewers are so nice! I know I started on a totally over-used plot point, but I needed some sort of ultimatum to hurl them both together, because otherwise they wouldn't have interacted enough during the main story of the game, and the wedding idea popped into my head shortly after the comment about 'Gippal spawn'. So there you have it! It's completely the fault of a single one-liner, so don't blame me! lol, the rest of it's relatively original though, I hope... -nervous laughter- Enjoy the next chapter!_

**Disclaimer:**_ Don't own Final Fantasy, but I DO have a shiny new PSP -thrusts console to the monitor- The lyrics used are mine as well, so don't expect me to allocate ownership to most of the future melodic numbers;don't think you're getting an explanation of what the convoluted mess actually MEANS either, we'll just be here way too long..._

**Chapter Eleven: Secrets, Serenades and Spooning Bards**

While Gippal was languishing in an infinitely larger amount of comfort than he deserved, I was vainly attempting to shimmy as far away as was physically possible. The mattress had been created by some freak with a sadistic streak rivalling that of Seymour 'having antennae is oh-so-fashionable' Guado, to make it a tight squeeze for a single person, let alone two, especially when I was hell-bent on the notion that no physical contact whatsoever was to be allowed. It was already humiliating enough that I was wearing my brother's 'Lady Yuna' print boxers; even if he had insisted that they weren't contaminated, I didn't get much of a peaceful easy feeling having my cousin's face dotted about my general crotch area.

That was just another nail in the coffin of my financial survival though; I mean, heck, I'm pretty sure they'd started selling 'Lady Yuna Toilet Seat Covers' by now, and Yuna had turned down 25 percent of royalties in order to donate all of that enticing hard cash to every charity on the face of Spira. Hence, the pennies had been frittered away on even more do-gooding, which gets old, oh-so-very quickly, especially when there come days when I have to go out and murder my victuals. I'm talking: stroll out in the middle of the night armed with only a disturbingly rusted potato masher and a spatula, or maybe a makeshift spear if I feel the need to tie said spatula to a stick. One night, Paine actually discovered me attempting to harpoon an unfortunate Sahagin, camouflaged with all manners of foliage in my hair and with skin painted with truly random stripes of colour… Unsurprisingly, she hasn't let me go out again unsupervised, for fear of someone actually… seeing me.

Plus, as if my embarrassment wasn't already at a critical enough plateau of mortification; Paine had lent me a camisole, which, combined with the boxers, proved to make me appear even more disturbing. Trust me, mixing kitschy merchandise with black satin and lace makes one big fashion faux pas. Not saying that the top wasn't ridiculously gorgeous; the frills gracing the sweetheart neckline gave a touch of femininity to Paine's wardrobe _-one that I'd never seen before-_ while the vermillion gauze alternating in vertical pinstripes with the satin guaranteed the attire as still highly suitable for a gothic siren. Unfortunately… being blonde, bubbly, and not quite as pale as a cadaver, it kinda means that I didn't really do the garment much justice, being neither gothic nor siren. It didn't help that I was rather hopelessly drowning when it came to the chest area, and without the feeble straps I had to yank up every few seconds, give or take, it was gonna have to stay up by willpower alone.

Gippal didn't look to be experiencing sunshine and daisies in their totality, however, as he kept shifting uncomfortably when he wasn't fiddling with the elastic of his eye patch. At first, I was just unnecessarily smug, cos in my line of work, you had to find sadistic enjoyment where you could; but after an agonising span of tossing, turning and quiet muttering, I was more irritated than amused. Rolling over, a move which I miscalculated badly, seeing as I ended up daintily plastered alongside my antsy bedfellow; I at least managed to distract him some, seeing as his attention was now occupied in matching me in obstinacy in order for my camisole to fall to half mast. I snorted and pinched him, something he thoroughly deserved, for his lechery, and then sighed dramatically when he resumed his habitual worrying of the elastic holding the patch to his face.

"Off!" I hissed quietly, holding my palm outstretched whilst adopting my authority figure expression. At first, Gippal was clueless, and I was about to begin the long, painful process of clarification, but then oblivion was snatched away and his jaw went slack.

"Nuh-uh" He whispered petulantly back, jutting out his lower lip in a masterful pout that I knew was going to give me a run for my money.

"Gippal…" I muttered warningly, "If you don't hand it over right now, I swear I'll shove it where the sun doesn't shine; and if you make some stupid quip about it being night time, I won't pull my punches, and you'll be able to fish that bloody patch out of your throat come the morning." I concluded with a feral growl, coupled with a stony glare of epic proportions.

"But it's ugly…" He sulked, rather pathetically. "Not even 'Lai or Dr. P have seen it…" He finished, almost brokenly. I was torn between either bursting into tears at the fact that he had insecurities I couldn't help him with; or slapping him upside the head for being so damned impractical.

"Didn't you think this would become an issue when we'd sleep together on a regular basis?" I asked, blushing furiously when his face snapped up so he could grin roguishly at me. "Mind out of the gutter, thank you very much…" I interrupted snippily, "Did you think I'd actually have the patience to watch you fidget until one of us passed out from exhaustion?" I demanded quietly. "If you're going to be childish about it, I'd get you a paper bag to wear; if I didn't already know you'd make even more of a commotion than you are now by rustling…" I concluded peevishly, gesturing again with my open palm. Smiling slightly when I felt the infernal material brush my fingertips, all thoughts of victory evaporated when I gazed into both of Gippal's eyes for the very first time.

I held his stare, entranced by the mournful streak of dead tissue that bisected his eye from one flaxen brow and retreated to nestle beneath fine, shadowy lashes. The scar had been as straight as a surgical incision when inflicted, but the flesh had been knit back together crookedly, giving the wound jagged edges that added to the fury of the burgundy contrast to tanned skin. The once emerald iris had dimmed to a lifeless, murky grey, barely distinguishable from the filmy pupil languidly floating at the origin of the dead pool. His expression was guarded, but the way his lips continued to twitch, rethinking his excuses, I realised that he thought I was judging him. Resting my hand gently over his left eye, my face fell as the orb's cadaver continued to stare unseeingly into the depths of my being. "You can't see me, can you?" I choked, swallowing down my tears as the digits opposite traced the puckered surface of flesh that couldn't feel. Fingers laced through mine; strongly, deliberately, and my shock felt palpable to me.

"I've always seen you, Rikku." He said, turning his face and casting his right eye into shadow.

Now, seeing as Gippal and I are rather, unorthodox at best, and just plain confusing for the majority, even though the unspoken romantic offer was about as tempting as sticking a Gysahl Green in front of a starving Chocobo with masking tape wrapped around its beak, I wasn't exactly gonna up and jump aboard the bandwagon of a clichéd, not to mention sappy, happy romance ending.

I'm not actually being cynical about that though… Not many things live up to my expectations, but even if I had broken down into pathetic, stereotypical damsel in distress sobs, and let him usher me up in his arms, I'm pretty sure that the finale would be climactic and hyperbolic enough to win awards for most barf-inducing mush. It's apparent from the way we interact, even on a platonic level… I mean, the way Gippal moves, talks; he has something to prove, and you'd damn well better be watching when he works his magic. He is well aware that he's good, and he wants everyone around to know that too, because he'll take as much as he can get and doesn't leave room for leeway. He's so competitive; he refuses to let someone else deliver the final comeback, because only he may convey the crushing blow, and if he doesn't? The extremely limited experiences I've had of putting the man in his place don't do much at all to dispel the notion that Gippal is a sore loser. A long time ago, back at Home in fact… well before I got lumbered with that idiotic crush, he actually had the audacity to disable Pops' state of the art, 'impregnable', his words, not mine, security system; just so he could dangle a freaking HUGE rubber tarantula over my face as I slept. It'll suffice to say, that when I woke up, due to the vexing itchy thing skittering across my forehead, I proceeded to scream the whole neighbourhood down.

Some of you; and by you I have no idea who I'm even talking to anymore… maybe the little people in lab-coats in my brain? Well… inter-cranial staff or whatever? Listen up, cos one of you nose-less wonders that can still somehow support spectacles on your faces, which does rather freak me out by the way, better be paying attention! Right… well

Seeing as now would be an approximately beneficial time to halt the raving psychobabble about the wee figment folk that live inside my skull, I'll attempt misdirection, fail miserably and then maybe get back on topic. The misdirection part is mainly due to the fact that my pathetic, virginal self is unwilling to flush to the tips of my ears; unwanted after-effects of uttering a short, three letter noun that still makes me giggle like a schoolgirl when I am forced to address its vast concepts, so there's your feeble explanation for rambling harmlessly on about sentence structure for a little while.

Ok, fine, my equally schizophrenic, -_seeing as: d'uh, it's still me, who else would be listening in on my thoughts? Oh good Yevon above! My brain has been bugged! Someone get me a colander, a coat hanger and some tin foil, stat!- _audience seems to have had more patience bestowed upon them than the other half, i.e. me again, so of course I'm gonna blab everything to stop an awkward silence from descending.

Er… for the normal people out there, who can't possibly inhabit my brain; you know who I'm talking about, cos self-actualisation is important or something: Scratch quite a fair bit of my previous one woman conversation, I'll start again. As I was saying, if I ever let my grip on my mental faculties slip more than it already had, and say, for example, I did something really unconstructive, like, I don't know… boink him…

At this point I'm laughing nervously and my lust-object in question has been given good reason to stare confusedly at me, but I've started now, so I can pat him on the head and insult him once I've ploughed on for a sufficient period of time.

Well, if one thing led to another and another led to the smexing? I'm pretty sure it would blow my fragile little mind, not that the prospect is all that taxing to implement and achieve. Now, this isn't because my head is filled with fluff and sugar hearts; I'm really not expecting some big, overblown romantic gesture, dinner, dancing; _-definitely not the dancing, because I'm sure I'd mince his feet into confetti-_ heck, if I got flowers I'd be more suspicious than prone to melting into a puddle of adoring goo at his feet. In all actuality it'll probably be in this stupid, too tiny bunk, whilst wearing a hotchpotch of clothing genres, none of which actually comes close to fitting me by the way, and it'll still be fantastic cos we'll be us. We'll banter back and forth, I will threaten him with bodily harm, Brother or Paine will wake up and attack Gippal, and that'll be my first sexual situation that I will definitely not be writing home about.

Not that I write home… it'd be pretty sodding difficult, what with the fact that Pops is practically a nomad, and the weensy fact that if I told him about my average day, he'd march me back to whichever tent he now inhabits and I wouldn't be let out in public again 'til I was 35. Anyways, it'd be… for lack of a decent adjective, nice. I'm finding that these stupid 'like' related feelings of mine, which aren't all that platonic anymore; not that they ever really were, are pretty much evolving with each second I spend in his oh-so-majestic company. These feelings are becoming all encompassing, and I'm horrified and disappointed that I seem to be falling so hard so damned fast, because I'm a proud, feministic spinster, gosh-darn-it! Well, spinster yes, feminist, not-so-much… Feminists are usually sophisticated, and way more willing to whip out a machete if someone opens a door and ushers them in first. I like the happy middle ground, you know, between my reactionary cousin and well… Paine…

But, as I've now remembered; the almighty leader of the Machine Faction has said something that could make a lesser woman swoon, and probably a greater one too. I have responded in kind by giggling, as if to signify a premature warning that I will be vacating the immediate area within the next thirty seconds and neither hell nor high water is going to impede me. That's what makes me such a diehard romantic… I can kill the mood before I even know it's there.

"Sorry!" I hissed, furtively glancing around to judge everyone's apparent states of wakefulness. "I wasn't giggling at you, I promise!" I concluded feebly, because it was still preferable to informing the man of my ever-present interior monologues, weighing up the pros and cons of instigating something I probably shouldn't be instigating. Judging by the way he's quirked an eyebrow, and the small, long suffering smirk he's giving me, I don't think he's taken offence.

"Don't worry about it; it's hysterical watching you talk to yourself. You kind of tilt your head to and fro like you do when you're summing up the best way to dismantle a machina without getting your clothes dirty, and you were ticking things off on your fingers, like when you're lecturing your family, or me, and of course you were masquerading as some sort of scarlet object for the majority of the internal conversation, and you're ridiculously cute when you're embarrassed." He chuckled, mimicking my supposed actions, with the exception of the blushing, seeing as the man had no shame, which I didn't take kindly to. I almost wanted to tell him that he'd lost his chance to get some tonight, but he'd probably be more than satisfied with holding the fact that I'd even considered it over my head for the next ten years of my pathetic existence. "Awwww… ickle Cid's Girl is pouting!" He cooed sarcastically, tickling my chin for good measure; his hand quickly retreated when I gnashed my teeth together, narrowly missing his outstretched finger.

"Don't you think it's really sad that whenever you say something genuinely sweet, or romantic; you just give into temptation almost immediately and open your mouth again? Hence ruining the moment I've painstakingly fought to create; so my mood will deteriorate, the situation will degenerate, and I'll end up punching you." I commented, concluding my observation by pointedly staring at him, nonplussed. Gippal just grinned in return, as if proving me wrong was one of his true joys. I'm pretty sure that and humiliating me were his prime sources of amusement, but I doubted if he realised that his success warranted my own as well, because when he competes, everything else but winning becomes a secondary concern.

If he was single-minded enough to keep quiet, he'd get bored within ten minutes and probably knock himself out as a counter-measure, enabling me to follow suit and get some shut eye before the birds started to chirp obnoxiously. Sleep would probably fix my brain, or at least abet the need to converse with imaginary tenants that had taken up shop inside my cranium, and a few shots of java would keep me hyper and distracted enough to not linger on my thoughts and feelings for the stupid git across from me, so I could postpone analysing whether I truly wanted to marry him, or bury him instead if the situation called for it.

"Go to sleep." I huffed, turning my back to him as I hunched up in a futile attempt to conserve some space. As always, Gippal decided to foil my well laid plans as he dragged me back to the centre of the mattress, wrapping both arms about my midriff and smugly resting his chin on top of my head. I was quite sure that by this stage I was developing a facial tic, but the circumstances, and my pride, dictated that I wasn't to move a muscle, clobber him with a blunt instrument, or inform Paine, who would do the clobbering for me, free of charge.

I yawned loudly, wondering why I'd only just remembered that I was knackered, but Gippal was deceptively warm and snuggly, and the position was a hell of a lot more accommodating now that he was gentlemanly enough to share the pillow, and I had room to breathe, so I didn't dwell on it.

The rise and fall of his chest, acting in tandem with the metronomic beating of his heart was almost hypnotising. The sensation was pleasant, in a novel way, I guess, but I wasn't about to analyse anything much because my eyes were having problems remaining open.

"Goodnight, Princess." He whispered, exhalation softly stirring a few loose golden hairs.

"What, no bedtime story?" I demanded sardonically, snickering as Gippal adopted a lopsided grin. "I know; that'd be too cliché, and you do so pride yourself on your originality," I simpered, batting my eyes in a manner I hoped was flirtatious, as opposed to looking like I was trying to hastily expel some sort of little creature from where it was drowning in the saline film draped across my eyeball. Or looking like I was suffering a particularly violent, hallucinogen induced wig-out session, which, as a deduction, probably isn't quite as absurd as it sounds; especially if I'm somehow involved in the scenario. "How's about my tarnished knight trades his sodding huge tuba-gun for a lute and becomes a bard?" I drawled, attempting to enlarge my eyes exponentially, snorting slightly at a returning image of plumed hats and hosiery. Gippal seemed quite indignant about the 'tuba' comment, but then he devolved back into an almost perpetual state of mild bewilderment, which I couldn't really blame him for. Hence, in another infrequent bout of pity, I decided it'd be more genial to just spell it out. "Daddy's little Princess wants you to sing her a lullaby!" I gurgled merrily, cutesifying my words until I didn't sound much of a far cry away from the Igor/Elmo rendition of the afternoon. Thankfully, this afternoon seemed like it had happened years ago, so the humiliation was actually starting to fade some.

Gippal, taking my sarcasm with a pinch of salt, continued to appear bemused, which wasn't saying much for his versatility. Then, a slow, wicked grin permeated through his features and I swallowed hard.

"Kinda kinky, isn't it; calling me Daddy?" He purred, fighting back outright laughter as my jaw dropped like someone had pressed the call button at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Vowing to keep noise to a minimum, even if I very much wanted Paine to come and rip the man a new breathing hole; I took matters into my own hands and slapped him upside the head. Gippal, to his credit, and infinite damnability, just smirked wider.

"I'm not YOUR Princess, and I'm definitely NOT kinky!" I hissed, continuing my assault, well… flailing, until I rather resembled a wild-woman beating a blonde, hairy, cackling bongo.

"How you wound me, Cid's Girl!" He cried melodramatically, splaying the back of his hand against his forehead and swooning. I giggled slightly, fully aware that he was attempting to sidetrack me from the prospect of making him caterwaul for my own private amusement. The last time I'd heard him sing was when he'd hacked one of Pops' machina, an activity that occupied most of his first decade of demonic existence; using a portable microphone to feed the connection to the amplifiers in the metallic contraption whilst fiddling with a radio-wave based joystick, which of course was used to dictate and override the primary motor functions of the poor, abused machine.

Pop's had been giving a lecture on his new breed of super-machina, when suddenly said super-machina leapt merrily to its feet and started to tap-dance, screeching in a tinny soprano –the boy was only nine at the time, so it's more adorable than creepy- a myriad of Al Bhed show-tunes.

Seeing as I'm slightly masochistic, I'll take the refresher course: there was a DAMN good reason why my tribe never involved themselves in the theatre arts, and those show-tunes contributed heartily to reinforce my belief that we should never attempt to do so while I was still alive, or with full working use of my ears.

Well, the last time I heard Gippal sing, it probably wasn't under the best of circumstances. I'm well aware that voices break, and tones and ability develop over long periods of time, but ever since birth I've been cursed with a quirky sort of perfect pitch; although I don't really give a damn if you're singing an A or an E, if somebody's just a WEENSY bit sharp or flat? I'll twitch like I've just escaped from the loony bin in order to round up a ramshackle band of wooden spoons; using them to hold the world to ransom. This can be problematic; especially when Yunie went through a childhood phase of wanting to become a Songstress… well… I guess dreams do come true; in a way, and without an iota of the talent Yevon gave her… I know I'm jealous, but how is it fair to just up and out with a pop-masterpiece with a voice you'll never naturally have? I wish I could remember thousand year-old ditties; it'd save a boatload of time writing the scores. Anyways, whenever she'd use her favourite, non-perverted cousin as her audience/critic, she'd usually end up not speaking to me for a couple of days, without me even having to give a feeble: "Wow! That was… different…"

Looking back on all of that, my best plan of action would probably be to let him forget I ever opened my mouth, or, if he calls my bluff, I'll hide my face in the pillow and proceed to lie through my teeth when it's all over, if I'm still conscious. Actually, my best plan of action would have been to not open my mouth at all, which would have also ruled out the kinky comment before it was ever a flash through a synapse in Gippal's lecherous, evil brain.

"From the look on your face, I'm going to hazard a guess that a delightful plethora of national anthems is totally out of the question." He said, quirking an eyebrow sarcastically as he poked me uncharitably in the kidneys, eliciting a humiliatingly girly squeak.

"If you'd like your vocal chords firmly embedded in your throat, as opposed to being used to garrotte you." I chirped, smiling fiercely. Gippal shook his head wryly, poking me again for good measure.

"Clinically, critically, assess the forgery before you, For how much will she sell?" He sang softly, a syrupy octave deeper than I had intended. I gasped quietly, choking on the words that rose unbidden to my tongue. How dare he go through my desk-drawers! Sure, the fact that he thought my own music was good enough to serenade me with was a massive compliment, but still, it was the principle of the thing! The fact that he sang better than I did was pretty much moot, but it was pretty distracting, as I was subconsciously eager to analyse the many facets that comprised the whispering, seductive drawl. "Determine an auction price, For blank canvas and technological masterpiece combined." He continued, gently rotating my frame so my eyes met his. The lyrics struck me poignantly, and I became rather sheepish resultantly, as this was not the happiest thing I had ever written. The title was enough to give most people ample implication that my poetic subject wasn't exactly going to be my most favourite person in the entire world, and the content wasn't going to endear many of the straight-laced members of the three leading powers in Spira to my little black hobby. "A predetermined prostitute, an interactive automaton, Programmed to serve you well, For the price of her addiction, To fabricate a triumvirate of grotesque, macabre and sublime." His voice was lilting, almost hypnotic to an extent; displaying a melodic sort of beauty and perfection that disguised the embittered, passionate core to his cadence that corresponded so well to the thematic description of those that fell from grace. I was glad his interpretation was so intertwined with my own, because Brother had just blinked for a few moments before asking me which one of my friends was a hooker…

Ordinarily, circumstances would have suggested that I showed Shinra my creative genius, but, he hadn't even hit puberty yet, and I wasn't going to give him nightmares if I could help it.

"She's made a deal with devils playing god, To make not an image but the divine, To supersede a golem of clay, With a harvesting edge and the infernal flame, To rework cardinal sin as the superlative virtue, An idol shrouded by censer on sterilised shrine. A graven sculpture lain mute in incandescent sepulchre, Purely for the sake of fame." He rounded off the chorus with a languid smile and I wondered when the heck he had committed all of this to memory.

Yeah, instead of doing something constructive, like conveying my gratitude in the forms of either an entranced audience or by bursting into tears, I'm pondering if the man has a brain like some sort of sponge-like life form. Coming to the conclusion that yes, he probably did know the song in its entirety, I clapped a hand over his mouth; feeling the slight vibration that was the beginning of the second verse. His expression was inquisitive, and slightly nervous, as if he was racking his brains for anything in his rendition that might have failed to please.

I felt vindicated in the decision that there was no need to allay his fears, cos he'd still rifled through my private property, regardless of my desire secrecy bordering on paranoia, and I was still angry about that. Personally, I would have been absolutely delighted if he'd concluded one song and moved onto every other number in my extensive arsenal, but I'd noticed a change in Paine's breathing. It was no longer as deep or as even as it had been moments beforehand, and her eyes were flickering under closed lids; regardless of her attempts to keep them stationary. From experience, I knew that Paine got mega-super-uber-pissed off at those that woke her unnecessarily; so while she was tentatively trying to locate the guilty party, still displaying the pretence of sleep, I wasn't going to open my mouth on pain of death, and neither was Gippal, cos I didn't really hate him as much as I let on.

Unfortunately, Gippal was, as usual, oblivious to his imminent demise, although he was giggling against my palm at my feeble efforts to inform him of the possibly fatal situation that had suddenly arisen. As my frantic head-tilting gestures and alarmingly large, horrified eyes had proved to be utterly futile; he resumed the arduous task of removing my oppressive hand from his face, effectively pinning both of my arms to my sides. Rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath, he was about to launch into some lengthy spiel about my apparent craziness, and I had little time to weigh up my options; said options being: which body-part is the most effective at rendering the man speechless without suffocating him?

I must confess that thinking on my feet had never really been all that strong a feature of mine, mainly because the notion that thinking things through was pretty redundant was quite firmly ingrained into my core beliefs, even if engaging mouth before brain usually did me more harm than good; hence practically throwing myself at him like a beached whale wasn't all that useful. However, it did do the trick; Gippal was silenced and not quite asphyxiated in the process, although it was a pretty close call; seeing as my lungs were still burning five minutes after the latest in our chain of incidents. My arms were still trapped, which meant that I hadn't participated as wholeheartedly as I'd have liked to, but it was probably for the best, even if my master plan wasn't proving to be all that conducive to the earlier: not a good idea to boink him, argument I was having with myself.

Gippal seemed to believe that this meant I was offering up instant gratification for his efforts, and decided to let the subject drop, after I was done practically forcing some more 'persuasion' on my part. Wheezing and slightly dizzy, I turned back to Paine, who was mere metres away from my overcrowded bunk. She didn't appear to be as tensed and calculated, she'd shifted position and one foot was randomly poking out from beneath the sheets. The occasional snuffling noise wasn't racking up any points against her either, because none of us had dared inform her of her odd snoring, for fear of her doing murders on us; or at least grievous bodily harm. Gippal breathed out a sigh of relief; either that or he was still attempting to repay his oxygen debt from hell.

"Close call, Cid's Girl; Dr. P is not a happy camper if you disrupt her beauty sleep." He whispered, throwing the angelic sleeping bundle of personified rage a furtive look.

"Bastard…" I muttered petulantly, realising far too late that he'd been just aware of the looming catastrophe as I had. Gippal already had a pretty good idea as to how volatile I was when provoked, so I guess he thought the fifty/fifty chance of either smoochies or being smothered by a lamely thin pillow was worth the risk. To confirm my displeasure, I punched him as hard as I could. Judging by the way he winced, and the following muffled bellow, my satisfaction could easily outweigh the agony hurtling at breakneck speed throughout my bruised and battered digits.

"It was worth it…" He replied smugly, continuing to smirk as I raised my other hand for a repeat performance.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Death to all seagulls!

**A/N: -gasps- I know, I know! I'm not dead! -cheers feebly- Anyways, cos I've been sucky about not updating AGAIN, you guys have got the longest chapter I've written so far... and my chapters aren't all that short to start with... I'm talking 8000+ words of scintillating dialogue, enchanting plot devices... and cosmetic products of the DEVIL!  
Well... it's all true apart from the scintillating and enchanting bits... Actually... the 'devil' bit's probably an exaggeration too, but it's a very real threat in MY mind! Anyways, I'm really back into the swing of writing now... AND I have a day off of college tomorrow, so you MIGHT actually get another chapter in UNDER a MONTH! I really need to stop Caps Locking words... -hangs head in shame-**

**-Rikku SWiRLS- **As a fellow hypocrite... I was really hoping you wouldn't possibly... brutally assault and/or murder me for updating late... AGAIN... -cries- Don't hurt me! -flies the flag for Animal Crossing- Yaaaay distracting addictive things! Enjoy the chappie!

-**Anon-** I have no idea who you are, but THANKS for reviewing anyways! I've always thought the Rikku/Gippal banter in-game rocked, so I decided to keep it as one of their couple-y pastimes...I couldn't just thrust them together, tell them to play nicely and feasibly have them get along without at least a little mocking and partner-based-cruelty, so the banter stuck. That and cos it's fun to write... And poor Rikku can't help being scatter-brained... but it makes her more lovable... or at least more amusing... both work for me! Enjoy the chapter!

-**K-Jaye- **Woooo! You got your internet back! -sweatdrops- Two months ago! I'm soooo sorry I'm so bad at updating... I just get busy... and forget... -claps self on back- I'm reeeeaaaally good at excuses today... -hides face in hands- Anyways... I'm so glad you still like it! I mean, you are my constant reviewer of awesomeness! (it's a word, indulge me) And as to the frolicking kittens... would they in fact be giant dancing kittens? Like those you would find at a Gackt gig? Cos if so... -hastily constructs pathetic bishie-trap, using mouldy cheese as bait- Well... I'm SURE that'll work! -beams and joins the merry skipping into the sunset- Can we sing the Wizard of Oz song?

**DISCLAIMER:** -holds megaphone to mouth- I do NOT own Final Fantasy, or any of its characters... If I did, more than just two of them would be modelled off of Gackt... -laughs sheepishly- The story is mine, however, and I shall fight anyone who tries to steal it in Mortal Stick Kombat! (Sophie does not own Mortal Stick Kombat, Mortal StickKombatdoes not endorse Sophie to bludgeon would-be thieves to death with tree limbs)

"..." Normal speech  
_-italics- _A rare moment when the Princess can control her 'inside voice' (thoughts)  
"CAPSLOCK" Rikku attempting to write (she has distinctive penmanship, you see...)

**Chapter Twelve: Love comes in many shapes and sizes... sometimes even dodecahedrons! But mainly triangles... (or: Seagulls, a much underlooked Al Bhed culinary delicacy!)**

Inevitably, I must have passed out at some stage, because the first thing I heard upon reclaiming consciousness was more deafening and obnoxious than a klaxon. My eyelids peeled back as if a pair of my mental munchkins, slowly releasing the tension on invisible cords; had heard the noise too, and the poor buggers had gone into cardiac arrest, and hence let go of said eyelids, which had rocketed skywards like out of control roll-up blinds.

Managing to begin a preliminary interpretation of the situation, I retract my initial metaphor, as the sonic barrage did, in fact, come from a klaxon, which was so close to my face that I had to cross my eyes to bring it into any sort of focus.

"Where, in the name of everything that is wrong with the world, do you GET these things?" I moaned feebly, attempting to block out the infernal sun by contorting into the shadow Brother was casting. Unfortunately, my beloved sibling was too busy employing every curse in his copious arsenal, because like it or not, he was one of 'Cid's Kids' too, so I wasn't getting an answer anytime in the near distant future. Meanwhile, Gippal, who was sporting a nasty smattering of bruises across his abdomen, which was proving to be as, if not more, distracting than it had been last night, was just beginning to stir. Brother seemed to pause, almost as if he were on tenterhooks, and all of a sudden the bed became overcrowded.

Every single person on the ship had gathered around in an almost claustrophobic semi-circle; including a very hung-over looking Yunie, who I would've felt something more akin to pity for if she weren't spying on me! Gippal released me from his grip, which soon explained why I had a dead arm, and started to work some of the kinks out of his spine. If it were physically possible, I would have sworn that they all scooted forward slightly, and I realised what the sneaky blighters were up to.

I stretched over my bedfellow, rewarding him with a good morning kiss on the nose when he didn't decide to hinder me whilst on my newest death defying mission; snatched up a fist of ebon material, and placed the patch neatly over his eye.

Now alert, Gippal displayed one emerald eye to his highly disappointed audience, and proceeded to glare at them until they quickly scampered off.

"Don't mention it…" I drawled with a roll of my eyes when he didn't immediately move to inundate me with praises.

"Thanks…" He muttered by means of belated reply.

"Has anyone ever told you that you really need to work on your early morning affability?" I asked sardonically, quirking an eyebrow as he snuggled back into the pillow.

"Get me some coffee and I'll make a start on the cordial behaviour." He grumbled; wrapping the blanket around his fist and tugging. The sudden blast of cold air made me elicit a small squeak of displeasure, and I attempted to snatch back my designated half of the duvet.

Just to be irritating, Gippal decided to relinquish the eiderdown at the exact moment that I began to heave for all I was worth. Both actions were so seamlessly simultaneous, that inertia inevitably played its part in the little scenario, and I ended up in an irately muttering heap on the tiles. With Paine's loaned top pooling uselessly about my waist.

Eyes widening, I made sure that I was sufficiently concealed by my prized possession, newly won from the previous encounter, and breathed a sigh of relief that I probably hadn't given anyone an eyeful as I plummeted so gracefully to the hard, unyielding floor. Gippal was too busy chuckling at his perfectly timed piece of slapstick comedic gold to pay my dilemma any perfunctory attention, and unless Barkeep had periscope vision, it was probably safe to assume that no one in the immediate area was so traumatised they were attempting to gouge out their eyes.

My deliberations had consumed more time than I had hoped to expend, as Gippal suddenly stopped cackling to himself.

"Er… Cid's Girl, you gonna give that back? Some of us have poor circulation…" He sniffed indignantly, wiggling his fingers as if it magically proved his point. While I was more than aware that it was no fun at all to play victim to Gippal the heat-leech, he was going to have to pry that duvet from my cold, dead hands. Then again, my cold, dead hands would still be warmer than Gippal's, seeing as whenever he left the arid desert climate, his fingernails adopted this disturbingly vibrant shade of purple; leading him to a cursed existence with extremities like blocks of compacted ice… Hence the heat-vampirism; I don't think that anyone's actually survived direct contact with his feet…

"Some of us need to be severely punished for injuring their fiancées… I think someone's replaced my pelvis with broken glass…" I muttered, tone coloured with a mixture of irritation and pain. My bones aren't really cushioned well enough to absorb blows well, and the only reason I hadn't been moaning about it previously was cos I was so preoccupied with attempting to prevent a public relations disaster in the making.

Tucking a corner of eiderdown between my teeth with all the subtlety I could garner, which wasn't exactly much, seeing as Gippal was giving me a look that I translated into a monosyllabic: Eh? That's right, I kid you not… not only am I fluent in the only two spoken languages on the planet, I can also put words to your confusion! Nifty, huh? Interlocking my hands, I pushed out my elbows until my palms were resting neatly against my sternum, giving a motiveless and carefree impression of stretching myself awake. I tilted my neck back to yawn widely to the ceiling, carefully inserting one hand beneath the blanket. Wrenching up the top as soon as I found purchase on the silky material, I squealed when a hand that certainly wasn't mine wrenched the duvet away as it toppled slowly from my gaping mouth.

The travesty that unfurled is something that shall haunt me until the day that I shuffle off this mortal coil, in an utterly mortified manner. I squawked, much akin to one of the seagulls in the Calm Lands when under a rain of fire from heavy artillery grenade launching.

You can hardly blame me though, can you? I mean, while yes, it was hysterically amusing to witness 'he who must not be named in Yuna's presence' being pelted repeatedly by kamikaze winged scavengers, but after four hours, his enthusiasm hadn't died down even slightly, Lulu had snapped and set Wakka on fire, and Auron had hit the sake hard… I mean, he kept on glaring at me and sharpening his katana and then laughing somewhat maniacally. Once or twice I heard him mutter something about revenge, goggle-garrotting and hot-pockets, which still confuses me whenever I take a rather disturbing stroll down memory lane.

The Summoner herself was snoring and mumbling merrily away, using the heftily proportioned blue Ronso as a glorified cushion, and poor Kimahri was becoming more flustered and awkward with each passing second, and as everyone was either unconscious, dealing with their own neuroses or on fire; the task of removing the obstacles in Tidus' way so we could actually do something quest related was once again left to me.

Hence the decision to blow the opposition out of the air… Ti was just about competent enough to pop the balloons in his immediate path of wanton destruction, but the infernal seagulls were just crippling his chances to reach the theoretical time of 0 seconds.

You really had to feel sorry for the staff though… This little old man had to keep replacing all of the decimated balloons, making sure they were firmly tethered to the earth… that man had a hell of a lot of patience, well, I guess it's a hard earned virtue that derives from only being able to walk at a pace rivalling a brick on wheels inundated in maple syrup, but it was awe-inspiring nonetheless.

And the competition? She'd practically offered to forfeit rather than go through another sanity-melting Chocobo race. However, true to the stereotype of the ditsy blonde, Tidus was utterly oblivious to his newly presented option of a hideously easy victory, and had mounted his perch upon the flagging Chocobo, which was getting so beyond pissed off that it had bucked him off more than once in the twenty excruciating minutes beforehand, as we set up the tableau yet again, exclaiming that this time he really was going do it… possibly…

After he had conquered the seemingly impossible, our lovable, if slightly dense at the best of times, hero did notice the smouldering, charcoal coloured feathers floating down to terra firma like blackened embers from a seething volcano, but shrugged it off and continued his victory lap around acres of vast green expanse on a Chocobo that looked about ready to write its final will and testament.

However, the concluding statistics didn't quite show a 100 success rate, seeing as most people gave me a rather wide berth for at least four days after the event. Apparently, adopting a highly stylish victory pose with a grenade pin between your teeth was hardly something that inspired confidence in others. I personally think that they were all just jealous that I was the only one fantastical enough to take the initiative; but in Wakka's case? I think he was just really, really jumpy. He kept subconsciously fiddling with his inverted fishing hook hair and whimpering whenever Lulu stepped over the lines of the restraining order he'd mentally taken out against her.

I sighed… It was so sweet that love could triumph in the face of such adversity, like homicidal rage and mind-boggling fear of the possibility of spousal abuse.

However, back to business, and my eternal humiliation; seeing as masquerading as the 'Shiva de Milo', but with… arms… was hardly gonna fool my own future legally-bound significant other that I had legged it and replaced myself with an inanimate statue, clutching a fistful of satin over its chest.

"On second thought… Screw the coffee… I'm up…" He purred, swivelling to face me whilst tucking his calves under his thighs. Unfortunately, this wasn't doing wonders for my progressively more ludicrous attempts to formulate a plan to either assertively tell the man that there was no chance in hell that I was going to follow him up on that belligerent statement, or just run as if every denizen of the farplane and beyond were hot on my heels. Instead, I was more torn between gaping, which would eventually lead to pointing, babbling or passing out; or conducting an experiment to see just how far he could bend back in that position. I settled for the happy middle ground:

"Back the hell off, you deranged, sexy fiend!" I cried; half assertively, but with a mixture of damsel in distress and trashy romance novel heroine thrown in for good measure. It took a while for my poor, harassed mind to register the whole, 'sexy' aspect of the comment, and judging by our expressions, we'd picked up on the glaring slip almost in tandem. "Would you believe me if I told you that I'd confused the noun and adjective?" I pleaded, attempting to convey a sense of innocence only employed by new-born kittens whilst looking distinctly unattractive and about as wanton and flirtatious as a rather wizened looking boulder.

"I think I'm gonna call you on that. You think I'm attractive. Actually, you think I'm so good-looking that, in fact, I make you slightly more flaky and demented than is the norm." He stated, with perfect rationality, betraying the usual nature of his early morning incoherence. "By the way, when you feel the need to flee from the developing situation, I think I'll take you up on that unspoken offer of caffeinated manna… and bacon… do we have bacon?" He asked, playing upon my madly fluctuating hormones in order to pull-off the little-starving-boy-lost routine.

For some reason, I really wasn't in the mood to feign coyness anymore, which would have been distinctly influenced by whether the need for fight or flight prevailed anyway, so I guess overall, it was most likely a positive result for the pair of us. But then, a big, loathsome beacon began to flash in an insensitively blinding manner behind my eyes. I think I was rather clued in on the reason for that by the whole, 'honey, I'm conscious, feed me' argument that he had just put across so condescendingly.

"I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you. In order to eat, I've practically committed unspeakable acts of fish-man cannibalism, and it turns out that Hazhes are beyond unpalatable, suggesting that the cupboard is indeed bare, so I've pretty much given up on the culinary arts and buckshot hunting for a while." I muttered sourly, wrenching the flimsy straps back over my hunched shoulders, much to Gippal's disappointment.

"No bacon then…" He agreed, in a somewhat perturbed manner, as he wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"And no coffee either, unless you want to take the initiative and do battle with the percolator. Although it has been a whole DAY since you've been allowed to play with anything… Do you think you're still up to working the big, bad machina?" I babied somewhat cruelly, as I knew that Gippal would have a hard time removing himself from the bed without the promised rewards of caffeine or sexual favours, of which he was getting neither at the moment.

"Give me a twenty-foot long poking stick and we'll see what I can and can't do…" Gippal replied snippily, although it took me a while to allocate his annoyance to a particular ratio of two thirds sleep-deprivation grouchiness against one third affront to the ego.

"How's about I don't and we narrow your options to the 'can't' side of things?" I asked sweetly, and rhetorically, before beating a hasty retreat into the bathroom, as he was bound to fire back some scathing reply that would lead to another argument, and then we'd be at Bikanel and I'd still essentially be almost-naked.

I was more than slightly relieved to find my trusty belt, equipped with nifty little pouches for my various pieces of paraphernalia; hanging safely where I'd left it on the towel rack, because nothing made a dramatic exit collapse in on itself quite like tiptoeing back to ask where you'd left your stuff. Much like a botched one-night-stand; where you'd rather hack off one of your arms with one of the moth-ravaged coat hangers in the cheap motel closet than actually talk to the guy staring at you in a mixture of shock, horror and nakedness, that you also distinctly remember being far more attractive the night before. Unfortunately, you'd also be preoccupied with the little gremlin sitting atop your head whilst merrily striking it with a whopping great mallet; so much so, that you'd easily forget the burning question as to the location of said sex buddy's identical twin, who, if he were at all sensible, would have legged it from the building even faster than you were.

The climate in the desert wasn't something that you forgot in a hurry, so after much meticulous debate, I drew the line of compromise to bisect through the Songstress dressphere. After a few melodramatic flashes of light, that no doubt confused the hell out of people on the other side of the door, I paused to admire myself in the mirror. My braids had stayed in fine, thank goodness, so I didn't have to go through the lengthy process of re-plaiting them. Instead, I ran a brush viciously through my still rather tangled tresses and scooped a mass of flaxen hair on top of my head with the aid of my trusty rubber band and blue bandanna combo. My gaze lowered to fix on the hideously pretentious tie that graced the ruffled, blue tinged section of blouse that poked out from beneath the burnt umber of my waist-come-tailcoat. The skirt was slightly, non-existent, and the criss-crossing bands around my legs were as painful as they were pointless, but the frayed tops of my gloves and boots were cute, so I decided to let the matter slide.

Yevon only knew what I was gonna do with the honking great stick balancing precariously against the radiator, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. First, I was going to make the rest of me presentable, and how better to start than with a quick and easy facial peel? That was at least what the little innocuous sachet informed me, blithely reeling off its instructions as if nothing in the world could go wrong. I must admit, just so you don't think I'm completely idiotic, that I did begin to have my doubts when I saw the frighteningly orange goop ooze viscously out of its malleable housing, but those doubts were overridden quickly, as it smelt all citrus-y, and you could hardly rename an orange as the Fruit of Deceit… If it were apple-scented however, then I'd have had something to worry about.

As it turns out, I was destined for problems as soon as I read the fateful destruction guide, as I have renamed it, just to be petty. Slathering the frigidly cold miasma of slime over the various contours of my face, which to this day ranks as one of my most unpleasant experiences, I managed to spread it relatively evenly, although I couldn't help myself from making unfavourable comparisons to that particular process and grouting; the mask was so bloody thick! However, once my ordeal was at its end, I realised that I had to busy my self for a painfully long fifteen minutes, and seeing as there was no way in hell I was letting anyone witness the horror that was Rikku inundated in gloop, I was gonna have to kill my time confined within the tiled walls of the bathroom.

After rounding up every cosmetic product I owned, a process that took about a rather measly two minutes; and more due to the fact that I have a gift for putting things down and seeing those things disappear when I turn around to pick them up again than from the sheer quantity of my inventory; I released them in a chaotic, haphazard heap onto the small glass shelf beneath the vanity mirror. A stick of kohl eyeliner made a drastic bid for freedom, toppling from the shelf to ricochet off the dappled marble of the sink and roll beneath the clawed, bolted down feet of the bath. I reminisced, not for the first time, how having such an elaborate piece of bathing apparatus when we were so short on funding was just another reason never to re-elect Brother back into the coveted, for him at least, position of treasurer, seeing as, what with being related and all, he was as fiscally irresponsible as I was.

After little deliberation, I decided that if the inanimate pencil was going to be childish, it could stay there until I remembered where the hell I'd put the sodding thing. Examining the rather pathetic array of items, I quickly discarded the idea of applying foundation. Initially, I might well have had a perfect, slightly shimmering bronzed complexion, but about two minutes after we'd vacated the ship, I'm pretty sure it would have melted, and then there'd be uneven, multicoloured patches of varying textures, and the rest would've soaked into my tie and I would be mocked from here to eternity. Judging from the bottle, it was Paine's anyway, cos there was no way in hell that I was an 'ivory'.

That had still been one hell of a shopping trip, what with Yunie vehemently assuring me that I was a 'cognac', much to my internal confusion and horror; I spent the next few hours nervously worrying over the veracity of the statement, looking over my shoulder in case I was herded away to the circus, to entertain the masses with my transparent, ethanol-based orange skin. In the end, Paine thrust a small jar of a much healthier looking 'bronze' into my hand and we were good to go from there. Well… until I started buying glittery eyeliner and retina burning yellow eye-shadow, a scenario in which Paine threatened to disown me multiple times. I think I won her over when I added some matte black to my ever-growing purchases; either that or I bought her loyalty with the little pot of ruby tincture, but I prefer to believe that our friendship runs slightly deeper than allegiances procured by snazzy little trinkets.

_-Whichever one of you little ass-hats in back just snorted and rolled your eyes… Well… you're in big trouble, mate… Yes…- _

Well, asides from that brief fluctuation that tossed me, in a rather gung-ho manner, over the miniscule division between genius and insanity; it was a fond memory. Mainly because I enjoy buying shiny, quirky things, but also because it provided a much-needed alteration to the daily schedule of: kill fiend, find sphere, kill more fiends, ignore Brother, kill fiends, sleep; rinse and repeat until despondent and near-suicidal.

I tried to smile at my brief attempt at black humour, but found, much to my unrelenting disappointment, that my facial muscles had mutinied, making all of my physical expressions about as emotive and interpretable as those produced by a piece of driftwood. Touching a tentative hand to my cheek, I felt the thin, solidified film of the facial mask push back against my questing digits.

"Bugger…" I attempted to announce through a closed mouth. This wasn't too successful, seeing as if I ever quit my day-job; it sure as hell wouldn't be to become a ventriloquist. Hurtling at terminal velocity to the sink, I began the cleansing process, furiously swiping at the hardening mulch, which of course refused to budge. Water didn't help, and scrubbing my face furiously with a towel wasn't helping anyone, seeing as the towel was getting all clumpy and saturated with small gobbets of what looked like tangerine coloured wax, and the water was just making the mask slimier, and no less unyielding.

Twisting the lock, I pulled on the door until it was slightly ajar; in order to feed my hand through the gap and signal frenetically that I was in need of assistance. Coupled with the distressed noises I was making, I didn't present the most elegant and articulate of sights, but Yevon himself wasn't going to make me attempt to cry: Gippal! unto the world, especially not when I couldn't manage any hard consonants. The biggest irony was that, at this rate, I was going to receive one temporary speech impediment per day for the rest of my soon-to-be-married life, in increasingly more bizarre circumstances. With that thought to cheer me, Gippal came barging through my makeshift blockade of sorts, causing me to stub my toe and attempt to curse loudly. Said endeavour only managed to come out as a mildly pissed off, guttural noise of incoherence, but I doubt that was what Gippal was laughing at so damned hard.

My eyes spoke volumes, even if the rest of me couldn't string together a decent sentence, so Gippal found himself replying, through his unbridled mirth, of course, to my unasked question.

"I don't know whether that colour can be described as jaundiced, radioactive Day-Glo or lovechild of an Oompa-Loompa; but orange is simply too inferior an adjective." He managed to elucidate, through guffaws, all at my expense. My polite, tranquil demand for assistance went unanswered, possibly because it was indistinguishable from an alien dialect that consisted mainly of pained bellowing. As if to add another compound to my ever-growing amalgamation of problems, Gippal used this opportunity to stride briskly from the bathroom, leaving me to potentially asphyxiate if the mask saw fit to clog my nostrils.

He came back… eventually, although not with the sphere-corder I'd been sure he'd abandoned me in order to retrieve. My fingers were forced closed around a thick pad of cheap paper, as well as a biro, which had managed to fly under my radar, what with it clattering to the floor seconds later due to my inability to grasp solid concepts. As if sensing my atrocious pun, Gippal quirked a golden eyebrow in my direction, which I finally interpreted as a prompt to write something down.

"AS YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE NOTICED -NOT THAT I CAN FAULT YOU, AFTER ALL, YOU'RE PRE-COFFEE-FIX- YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO PLAY PICTIONARY."I scrawled sardonically; returning his eyebrow and raising him a disdainful snort.

"Sorry for humouring you; I just thought you enjoyed solving your silly little mysteries. Or was it too taxing to put pen and pad together?" He sniped back, looking like he had half a mind to take back my precious wad of paper. Skittering out of his immediate reach, scribbling all the while, I pivoted to force my newest message into his face. Gippal had next to nothing in the depth perception department; and the scowl I received for my insensitive puerility reminded me of that overlooked fact after a minute of impatient foot-tapping. Retreating slightly, I saw him scan my distinctive penmanship, brow furrowing every now and again. "Is it just me, or is your handwriting getting progressively worse?" He asked, rather rhetorically, seeing as I was mute and he couldn't read my attempts at conversation. "Ilk was Lucky Tuna in the espouse loom wtf the leaf paging?" He narrated, somewhat bemusedly.

"IT WAS LADY YUNA, IN THE ENGINE ROOM, WITH THE LEAD PIPING." I painstakingly crafted the sentence into ridiculously overwhelming capital letters, going so far as to draw a stick figure Summoner beneath the font, brandishing a slightly chunkier looking stick, which had been used to club a patch-wearing stick man with poncy pirate boots, if the suspicious puddle surrounding its prone stick body was anything to go by.

While I did receive a chuckle for my quick thinking; although I believe it was more due to my inability to create a work of art -as my pathetically depicted frieze was bordering on becoming an abomination unto nature- seeing as the initial comedic moment had well and truly kicked the bucket, after being dealt grievous wounds in its battle with its nemesis: 'wtf the leaf paging?'

"The quiet's actually becoming rather daunting, so I feel bound to offer you my assistance, for what it is, of course…" He drawled, throwing in a humble bow that almost had his nose grazing the floor, even if it didn't do much to disguise the periodical claptrap that I was still trying to allocate any form of meaning to. "What smells like oranges?" He asked, at least dispelling the air of confusion and awkward silence that had descended with his inane question. Jabbing an index finger pointedly at myself, I came to my senses soon after, managing to reallocate my priorities into a neat little queue. I then recommenced my hasty jottings.

"GET THE DAMNED GOOP OFF MY FACE NOW OR I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU WITH THIS BIRO." I'm well aware that text is a rather poor means of attempting to convey threats and fury, but Gippal decided that in order to maintain the overall wellbeing of his person, it would probably be best not to dispute my ferocity with scribing implements.

Running his index finger along my cheek, hard enough for me to feel the heat of the friction, he crinkled his nose in distaste as he retracted the pad of the digit, trailing a wispy bridge of something that eerily resembled solidifying nacho cheese.

"Would it be prudent to ask you why the hell you voluntarily smeared this across your head?" He asked; invoking the right to a soliloquy I probably shouldn't have been privy to, as I was too busy brandishing my sign-board like it was a primitive, rectangular cudgel to participate in the conversation. "I'm taking that as a rather blatant 'no'…" He muttered wearily, whilst making small concentric circles with the index finger pressed against my cheek. The process was rather reminiscent of buffing the metal plates of a Hover, and judging by Gippal's whole-heartedness in his efforts, he wanted to see his reflection gazing smugly back at him when he was done.

However, before I could slap his hand away, he replaced the finger with what appeared to be an overgrown loofah. How the blazes he'd managed to magic such an elaborate scrubbing implement out of the void was beyond my feeble powers of comprehension.

"DID YOU KNOW THAT LOOFAHS ARE FRUITS? MOST PEOPLE THINK THEY COME FROM THE SEA, BUT THEY'RE ACTUALLY LITTLE CYLINDRICAL GOURDS GROWN FROM SEEDS!" I smiled, or at least twitched the corners of my mouth slightly, before attempting to distract Gippal from his vicious sanding of my precious face.

"You learn something new every day…" He grunted as he attempted to chip off a brittle, waxy stalactite, which continued to grimly clutch at my chin. With an inhumane roar, which made him sound like a man too near the end of his proverbial tether, he took a wild swing with the loofah, striking the orange icicle with accuracy borne from sheer luck.

It vacated the premises with a rather perturbing amount of suction, which sounded much like that one time I got bored and wondered what it would be like to attach the nozzle of a vacuum to my cheek. Wait… is it too late to go back and vehemently deny everything I just said?

"Crap…" I muttered, somewhat ineloquently. I mean, now that I could actually speak again, it was a hallowed event, like a baby's first words… but… again… It was like waiting for all of those painful months of no sleep whilst being subjected to other unadulterated forms of suffering and being rewarded with… Oh, I don't know… 'Pencil' or something…

-_Hold on a second, I can SPEAK!-_

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" I cried exuberantly, tossing the unwieldy hunk of paper, like my cares, to the wind to practically glue myself to Gippal's side in gratitude.

"Ah… I see… the focal point resonated at too high a frequency for the brittle… orange-ness… to withstand… Hence, it shattered… Very interesting…" He muttered to himself, oblivious to the fact that I was half glomping him to within an inch of his mortal life. While Gippal the theologian was sexy as hell, he was also not paying attention to me, so I sought to remedy the situation immediately.

"As soon as we get off this bucket of bolts I'm buying you your own bodyweight in pigs and will then make bacon to your heart's content, or until you're too full and sated to move, or if I think your arteries are clogging in a possibly life-threatening manner… Oh sweet zombie Mika I said 'making bacon'…" I babbled nervously, screwing my eyes shut tightly and wishing I could slap my forehead and shout at myself for mixing my metaphors without looking even more deranged. Fortunately, I also had an inkling that Gippal remained blissfully unaware of the hash I had made of things.

"That's nice dear…" He muttered distractedly, resulting in me clutching my hands into fists so tight that my non-existent fingernails cut crescents into the palms. However, etiquette dictated that one good deed counteracts a moment of utter ignorance, so I brushed my lips softly against the corner of his down-turned mouth and took my leave of the bathroom.

I was walking along the connecting tunnel to the Bridge when I stumbled across Yuna, who pleasantly informed me that my face was all aglow, before chewing me out for apparently going AWOL. After apologising, and doing my best to look downtrodden and ashamed, she decided to let me go, although only after she and the Yevonite Inquisition had managed to pry Gippal's location from my ever-overloaded brain.

After further reconnaissance, I discovered that we'd been aground for little over ten minutes, and that the window for disembarkation was shrinking as I spoke to my fellow crew members. Having been born on Bikanel, I was hardly surprised that a sandstorm was coming our way, with all of nature's mighty, pant-wettingly scary fury at its disposal. However, now really wasn't the time to make a sensible or informed decision. We needed the money, desperately; we needed to complete our otherwise half-assed Gippal orientated courier service mission; and we needed to start exhausting the number of locales in which to nab us some truly heinous magenta Syndicate uniforms.

So, after we tied up a few last ends, including that alas, no, Brother would not be joining us on our merry quest, partially due to the fact that if Gippal was there we'd probably let him be the hero who could get any one of the three heroines he chose.

-_I know, I know… Brother is deluded… really, really deluded…-_

The other reason might have had something to do with him being as yellow as his Mohawk… Only a relative of mine could be scared of the WIND…

Anyways, there we were, sun blazing high overhead in the fathomless blue sky, its rays reflecting off each particle of fine white sand as if its sole purpose in life was to blind me. Did I mention that it was hot as the very fires of HELL? I know I haven't exactly been close to home base lately, but I had no idea you could get like… un-acclimatised to the place you grew up in.

Oh, and damn and blast him, Gippal didn't even look like he was perspiring. Even Paine's industrial-strength hair was already wilting, and the black leather was probably microwaving her from the inside out as I analysed her. Yunie on the other hand, looked about ready to call it a day and find a nice, leafy palm tree to take shelter under. I felt justified in avoiding telling her that the best shade she was gonna be offered would come from a ramrod straight cactus…

"Leave the trailblazing to me!" I eventually cried, rather feebly, as I jogged off into the arid desert. "Honestly, at this rate, the soles of my feet may combust, so if we get separated, just follow the acrid stench of Rikku fricassee…" I muttered to myself, though I was hardly surprised when I heard Gippal's low chuckle at about eight o'clock.

-_Not the time… The direction… oh… why didn't I just say behind me at a slightly… left-ish angle?-_

"Good thing I brought my handy-dandy fire extinguisher… you never know when you might need it… all you know is that with Her Majesty around, you probably will…" He uttered soberly, an effect that was rather spoilt by the wicked grin he was wearing. I turned around so I could slap his arm soundly, and I appreciate that that was when I probably lost my bearings.

"Umm… I don't think that sand dune used to be there…" I mumbled slightly fearfully. Then I realised that what with this wind, a sand dune was hardly going to stay in one place long enough to act as a good marker for me, which in turn meant that I was an utter pillock… possibly with knobs on.

"Rikku, you… DO know the way, right?" Paine asked tiredly, and with good reason for her distress. Stiletto heels were hard enough to walk on as is, let alone when one was trundling across the desert in the damned things. It was why desert Shoopuffs had such wide feet; they'd splay them out to reduce the overall pressure on the sand, and therefore wouldn't flounder and sink under the eerily unstable surface. Before I could answer snottily that of course I knew what I was doing, before striking her down coldly for her mutinous question, not that I'd ever, well… hit the woman, I'd probably end up in hospital if I accidentally trod on her foot… well, just to get back on track, well, topic, cos I'd pretty much come to terms with the fact that we were already hopelessly lost, Yunie butted in.

"Uh, Rikku? Are we in trouble?" She asked anxiously, although I inferred from her dubious tone that she pretty much already knew the answer to her own question. I was quite sure that we all had the answer when the high Summoner suddenly keeled over, panting and sweating profusely.

"A rest wouldn't hurt anyone…" Paine gasped woozily, before joining her team-mate on the sand. Unfortunately, the stoic warrior, possibly suffering from heat-stroke at this particular moment, hit the ground face first, looking rather like a startled mutant albino Chocobo trying to bury its head in the sand. Before I commenced with the last act of desperation, spur-of-the-moment pep-rally, I noticed a small machina, very much reminiscent of the small contraptions that had been tagging along behind some of the groups of Fiends we'd been fighting lately.

"Greenhorns eh nakeuhc B-5!" It chattered, its monotone mechanical voice ringing out across the desert sands. Rather than watch it scurry away back to base, I waved to trip its movement sensors.

"You think you wanna call your boss and your Princess greenhorns again when I'm close enough to dismantle you?" I growled at it, flexing my gloved fingers menacingly.

"I'd take her word for it, Picket; she's got a gift for totalling anything she touches." Gippal chuckled from behind me, air whooshing out of his lungs when I elbowed him nonchalantly. "See… what I… mean?" He wheezed, somewhat pathetically, before bending over, head between his knees, as if it would help him force the lost oxygen back into his body.

"Sure do boss-man, but I'd rather further violence be done towards your person, as opposed to mine." The newly named Picket snickered, well, so much as a robot could snicker, I guess.

"Do you even have a person?" I asked out of the blue, entertaining the notion of a transplanted Picket on human legs, wearing a fedora as if it would make a convincing disguise. "Oh… wait… you were being metaphorical… which weirds me out by the way, unless you were originally implemented as a self-learning AI programme, which would explain the whole, rhetorical imagery bit… Can we forget I said anything?" I asked sheepishly, wishing I would have just stuck with my silly mental picture… seeing as not much actually went wrong until I opened my mouth.

"Wow, Boss-man… This one knows five syllable words… She's definitely a keeper…" Picket joked, as roguishly as an otherwise inanimate object was able to, I suppose. He decided to use Gippal as a fleshy human meat-shield when I glowered in his general direction.

"I'm going to assume that the Machine Faction's droids aren't automatically instructed to swear fealty to their monarchs…" I accused petulantly, pursing my lips to convey my annoyance.

"Picket's just… special…" Gippal hedged, wondering if he could pick up the now unconscious Lady Yuna and use her fallen body like a stool utilised by a lion tamer.

"Thanks for that… You make me sound like the kid in the back of the class wearing the dunce cap. Oh, wait; please excuse me, that isn't DONE anymore… I'd be playing musical chairs in the 'Leg-Up Programme'." Picket groused from behind his boss/master/creator/mad scientist/boy genius. Please check one of the aforementioned boxes which can be applied best to the situation described.

All random thoughts were cast aside, quite possibly into the fathomless abyss, knowing how deranged I was, when the low whine of a Hover snatched at the aimlessly wandering tendrils that composed my sorely lacking attention span.

"Praise be to Yojimbo! I'm saved!" I bellowed triumphantly, flinging my arms up and out as if to embrace the sky itself. "I soooo call shotgun… better yet, let me drive!" I concluded merrily, landing awkwardly in the pilot's lap. Said pilot didn't seem too sure whether it would be worth it to put his life on the line if he copped a feel, but he managed to make the right decision after being prodded into doing the proper thing by Gippal's venomous glaring. He attempted to slide out from underneath me; as if his skin was practically crawling away from the prospect of physical contact, such was his extreme level of fear-induced aversion. I didn't really pay all that much attention, to be perfectly honest, because with him gone, it would be an awful lot easier for me to fit the seat to my height, or distinct lack-there-of…

After briefly fiddling with my rear-view mirror, not that I'd really need to use it in the middle of nowhere, I waited patiently for Yuna and Paine to be loaded onto and strapped into the vehicle… kinda like life-sized pieces of hand luggage actually. Giggling to myself, I turned the key in the ignition and gunned the engine, ramming the Hover into gear before letting the handbrake loose, sending the machina into an instantaneous U-turn. Whooping somewhat maniacally, I took the accelerating Hover over the crest of a sand dune, jiggling about in my seat as we crashed back to earth.

"You have actually got your license, right?" Gippal bellowed circumspectly, struggling to be heard over the deafening wails of the wind, which was being decidedly petty, as I was being pelted with itty bitty grains of sand which stung like blazes.

"Didn't I tell you? I finally passed!" I cried in response, keeping my eyes on… well… there wasn't even a path, let alone a road, so Bahamut knows why I was being such a diligent driver.

"Really? Good Yevon… really? Last time I heard from you you'd failed for the… what was it… fourth time?" He demanded, answering the roar of the wind with one of his own. I laughed, but my voice was lost in the gale.

"Seven overall, but I managed to pass, FINALLY… Unlike some perfect specimens that pass first time…" I mocked derisively, although it was mainly cos I was so damned jealous. I could drive fine; I just… panicked… badly… One test I actually smacked my head on the upper supports of the Hover while I was getting in… and let me tell you one thing, kiddies; never participate in a driving test when possibly concussed…

"You know I only passed because I revolutionised the rotor-blade system on the damned thing! And I wouldn't have even done that if I hadn't crashed into and consequently shredded one of the reflective traffic cones and almost blown myself and the examiner up in the process!" He laughed, and I found myself grinning with him. From brief amounts of experience, Gippal really wasn't the most… careful of drivers. In his not-so-humble opinion; if it didn't go so fast you couldn't feel the G-Force, it wasn't worth travelling on. Humouring him, I revved the engine harder, switching up through the gears as its gentle purring became gradually more strained. Catching a flicker of moss coloured canvas, I swung the vehicle out hard to the left, pushing it harder as we broke the top of the dune serving as a wall to the camp. Slamming on the brakes as I realised we'd run out of runway, I wrenched on the joystick and we careened sideways, coming to a spiralling stop just shy of the encampment's dubiously fragile living quarters.

"Would it kill the moment if I squealed: Again, again!" Gippal asked amusedly. I perused his dishevelled appearance with avid interest. His pulse had quickened, it was apparent from how erratic his breathing had become, and a pupil had dilated, devouring an emerald iris almost whole. Stripes of flushed skin decorated high cheekbones. I had never seen anything so provocative or sexy in all my young life…

"Methinks I snagged myself an adrenalin junkie…" I grinned, working at a pointed canine with my tongue.

"Do you mind?" He asked, breath hitching again as I continued to caress teeth with tongue.

"Yes… I'm utterly distraught that I have learnt your one weakness that can impel you from naught to salivating in 6 seconds…" I deadpanned, rolling my eyes when he pouted. "You think when we go on our much-deserved Honeymoon we can go bungee-jumping?" I wondered, wheeling out the cutesy voice to bring it to the fore. Gippal's expression went slightly blank, before adopting a quality strangely reminiscent of wonder and adoration.

"Sometimes… I think I love you a little bit…" He muttered to himself, before stumbling off into the distance, muttering to himself about finance reports.

Still beaming to myself, I forcibly quashed the urge to skip to my cousin, who was just beginning to stir.

"Muugc mega drao yna lusehk du…" One of the Al Bhed guards informed me as I made my way over.

"Paddan ku damm dra vunafusyh." His compatriot moaned good-naturedly, plodding off to go find Nhadala, who was probably raging about the maxes and minimums and beating poor Gippal to death with her polling data. Yuna's eyes were open wide by this stage, so I exchanged a few words with the digger before thanking him for his time.

"Good morning, sleepy-head!" I chirped; pressing an ice cold canteen of lovely, refreshing water I'd stolen from someone's refrigerator a while back into her grasping hands. The High Summoner quickly re-hydrated herself, and then passed the flask to a slightly worse for wear Paine. "Turns out I'm not as directionally challenged as we'd first thought, guys. They had to shift the whole camp to get out of the way of the oncoming sandstorm. If Picket hadn't come and saved the day, we could've ended up looking forever without finding it…" I concluded awkwardly. Dying of thirst in the desert was hardly on my top ten list of ways to kick the proverbial bucket.

The Hover pilot, and our would-have-been rescuer and knight in shining armour appeared, coughing nervously to get my attention. Obviously Gippal held a lot of influence over his employees… either that or there was an underlying, unadulterated sense of fear in regards to his tyrannical regime, but I think I'm going with option one.

"Wannabe diggers, right?" He asked in basic Spiran, for which Yuna was eternally grateful for.

"Cra'c pylg!" A voice cried from somewhere in the vicinity. It barely gave us enough warning to get the hell out of dodge when a figure on a motor sled came hurtling through the sand we'd previously been occupying.

"Y cduns? E RYDA cdunsc!" She moaned, ripping off some of her outer body gear.

I came face to face with the forewoman, probably for the first time in years, and realised that she had changed very little since our last meeting. Her flaxen hair was still cropped into a short bob, and it didn't look like she took the goggles off even when she slept. She also still wore the typical wetsuit-come-survival gear combination that most Al Bhed seemed to model nowadays, leaving me with a rather non-descript image for recognising her at a later date.

It wasn't that she was ugly at all… from what I could see of her figure she was in fantastic shape for a girl with a desk job… it was just that she was so… concealed by all of the paraphernalia that she was wearing that she looked just like every other worker on site.

I was about to open my mouth to inform her of our presence when she interrupted me.

"I'm busy, so make it fast, ok? I've got lots to excavate and no one to do it… And my damned boss hasn't turned up with his damned paperwork either…" She grumbled, possibly cursing the day Gippal was born. Oh how I knew that feeling…

"Yunie, show her Gippal's letter…" I encouraged my cousin gently, seeing as Nhadala was indeed as volatile and driven as ever.

"Uh… I've got this letter…" Yuna continued, rather redundantly.

"Oh! So YOU'RE the new guys!" She exclaimed amusedly. Gippal had most likely informed her that she'd be receiving some unusual guests, but a trio really didn't get that much weirder than ours. I made some agreeable noise of confirmation; I was feeling far too lazy to make small talk.

"Nice to meet you." Yuna uttered graciously, picking up the slack caused by my flagging social etiquette.

"Hmm… I guess the High Summoner's hard up too… Well, don't be expecting any special treatment!" She admonished, glaring at us as if we were only there to con her out of cash. In fact, I was still twitching slightly when Paine ushered me back to the Hover. Nhadala was DEFINITELY as neurotic as ever, and about three times as annoying. "Oh, before you start digging, I'd really like you to go check out the Oasis for me. Some strange stuff's been washing up there lately. I'd appreciate it if you looked into it." She dictated before waving us off with a languid hand and retreating in order to pursue her beloved facts and figures.

"So, she's got you doing errands now, has she? I heard there've been some weird folks hanging out around the Oasis. Better make sure you're ready before heading out there." The Pilot said, his information triggering warning bells in my head. Obviously this had nothing to do with digging; we were being called in as the extermination unit… again…

"I'll be back in a second, guys; I've just got to inform His Majesty of my whereabouts so he doesn't feel the need to start keeping tabs on us." I chuckled, waving cheerily as I turned on my heel and made a beeline for the inventory tent. "Heya Gippal, sorry about-"

The world stopped as she ran into his outstretched arms.

**A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUUN! Stay tuned folks... -cackles-**

**TRANSLATIONS:**

"Greenhorns eh nakeuhc B-5!" "Greenhorns in region B-5!"  
"Muugc mega drao yna lusehk du…" "Looks like they are coming to..."  
"Paddan ku damm dra vunafusyh." "Better go tell the forewoman."  
"Cra'c pylg!" "She's back!"  
"Y cduns? E RYDA cdunsc!" "A storm? I HATE storms!"

**(Forgive me if my Al Bhed makes no sense whatsoever, I've got the translations here just so the gibberish means at least something, but feel free to correct my glaring typos!)**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Unlucky for some?

_A/N: (the first) I updated again! I'm on fire this month! -sheepish- Please don't persecute me, I'm trying! Anyways, I just wanted to warn anyone who actually reads these things in advance that this chapter constantly fluctuates between random humour and ANGST... In fact, there is more angst in this chapter than I ever thought I'd be able to write... (honest, I have already come to termswith the fact that I am indeed a fluff-master, so I'm quite proud of my angstiness, go me!) Anyways, from this moment forth, the fluff is being locked in a small pirate chest, and will only be taken out again when I feel like it... Nah... I'm kidding... but there will be a distinct absence of warm and fluffy feelings for the next few instalments.I'm not saying that I'm going to focus on the angstinstead, though, as my epic saga in the making -snorts- will first and foremost, ALWAYS be a romantic comedy. I've just lost the romance for the time being... lol..._

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"..." speech  
-_italics_- thought

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**DISCLAIMER: Seeing as I haven't recently acquired a large amount of shares in Square-Enix, I'm going to hazard a guess that I don't own FFX OR X-2, or its characters... Don't own Uncle Ulty either if you're asking... which is rather depressing... oh well...**

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**-Jezzi-** _The update was... relatively soon-ish, ne? -laughs nervously- Hope you like! _

**-Rikku SWiRLS-** _HARVEST MOON! WOOOOOT! -sighs- Oh, the nostalgia... I was so sad when it came to that game... I'd play whack-a-mole on the rainy days... and then make the poor little bloke jump in and out of the hot-spring until the sun went down... lol... Silly little farmer, he never took off his lame hat... Anyways... Go me for updating again! I'm so speshall! And heeeeey... what happened to that other rev-? **-AMNESIA-** Huh?_

**-K-Jaye-** _-gasp- 50th reviewer! I have 50 reviews! Eeeeeeeeee! -huggles to near death- But you poor thing! Swollen eyesare no fun at ALL... I remember one time... my little brother stabbed me in the eye with a stick... and I couldn't see out of it for WEEKS... and it was all... leaking pink jelly and yucky... -BLEUCH- So I feel for you... Really... It's painful, awkward, and I don't know if I speak for the both of us, but I REALLY missed having depth perception... Anyways, enough of me grossing/freaking you out with stories of sticks and eye-jelly... Thank you so much for being my devoted reviewer! -squees- This chapter is dedicated to you, as 50th reviewer (I know, I can't really get over how COOL that is...) and I hope you feel better already! Heh heh... Dickens... love it... Enjooooooy!_

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**Chapter Thirteen: Unlucky for some... (but mainly me...)**

I'm not actually being melodramatic for once, either… The world literally STOPPED… no movement, no motion, no twiddling about on its merry little axis, nada.

Nhadala was firmly ensconced in Gippal's embrace, still in the process of peppering soft kisses across his forehead as the man himself smiled indulgently at her actions.

Forgetting that I probably should have been having the mother of all wig-out sessions, I stormed over to the clandestine affair in process, peeling the hussy's goggles from her stupid, home wrecking face and leaving them suspended tautly in position, the elastic straining as far as it would go without snapping. It would serve the vicious wench right when time stopped being wonky and she ended up with a migraine and panda eyes.

Gippal, on the other hand, was in far more trouble than his little floozy, and a simple slapstick, time-abusing punishment wasn't going to cut it.

It'd probably make me feel better for a few minutes, but I believed I was entitled to phenomenally planned, mortifyingly vindictive vengeance.

"We had ONE deal breaker, asshole… ONE!" I screeched, clenching my hands into fists. "Should I have carved the fact that infidelity is morally WRONG into your forehead?" I demanded furiously, not caring that no one could hear me. It wouldn't give the game away, so I could throw the biggest temper tantrum in the history of ever if I was so inclined. Slapping him soundly, internally delighting in the whip crack of my palm against his flesh, I cradled my tingling hand to my chest. "How DARE you do this to me? You… you… promised me… I… We…" I posed a flurry of questions, each becoming less coherent and structured as I grew more enraged. "Do I really mean so little to you?" My last demand came out sounding broken and tremulous, despite my efforts to the contrary. I felt my anger draining away as it gave way to helplessness.

I crept forward to trace the reddening lines left by the flat of my hand, staring into the emerald eye, completely unaware of anything other than the woman in his arms.

"Why am I not good enough?" I asked softly, curling my fingers around his jaw to tilt his face to mine. "Am I too young, too immature, too inexperienced? Am I really still just a little girl to you?" I questioned forlornly. How could one measly year create such a large, unbridgeable gap between two people? "You said you SAW me Gippal… You know I wouldn't have forced you to settle… I think I… care… too much to let you lose true happiness… Even if it's not with… me…" I stuttered, wondering how this was so hard to admit even to myself.

Revenge was petty and solved nothing, and I doubted that I could go through with it… Gippal had been pretty much threatened into this sham-marriage anyway, and it was nobody's fault but my own when I stopped realising that playing house was always going to be a game and nothing more.

Soothing the rising welts by brushing an open-mouthed kiss across his marred flesh, I lowered myself from my tip-toes.

"I'll see you later…" I smiled sadly, waving half-heartedly as I turned, mentally fortifying myself to fix the sands of time…

-_Just how did one go about doing that?-_

"You didn't put her goggles back, I see…" A childish voice hissed to me, barely concealing amusement from its tone.

"I'm a romantic, not a saint…" I snorted, feeling momentarily guilty for NOT feeling guilty about my split second of puerility. "And speaking of which, don't you usually show up to brighten Yunie's day?" I asked sardonically, knowing full well that the little boy hadn't called round just to catch up cos he was in the neighbourhood. I could almost feel the air distort as he flinched.

"You were not supposed to be aware of our… connection to your cousin." He hedged, retreating further into his cowl as I pinned him with an accusing glare.

"People talk AT me, never thinking that I may just about understand what the hell they're saying. They don't want a sounding board; they want a brick wall that nods in the right places. I know far more than you'd think, Fayth…" I hissed out the honorific like it was an insult. Regardless of his physical appearance and unbroken voice, this was no child that stood before me; it was apparent merely from the golden wheel emblazoned against a royal purple milieu. He opened his mouth to speak and deceive, but I cut him off with a vicious swipe of my hand. "You'll speak when I'm finished, Dragon King…" I growled, tempted to wrap my fingers about its slender throat and squeeze. I was only deterred by the notion that the little monster probably wasn't even corporeal.

"Indeed… I have not been of genuine flesh and blood for over a millennium." He answered somewhat bitterly.

"Rule one: Don't speak unless I ask you a specific question. Rule two: Stay out of my damned head!" I shouted, trying to restrain my flaring temper. The Fayth were responsible for Yuna's pilgrimage, and consequently the deaths of every Summoner and guardian that had gone before her. They had plucked Tidus seamlessly out of an illusion and done nothing to dispel the notion that the Dream was real. "Why Zanarkand? Why didn't you tell him sooner?" I asked, curious as to why they had left it so late, or even told him at all.

"His fate was not cemented until the incident at Macalania. We had not been previously aware of the sheer extent of his devotion to the Summoner." He elucidated, as if his actions had been commendable.

"You waited until they had fallen in love to decide which of them was going to die?" I fairly roared. "Regardless of race or faction, humanity as a whole is not there merely to cater to your every whim! I was not raised to be a pawn or a sacrifice to some long deceased RELIC!" I shouted so loud it felt like my lungs were burning, as if friction from every irate breath I inhaled began to erode the sensitive tissue within.

"That would lead us to why I am here… You are of too much value to us for your life to be wasted." He stated calmly, having regained his composure quickly after our brief round of 20 questions.

"Wait a minute… I'm going to DIE? Well, d'uh… but… I mean… soon-ish?" I pondered nervously, eyes slightly too large and fearful for my own liking.

"You have wandered off the ingrained path of your own destiny; I am here to put matters… back on track…" He replied, and I had to bite back a snide comment about riddling me something that involved a fist to the face.

"What do you want me to do? Who is going to take my… place?" I asked, barely holding back a shudder. We were weighing up real people's lives; the survival of possible millions was in the balance. Did I really deserve someone else's second chance?

"You are a vital facet, one of those who are instrumental in regards to the fall of Vegnagun." He answered, probably attempting to be somewhat cryptic, although I really wasn't in the mood for the mumbo-jumbo crap.

"Right… You need me to dismantle the most fearsome machina unknown to man..." I drawled, wondering if I'd be going too far if I suggested tea and biscuits after the smack-down. "Why didn't you take care of it years ago? Why didn't you get rid of Sin with the circuit-based colossus?" I queried, mentally entertaining a giant monster battle for a few scant moments.

"We are not at liberty to answer your questions… yet… but in time; you will be sufficiently informed of Vegnagun's purpose, and its cataclysmic failure to fulfil that task." He verbally countered my question, and I accepted it, even if the excuse was rather flimsy.

"Fine… How can I keep myself not dead?" I asked tiredly… all this talking in the first person plural was beginning to do my head in.

"Your love blinds you; your eyes close ever more tightly shut with every betrayal." He clarified, again, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

"Love? Please… I've been with him less days than I have fingers on one hand, give me some credit…" I sulked; pouting like a petulant child as I vehemently denied that I was in love with Cap'n Backstabbing Jerkass… Wait… 'every' as in there was a plural? "As in there's more than one?" I shot a horrified glance in Gippal's direction. True love was excusable, but this was too damned much. "Vengeance is right back at the top of my 'to-do' list, and Yevon knows, it's not going to be pretty…" I managed to growl out from pursed lips and a locked jaw. The Fayth's expression remained blank and concealed, as was the norm.

"Use your rage to heal your emotional wounds, and fortify your fighting spirit." His words were leading, but a crimson haze had swathed and enveloped my vision and I was too bitter and rancorous to pick up on it.

"Feeling type thingies shall NOT bring about my ruination… My disillusionment shall prevent my undoing…" I acquiesced, still refusing to speak the 'l' word aloud as I steeled myself against the flood of remorse that came with taking a life to sustain my own.

"Would you like to know whose fate you have irrevocably altered?" He asked maliciously, as I saw the scales set around a fearsome maw curve upwards in delight in my mind's eye.

"I don't believe in the preordained…" I replied, keeping my voice tranquil and disinterested as I clawed at the skin encircling the knuckles on my left hand.

"Then I hope you'll enjoy your surprise…" He concluded; terminating the conversation as his silhouette vanished into the ether.

Exiting stealthily from the tent, I stifled a guffaw as I heard a high-pitched yelp escape its tarpaulin walls.

"He had company…" I shrugged nonchalantly as one of Paine's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. Yuna didn't appear to be following the inevitable tack of our conversation, so opened her mouth to demand the ABC picture book version from whoever was willing to break out the sock puppets. The pilot seemed to sense the growing tension that was resultant of our three-way stalemate, and coughed to distract us. I merely glared at the poor man, before stomping slightly away from the group hide in the shadows cast by one of the Hovers.

Paine seemed to be going through the motions of recording, manipulating and filing the information away for future analysis, while Yuna merely plastered on her eager-beaver expression.

"I forgot to introduce you ladies to your partner… He's got a bit of a mouth on him, so please try and be patient." He fairly begged, giving me a reasonable idea as to the identity of our new companion.

"Hey, sweet-cakes, nice to meet you!" The perverted little robot drawled; buzzing around excitedly as Yuna promptly blushed from head to toe. "Ma'am…" He acknowledged, upon hearing me sigh in a long-suffering manner.

"Picket…" I ground out by way of a less than thrilled greeting.

The journey to the Oasis was mercifully short, as Picket had gone ahead to peruse our surroundings and Paine was preoccupied with slathering SPF 60 lotion over every skin cell that could see the sun. Yunie was chatting merrily away at the pilot, who was desperately trying to fix his concentration on anything but the scantily clad High Summoner. He wasn't faring too badly, but I'd heard the Hover's wails more than once as he changed gears and missed.

Otherwise, the silence had gone unbroken, if Paine's muttered curses directed at the source of her no doubt painful sunburn were exempt from what is normally accepted as basic conversation.

As we skidded to a squealing stop, I dismounted with as much grace as a person such as myself could possibly possess. An iridescent shimmer niggled at me from the corner of one eye, so I was obliged to turn to its origin, squinting slightly to diminish the intensity of the painfully bright mirage.

"Look! Look! It's a sphere!" I cried jubilantly, before I remembered that I was pissed off at life in general… and Gippal if anyone felt like being specific. Yuna had already pounced on the small globe like a kitten on a rubber-mouse, so I lowered my pointing finger and fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Well, fancy meeting you here. You can lead a Gullwing to water, but you can't make it drink!" An exasperatingly familiar called out from no perceivable direction. As I was busy pondering as to what the hell that particular phrase actually meant; Logos arrived on the scene, with two Fem-Goons in tow.

"I don't get it…" Yunie answered, and probably for all of us, if Paine's confounded expression was anything to go by.

"I agree with Yuna… especially seeing as you're the one that looks like the horse…" Paine quipped, smirking slightly when graced with a scowl from Logos.

"Awwww… why the long face?" I added for good measure, laughing off Paine's respect-point threatening glare as Logos turned an intriguing shade of enraged maroon.

"I still don't get it…" Yunie pouted, which, while adorable, was just too funny for words. "It's hot… I'm thirsty… Why would I not drink?" She demanded sulkily, directing a stare dripping with venom, which still didn't look all that intimidating, Logos' way. "You poisoned the water, didn't you?" She accused; hands at ready position on her hips, itching to break away so she could wag her finger chidingly at his sheer lack of sportsmanship.

Paine screwed her eyes shut and groaned, and I wished I could join her as her lips traced a litany that hopefully would remove her as far as was mentally possible from the escalating situation. Upon failing to do just that, I doubled over laughing. The Fem-Goons just looked to each other, attempting to take solace in the other's utter bemusement.

"Say… those are nice uniforms…" Paine pointed out, obviously not having managed to reach her happy place.

"Enough of this nonsense!" Logos relatively shrieked, fingers flexing before they shot up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

-_Funny how so many people we knew all had troubles with headaches; I should probably refer them to a specialist-_

Using the back of my hand as an impromptu sun visor, I glanced across the crystalline surface of the tranquil waters of the Oasis. Paine seemed to have recovered from the emotional trauma that was shockingly bad punch-lines and even worse amateur detecting denouements, as she was already sprinting towards the enemy, blade shrieking as it was torn free of its scabbard. The High Summoner herself was already staring Leblanc's Syndicate sidekick down; both training a pair of pistols on the enemy.

It was only then that I realised that it would probably look slightly suspicious if we turned up in Guadosalam in torn, bloodstained garments. Making another split second decision, I turned up the inside of my left wrist, analysing the small sphere embedded in the fabric like an extravagant pommel adorning a battle gauntlet.

"You've got to be kidding me…" I muttered bitterly before closing my eyes and attempting to smooth out the ever-present furrow in my brow.

Invoking the power of a dressphere was one thing, but if you were even slightly lacking in natural aptitude, there was always a pretty good chance that you were gonna finish your little experiment either dead, on fire or, if you're really lucky, both. Like that time Yunie had tried her hand at being a Warrior and attempted to cast Flametongue on a water-based sword…

Seeing as I swear she's not dead, I'll leave you to guess who got the added fire element… Suffice to say, she's not strayed far from her Gunner outfit since…

Falling backwards, time seemed to slow as my arms curled behind my head. Fingertips grazing the sand beneath me, my back screaming in protest as it bent at a rather unfortunate, unnatural angle, I kicked off the ground and prayed that the feline grace that I was genetically lacking would kick in sometime in the near future.

The sand held under my grasping hands as I watched my legs flickering over my head out of the corner of one eye. Curving my body, my right palm left the sand as I whipped my legs about to follow the anti-clockwise motion that inertia demanded I follow. Planting the hovering hand behind me I almost chanted the directions the sphere had given me.

-_Left leg over, right leg under, right hand backwards, left hand forward, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall…-_

Each revolution sped up until I could barely even hope to count them, although I'm not too sure if it was because to the obsolete human eye, I was quite possibly blurring, or whether I was too dizzy to do basic maths anymore.

Suddenly, one leg flew up far too high and my balance was sorely compromised. Slamming the heels of both hands into the sand, I straightened and cart-wheeled my way out of a particularly nasty fall.

Breathing hard, resultant of a mixture of fear, exertion and exhilaration, I punched the air triumphantly, squealing all the while.

Logos was peering over Yuna's shoulder, quirking an eyebrow at me in obvious confusion and no small amount of distaste. Yuna herself was grinning rather wickedly, small flames licking at her gun muzzles as the bullets exploded outwards. One Fem-Goon was actually in the midst of an uproarious round of applause, while her compatriot just appeared mildly perturbed, probably because Paine's sword was caught in a perilously gleaming arc that had stopped inches from her masked visage.

"That was you, this time… right?" A confused voice asked from seemingly thin air. Giggling slightly to myself, glad that I could at least still smile at the bum hand life had dealt me this sweltering afternoon, I nodded my affirmation. "I'll be off then… Er… see you…" The deceptively ingenuous King of Dragons murmured; tossing me a distracted wave as he again retreated back to the Farplane.

Swiping the bullets from their destructive path, they hit the sand, harmless once more. I completed my child-proofing of the immediate area by slipping Yuna's guns daintily into their holsters. Paine's sword was confiscated soon after.

Releasing the pair from the spell, I beamed as Yuna's index fingers got trigger happy with empty space. However, even unarmed Paine was still far too lethal for her own good, as the poor Fem-Goon got an elbow in the face as she followed through.

"Rikku…" Paine commenced warily, seeing as no one else seemed willing to start.

"What exactly did you just… DO?" Yuna completed the open-ended question, looking rather fearfully towards Logos, who was doing a damned good impression of a statue.

"This is your dressphere, and you haven't even checked out its move list yet?" I queried dubiously, eyes widening almost comically as Paine started to strip one of the poor Goons down to her skivvies. Yuna followed my gaze and blushed furiously.

"Rikku, just give the girl a straight answer…" Paine sighed, holding the suit flush against her shoulders in order to judge the size.

"Fine… Leblanc's Syndicate have been stunned into awed silence by my fantabulous BRAKE Dancing…" I elucidated, chuckling at the atrocious pun.

"I never thought I'd see the day when little Rikku, -who is the only person I've ever known to trip over something as pathetic and innocuous as a dust bunny; when she's not stumbling over her own feet of course- managed to pull a flap-jack into flares combination out of her ever-expanding bag of tricks…" Paine drawled, unable to mask the almost impressed spark in her ruby eyes.

"When did we start talking about baking with black magic? Cos that's probably not a good idea…" Yunie interrupted, still wearing a rather distressed expression. Paine hid a chuckle behind a gloved hand as I stared in disbelief.

"When we get back to the airship, I swear I'll make you street-smart; even if it ends up being the last thing I ever do… which, knowing my luck is pretty likely…" I vowed, before plucking my now trusty biro from my pouch and brandishing it with a devilish smirk. "Honestly Yunie, before I came and kidnapped you, were you living under a rock?" I asked distractedly, ripping the cap off the nib and stalking up to the still glowering Logos.

"I was living with Wakka and Lulu…" She answered in a puzzled manner. "They have a house…" She added, as if the information was meant to be useful.

"Wakka?" Paine asked with a snort; recalling the flame haired ex-Blitzer with some amusement, probably in response to his inverted fish hook hairstyle, possibly due to the fact that he looked a bit like a suntanned barrel with limbs, wrapped up in fluorescent yellow fishing waders. "Much as it pains me to admit this in public, Rikku's probably right on the mark with the rock comment." She decided, rolling her eyes with aloof scorn when she realised just what I was up to. "What are you, five?" She practically spat, although her tone carried little by way of animosity. Paine was either getting soft in her old age, or I was just learning to overcome the mind numbing fear in order to read her better.

"In a few months, yeah! I'll be a big kid!" I squeaked with mock-pride. It was something that often amused me, not that I thought often on the quirky antics of the daft little lemmings, I'm not that creepy, I promise…

It's just that… for the first decade of their silly, immature existences, children would arrogantly puff up like a pissed off Bomb and declare to anyone within a five mile radius in their squeaky, helium infused voices that they were turning six in precisely twenty twenty twenty three days. Well, they would if they couldn't count to sixty yet, and I haven't seen many five year olds achieve such a feat… Well, except Shinra, but, as has been frequently aforementioned, he's kinda too clever for his own good.

Anyways, as I was babbling merrily away; as soon as a person hits about twenty or so, they start rounding down, and will do so and vehemently deny that they've turned twenty one for the ninth year running until they're so senile they start rounding up again.

Pops is still denying that there even is an anniversary of his birth, instead favouring to occupy himself with delusions of grandeur that he was, is, and always will be indiscriminately between his late twenties and early thirties. To snap the cantankerous old git out of it, I'm planning his fiftieth birthday party as we speak. There shall be silly hats and much gaiety… well… at least until Brother passes out in the punch again…

Realising that I'd tuned out of my own conversation, I pretended to be avidly interested in a rather non-descript sand particle at my feet.

"Rikku? I just asked you a question!" Paine grumbled; irritation apparent from her defensive stance, arms folded imposingly over her chest.

"59?" I hazarded a random guess based off of an even more arbitrary number, praying she hadn't asked me something like how many sides there were in a triangle. Judging by the awkward silence that descended, which was really rather eerie, to be brutally honest, I was no more informed of our topic of conversation than I had been seconds prior.

"Lucky guess…" Paine muttered suddenly, her muted voice still managing to make Yuna and I fairly jump out of our respective skins.

Once we'd managed to regulate our breathing, and the High Summoner appeared to have gotten over the brunt of her angina attack, I clapped my hands delightedly in the harrowing face of my handiwork. Standing before us, cutting a dashing, if utterly foppish figure was little Lord Logos; holding his pose like a professional model at a photo shoot.

Sure, he was being significantly magically aided in that respect, but I doubt he would have hired me as a prospective makeup artist under different, less coerced circumstances. You see, I had this niggling feeling that if he was conscious, he probably wouldn't approve of me blacking out his teeth with a pen. I doubt he'd be too fond of the monocle either, but in my humble opinion, everyone loves monocles… He who dares disagree with me shall be subjected to mandatory torture, all in affable monthly instalments!

"There's something missing…" I muttered pensively, wondering how I could improve upon near-perfection.

"May I do the honours?" Yuna asked shyly, playing up to my newly created theme of fair, if slightly underdressed maidens and lords with appalling dental hygiene by offering me a dainty curtsey. Handing my cousin the pen with a dramatic flourish and a bow so deep I almost ended up with a mouth full of sand, she made quick work of our life-size plastic playmate.

"Magnifique…" Paine's drawl was infused with so much sarcasm that I couldn't help searching the skies for a flash of forked lightning that had no doubt come to smite her down for her blasphemy.

Taking the time to admire the High Summoner's stroke of artistic genius, I stifled a giggle when I caught sight of the snazzy goatee the hired help was now sporting.

"This may be the Ithyphallophobia talking…" I started amusedly, but fell short when I took in Yuna's distraught expression. I decided that it would probably be best to ask after her personal wellbeing when she started to stare with an intent kind of morbid fascination at Logos' crotch.

"Try again, Rikku…" Paine growled, tracing the creepy looking vein throbbing in her forehead with the tips of gloved fingers. Screwing up my face in consternation, I went over the goings on of a long passed cram-fest with Shinra.

"Beards on pogo sticks!" I cackled triumphantly, before recalling that I'd got the terminology for beard-fearing people confused with… well… seeing as it wasn't coming back to me, something to do with the crony's bottom half, if Yunie's panicked glances were anything to go by. Maybe it was an irrational fear of trousers?

-_Hey! It could be real… I mean, if there was actually an accepted piece of terminology for fear of the colour YELLOW, then trousers had to be on the list somewhere!_-

Having just forgotten my own punch-line, I sighed melodramatically and began the short trudge back to the Hover. I was walking perfectly contentedly, and then I was practically concussed by something damp, cumbersome, and possibly possessing tentacles.

Analysis over, the minute, rational side of my brain quickly went back to sleep, allowing panic to start whacking the crisis gong for all it was worth, effectively evacuating common sense into a fallout shelter nestled somewhere within my mind. Hence, I take no responsibility for what happens next. I could run it by you, frame by frame, even employ a big nifty pointing stick just to highlight the ensuing embarrassment some more… I could turn it into a vast cinematic experience, maybe even supplying my guests with popcorn (salted, no compromise) if I was feeling slightly charitable…

However, that would imply that I was an utter masochist, so I would do everything in my considerable power in order to ensure that this memory in the making never saw the light of day. Then I remembered that I had an alien arachnid or cephalopod wetly clinging to my head, probably attempting to suck my brain and other vital fluids from the brittle fusion, resembling the crosshairs of an all too visible target, which marked the crown of my cranium.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! IT'S GONNA SPLIT MY HEAD OPEN LIKE A COCONUT!" I screamed, somewhat inarticulately, proceeding to run in growing concentric circles, flailing all the while like a mental patient after being confronted by some buttons, dripping ragged thread from their open plastic maws. "Albeit a coconut much learned in the art of facial waxing, but… where was I? Oh yeah… skull smooshing… eeshk…" I distracted myself somewhat with the quietly uttered psychobabble, until I remembered that a mutant octopus or something from another dimension was trying to crack my head into jagged fragments like the remnants that had once made the shell of a hardboiled egg. "IT'S GONNA SUCK OUT MY BRAIN WITH A STRAW LIKE IT'S DRINKING AN OVER-EXTRAVAGANT, UTTERLY EXTORTIONATE COCKTAIL! I AM NOT A PINA COLADA!" I resumed my almost habitual bellowing, now at least having the sense to claw at the monster, which seemed to still be conducting its full frontal assault on my juicy grey matter. Unfortunately, that brief instant of constructive action was overridden as I commenced the mortifyingly graceless jumble of sprinting, flailing and contorted facial expressions to facilitate the screeching. "THE ALIEN INVASION IS COMING! SAVE YOURSELVES AND WARN THE GOVERNMENT WE HAVEN'T MANAGED TO ESTABLISH YET!" I continued to yell, almost going into cardiac arrest when a sinuous magenta limb swept my fringe out of my eyes.

"D'you think we could risk the Zuu tranquilisers without… well… killing her?" I barely heard the Hover operator put the anxious question to my two compatriots, who should have been escaping from the giant apocalyptic doom octopus.

"If your life insurance covers 'acts of Cid', go right ahead…" Yuna replied harshly. I knew without looking that she had turned condemning, mismatched eyes on the poor pilot; but then again, why should I have pity for a bloke that was willing to fire until the end result was a comatose pincushion?

"Especially seeing as your boss will make sure that you'll never find another job, so you'll probably need the cash." Paine added judgmentally, shooting a concerned glance my way when I winced violently at the reference.

-_Wait… giant… purple… octopus?_-

"THERE IS NO YEVON! Possibly cos we well… you know… killed him… but…" I paused for a second, awkward, sheepish expression pasted across my features. "THE HEAVENS SHOW NO MERCY! They've sent the Dread Octopus King Ultros in His place!" My shouting was punctuated by some particularly violent flailing at this point, for added emphasis so I could continue my baffling tirade. "His rancid breath promises death in my ears! His rotting, yellowing fangs glisten as he prepares to make Seafood Soup out of mere mortals! The burning, hungry red eyes! There is no pity as they stare into your very SOUL!" I concluded, drama queen that I was. You could hardly blame me though, I mean, I was not going to go out with anything less than a bang… or, in this case, an eardrum shattering scream, cos who was remembered for whimpering quietly in the face of grave peril?

Unfortunately, or maybe not, cos I kinda like being alive most of the time, my last, guttering scream was cut mercifully short as the demon Fiend was brutally ripped from my head, the hand of my saviour fiercely battling His almighty suction cups of despair and managing to gain the upper hand.

"KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!" I babbled noisily, not daring to open my eyes, which were screwed so tightly shut that I'd probably come away from the encounter with crow's feet.

"You sure? I was thinking that you'd look rather fetching… all dressed up in your glorified purple body-sock. I'm afraid it doesn't quite flatter your girlish figure as much perched on your HEAD though…" A male voice chuckled amusedly, and I could practically see the mock-pouty-face behind closed lids. Opening my eyes, I turned to the discarded terror of the deep, blanching in a suitably mortified manner as the garment collapsed feebly under all of its nylon-threaded majesty.

"My… hero…" I managed to grind out; barely refraining from twitching before exploding into a full out hissy-fit. Gippal chuckled at my humiliated gruffness, oblivious to how close I was to tearing his throat out with my teeth. Smiling benignly, he ruffled my hair in a manner eerily reminiscent of affectionately torturing a little kid sister. This proved to be the final straw broken over the disgruntled behemoth's back, and not solely due to the fact that incest scared the bejeezus outta me…

Silently, I removed the hand from my hair, placing it firmly to his side before gracing him with the mother of all death glares. If his flinch was anything to go by, I'd guess that Paine had taught me well.

"If you've completed your business transactions here, then you're welcome to a hitch a ride back to Djose Temple." I narrated tonelessly, making sure that I was out of his immediate reach as he turned a worried countenance my way. Reaching out to brush stray strands of flaxen hair that I was glad were masking my watery eyes, I back-pedalled sharply, hearing Paine's faintly uttered growl as she caught a swift glimpse of the distrust and anguish saturating the spirals in my eyes. Gippal dropped his hand back to his side abruptly, and it felt like my heart was screaming for causing the hurt that flittered over his face; which was still sporting the memories of my earlier handiwork.

"That'd be nice… thanks Rikku…" He replied despondently, causing the wailing distortion in my chest to intensify.

"Cid's Girl…" I corrected, the tense lines of my face expressing firm insistence, more like a desperate plea to let the matter drop… letting the impersonality of the old nickname hang in the dead space between us.

I didn't speak another word during the Hover journey back to camp, and found myself unable for the first time in my life to make even the feeblest of pretences to suggest that I had returned to my usual happy-go-lucky demeanour when Nhadala congratulated us on a job well done.

It was unnerving to say the least, as I had acted my way through one scene to the next for as long as I could remember, and not being able to fake even the lowest wattage of one of my patented smiles was almost frightening.

I had maintained an unseeing smile as my cousin's final embrace was denied, smiled in the face of the crystalline tears that rained from her eldritch eyes as she sobbed so hard I could see the tremors wrack her frame. Those tears had possessed a shimmering clarity, a transparency only rivalled by that of my fading friend. I had kept it together, I hadn't said goodbye; because I had to be the one to believe that he was coming back, and what was the point of saying goodbye to someone you were going to see again so soon, it was like you were never even apart?

I was the one who wore the brave face at my mother's Sending; I was the one who could forgive the most grievous of offences, I was the one who grinned in the face of adversity… What made today more awful than the end of the world?

My feet had subconsciously led me back to the Cabin in the Celsius, where I sprawled across my cramped, rickety bed, trying to ignore the folded heart print boxers, gazing up me, mocking me from the corner of one eye.

"You know… sometimes… it's alright if you don't feel like smiling… It doesn't matter if you don't feel up to acting the part…" A deep, soothing monotone washed over my senses and I bristled, startled at having been caught being distinctly un-Rikku-like. "Sometimes, we can't have all the answers, we can't explain why bad things happen to good people… but we don't have to pretend to be happy about it either…" She continued, closing her eyes in an equally un-Paine-like display of concern and regret when I flinched at the tentative contact as she brushed one of my bangs behind my ear. "But no one ever said that you had to grin and bear it for them… It's not your responsibility, Rikku, it never has been and it never should have been either. You're a person, not a consoling shoulder or a listening ear or a one-man pep rally." She informed me, a kind, heartbreakingly sad smile playing about her lips. "No matter how much I may manage to find fault with your harebrained schemes, I have never once meant to hurt your feelings in the process. Very few people have been able to tolerate me in my lifetime, let alone willingly call me friend, especially when I've knocked them down to a rather pathetic 59 respect points." She chuckled slightly, and it felt like deep down inside me, something laughed with her. However, my expression sustained the blank contrast to the limpid infusion that had always been associated with my expressive emerald eyes. "I guess… what I'm trying to say, in a horribly roundabout way, is that, despite the ridiculously overdone 'ice queen' act, I enjoy your persistence when you try to convince me to open up. I'm astounded, but grateful nonetheless that you always make sure that I'm not excluded from a group that's still probably too scared of me to make the effort to get to KNOW me.  
It makes me… happy to know that you will never abandon me to wallow in debilitating self-pity, that you're always walking every step with me, whether I want you there or whether I'm telling you to go fall down a hole, and that you never leave the fallen behind.  
I admire you for your kindness, your dedication and your compassion. I never thought I'd say this either, but your deranged antics and stupid puns actually amuse me, and it takes all the restraint I have not to laugh at your irrational fear of creatures with more than four legs.  
But most of all, I like you for being Rikku… Not for being a Princess, or a super-hero, or a hot piece of ass, cos let's face it, Baralai's all the eye-candy a girl with such a limited imagination can cope with." She laughed, half at her own conditioned reaction to never mention such frivolous things as candy and asses, and half at the stunned expression I was undoubtedly wearing. "I'm not hitting on you by the way, so don't flatter yourself…" She drawled, smirking as I managed to weakly stick my tongue out at her.

"Sure thing… but if I catch you peeking at me in the shower, I'm gonna chase you down, brandishing that big plank that Barkeep hides behind his merry oaken partition of supreme shininess." I replied, feeling the ice that had frozen the emotions in my eyes begin to melt as she laughed. Paine had a surprisingly wonderful laugh, a deep, rich, comforting noise, enhanced as her crimson eyes flashed with poorly suppressed mirth, causing her to toss her head back, silver streaks of hair dancing in the light seemingly resultant from her luminescent grin.

"Just remember that some people do understand you, and all of them like what they see, ok?" She asked, locking her eyes with mine until I tilted my head in concordance. The laughter was suddenly extinguished from her carmine eyes and she became serious and almost visibly deflated. "I'm so sorry he couldn't…" She murmured; voice so soft it was barely audible.

The ice holding all of my unwanted emotions in place vanished suddenly, replaced by streaming, inelegant tears that voiced the inaudible screams of my heart as the pain seemed to increase tenfold.

Delicate arms that contained a surprising strength wrapped awkwardly around my shoulder blades, holding me up as I fell to pieces, patient and consoling as I screamed out my fears and failings to the silent room.

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_A/N: (the second) Seeing as random trivia amuses me so, (and it might get me more reviews, which would be really, REALLY appreciated, y'know?) I've got some questions for my lovely readers:_

"In which Final Fantasy title did we first come across the fantabulous specimen of "octopus royalty"-snickers- Ultros?"  
"What the hell does 'Ithyphallophobia' actually MEAN?" (not for the faint of heart... or just plain squeamish... lol)  
"What is the correct terminology for 'beards on pogo sticks'?" (phobia of people with beards or fear of facial hair in general)

Whoever gets the most questions right... or... can actually be bothered to ANSWER them... gets... er... I dunno... what do you guys want? One-shots? Song lyrics? Pocket lint? Winner (or sole applicant) gets to run their one wish by the uber-charitable authoress, who will do her best to fulfil said wish (as long as it doesn't get her arrested) or at least stop talking in the third person...

**-insert-amusing-name-here-**


	14. Chapter 14: 'The time has come,'

**A/N: **Yaaaay! I have returned from my Xmas/New Year vacation! Bearing gifts! Er... a chapter! This is the last of the angst, we shall be returning to our regularly scheduled programming after this chapter, fully equipped with harebrained, slightly deranged schemes of revenge! Seeing as all of you seem to hate Gippal now... -pats poor, unloved Gippal whilst cackling- I'm quite pleased to announce that he's going to get his comeuppance... and then some...  
Rikku, on the other hand, is still firmly embedded in denial, constantly reassuring herself that her mild affections for the man were strictly hormonal, and she was only upset in the first place because her future-husband's infidelities were direct affronts to her abilities as a life-partner. I don't really believe her either...  
Also, come the 5th of January, I will have uploaded my first post on under the pen name: Maridah... So, if anyone's interested in checking out my original writing, feel free to run on over, and REVIEW!  
Happy slightly belated New Year, peoples!

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**-Rikku SWiRLS-** Two reviews in a singlechapter! -gasps- If it wasn't so likely to scare you away for ever, I would be sorely tempted to hug you half to death, squeeing merrily all the while. Thank you so, so much! I give the internet MEANING! -cheers- And I know Gippal was an utter... er... toilet brush for hurting Rikku, so I've decided to give everyone what they want and punish the little blighter. (stay tuned for prolonged Gippal-suffering!) And as to the connection to Nhadala? They're definitely not related... -grins- Hope you like this one too! 

**-Jezzi-** Eeeee! So glad you still like it! -puffs up proudly- In this chapter I'm hoping that Rikku's at least starting to get over the shock, the depression and the despondency, but she's probably not going to be properly bouncy and hyper like a ferret on sugar for quite some time; which would be Gippal's fault entirely... -shakes fist at Gippal- So, as has been aforementioned, the boy is in an awful lot of trouble with one petite, jilted blonde... and if Paine's vowed to offer her assistance, then he's definitely going to learn his lesson, lol. Enjoy!

**-K-Jaye-** Woooooo! Not only are you Queen of Angst, but also Queen of Phobia Trivia! Well, possibly Google is instead, but I doubt I could give it an award as it's not really a physical being... Moving swiftly on! As my competition winner, (and sole entrant, -coughs-) you are free to make a request of me! Yaaay! I can't remember what I was offering, and I'm too lazy to check back, so drop me an e-mail or a review with some specifications and I shall do my best to do you proud!  
Hmmm... we really should pimp the fic, possibly just because I want an excuse to go out and buy a pimp-stick, lol... Maybe I should offer potential reviewers tin-foil? Everyone loves that! -eyes widen- You soooo have to teach me how to do the -POOF! Gone!- thing!In return I can offer you eye-lasers... -nods sagely-

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**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own any of the characters, locations or original plot-lines of Final Fantasy X and X-2; Square-Enix does, and they are very, very lucky peoples... However, this story is mine, and maybe the original orphan someone shoved through a bush... probably not though... I also do not own the poems: The Walrus and the Carpenter, and The Mad Gardener's Song; Lewis Carroll does... go read them, they're awesome! 

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- Direct speech  
-_italics- _Rikku thinking to herself

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**Chapter Fourteen: 'The time has come,' the Walrus said... **

After the hysterics, about which I have sworn Paine to utter secrecy, I realised that I just didn't have the energy to keep crying and entertaining all that could have been; seeing as the entirety of my 'what-ifs' ostensibly hinged on Gippal not being a perfidious, skirt-chasing wanker. Said man of the moment, and Paine's interminable ire, had retreated so successfully into the bowels of the ship that no one had seen him since takeoff.

Personally, I was hoping that he'd tripped over a spanner and had tumbled head first into a parallel universe populated entirely by creatures from the abyss. A dimension where every second of our time was one year of theirs… Oh… and where he was being molested by a gaggle of Great Malboros, who had abducted him upon his mysterious appearance in their territory.

Anyways, seeing as that's filled up my self-enforced bitterness quota for this evening, all I really have left to do is change into some formless pyjamas; as there was no way I could don those boxers again without going into a kitsch-induced coma, and memories of failing to do that camisole justice would ultimately end up setting off the waterworks again.

After raiding the laundry basket for some clean, if slightly rumpled, flannel Cait Sith-print jammies, I covered my feet with my favourite pair of Moogle slippers, fondly watching the pompoms bob and jiggle as I sidled up to the bathroom mirror.

My hair was wet and matted to my skull, thanks to my not-so-gentle adventure in the mystical arts of towel-drying, but did nothing to distract the glaringly obvious tear-stains streaked about my bloodshot eyes. My nose was slightly puffy from all the sniffling, regardless of how all the steam from the shower had graciously cleared my sinuses, and there was an unflattering abrasion gracing my lower lip, probably also a result of an overenthusiastic, fang-bearing sob, another by-product of my nervous breakdown.

My expression was mercifully blank for the most part, giving my whole appearance the overall impression of a destitute, abandoned child, lost and alone in a world too cynical and callous to dredge up heart enough to pity her.

Discarding the thoughts with a firm shake of my head, shifting blonde tendrils to damply scratch against my sore, sensitised skin, I began to savagely run a brush through my stubborn hair.

Droplets of water clung to each pale wisp with a grim sort of determination, adding weight to my now poker-straight hair, causing it to appear as limp and lifeless as I felt. Appraising myself with a critical eye, I was not pleased to take note of the fact that I now looked more like a poltergeist than an orphan who had been pushed through a bush backwards. The only colour inhabiting my ashen face was in the intermittent, rosy splotches of skin rubbed raw by saline, and if my normally reasonable posture slumped forward any further I'd probably topple over and never get up again.

Scuffing at one of the purple wings jutting awkwardly from my cream slippers, smiling slightly at the scratchy feel of the plastic whiskers tickling an ankle, I decided to formulate my next plan of action.

For one, if I experienced another ounce of negative, stressful emotion today, I was probably going to have an embolism and pop my proverbial clogs -or ridiculously childish Moogle slippers- so the accusations and petty name-calling, which were bound to arise at some stage, would have to be postponed until the severity of my migraine died down some.

If I wasn't so very tempted to give in to the overwhelming, sadistic urge to physically emasculate the man, I may have braved the headache and gotten the stupid showdown over and done with, all prospects of potential ischemia, necrosis or… well, you know… death aside; but compounding the seething rage with the fireworks going off behind my eyes would probably result in the likelihood of more tears and hiccoughing spiels about spinsterhood, and resultantly, the onset of senile dementia.

Speaking of this aforementioned dementia, I actually found that I was going to miss our random altercations and silly bantering. I would never broach the topic of what he really did think of my shoe collection, vomit et al… nor would I beg him for a ride on his airship, which, in terms of sheer size, made the Celsius look rather like the S. S. Liki in the presence a whopping great tanker of an Al Bhed salvage ship. In style as well, there was hardly any point in making the two vessels compete against each other… I mean, it was like standing an old rust-bucket of a moped against a luxury cruise liner, and that was being generous…

I would never have the chance to surprise him with cutely inane wedding presents, which would be more like over embellished in-jokes than romantic tokens. He would never see those cheesy, ridiculously naff yet strangely amusing wax-sealing stamps with his face on, because I would never have had them made up for a cheap laugh.

I would never be entitled to the hard-earned, spousal right to ransack his correspondence and forge his signature on highly sensitive documents; or force-feed him my horrendous culinary concoctions, almost all featuring cabbage as a primary ingredient, just to piss him off cos he despised most verdant vegetation.

I would never be able to fulfil my plans for world domination, and Sanubia would not be awarded by a Queen to her incorrigible King, regardless of the fact that he was the one responsible for stealing Her Majesty's Royal sand-surfer, Sir Bernard.

My eyes clouded slightly as I mentally replayed my last thoughts, striding purposefully from the bathroom when my straining ears failed to make the muted noise even vaguely intelligible. I shook my head wryly when phrases of 'The Walrus and The Carpenter' delivered in a patient, pleasant cadence registered in my overloaded mind.

Shinra was listening intently, cocooned in his blankets as Yunie curled up alongside him, smiling down at the entranced miniature genius as Paine read to them both from the confines of a dilapidated wicker chair. The moment was so perfect and spontaneous that I was determined to ignore how tight and uncomfortable it must have been to squeeze the pair onto the narrow mattress, and how stray shafts and splinters of wood would be slicing Paine's alabaster skin into veritable ribbons.

I felt that if I even dared to breathe too loudly, the spell would be broken, and all of the hope that had just been rekindled within the turbulence of my conflicting emotions and battered psyche, would take one final, flickering gasp, and vanish for good.

The poem came to its bizarre, bittersweet ending, and contented silence descended after Yuna made sure that we'd all understood the moral of that fateful tale.

"Have you done 'The Mad Gardener's Song' yet?" I asked quietly. The silence had been comforting in its closeness, but it was disconcerting to leech off of the warming glow that came from not needing words to convey positive feeling; thankfulness and acceptance. That light was not mine to take, as I was unwelcome as an unconscious outsider, gazing covetously at such indescribable warmth, unobtainable from the barren cold.

Paine smiled slightly when she recovered from her almost imperceptible flinch at being so suddenly startled and ushered me into my habitual spectator's seat, leaning against the foot of the bed, legs poking through the gaps in the banister, swinging languidly in mid-air as I closed my eyes and just allowed the sensation of white noise to wash over me.

The book was closed and returned to its place of honour amongst the other tomes perched upon the buckling shelves of Shinra's library shortly after, and I shifted so that my legs were tucked up against my chest, hoping the barricade would dampen the sounds of my growling stomach.

Fortunately, we were all suitably distracted as Shinra turned on me instantly to pose every question under the sun as to how a philistine such as myself was so well-versed in the medium of nonsense poetry. Question seemingly answered before I could get a word in edgewise, much to Paine's amusement, he rolled onto his side and bid us all a curt goodnight.

His brusqueness was somewhat spoilt when he turned a pleading, albeit slightly sulky face on the High Summoner, manipulating her under the pretence of begging for his threadbare Cactuar plushie, smiling beatifically as the poor girl traipsed all the way across the Cabin purely because the pintsize genius was too lazy, or ingenious -it's hard to tell with that boy- to use his own legs, especially when someone else's could do just as well.

Planting Islaya the cuddly stuffed sage into Shinra's grasping hands, I reminded myself to locate someone who could sew without bleeding to death on the damned thing, seeing as last time I'd attempted to replace a missing button eye, I'd almost ended up giving the toy a new paint-job, and if Needles was still tap-dancing his little heart out at the bottom of my wardrobe, then I had every right to a slight phobia of mixing blood and tiny cactus people.

Returning to the girls' part of the Cabin, Yunie was quickly snuggled up in her bed, while Paine leisurely returned to her own. The pair fell fast asleep relatively quickly, leaving me alone in the dark with unwanted thoughts as my only company. I heard Brother and Buddy bickering quietly as they entered their own half of the room a short while later, relieved that Buddy had the common sense to shut the door that acted as a partition between both camps to drown out the ensuing noise.

Whether it was due to emotional exhaustion, a mind running a mile a minute or simply my complaining, malnourished stomach; two hours later, I was still tossing and turning and there was no one conscious enough to distract or entertain me. Gippal had, for all intents and purposes, vanished off the face of the earth, although if I was desperate enough to actually seek out his company, which I certainly was not, I'd probably make an enlightened guess at his new sleeping quarters, starting my search in the Engine Room.

However, seeing as not even the opportunity to avert Armageddon itself would be able to convince me to partake of innocent chitchat with he who should be put in that old Moogle costume of Brother's, dipped in honey, then strapped to an anthill, all the while informing passers by that he was a: 'pretty pompom princess'; I decided to raid the fridge instead.

Unfortunately, the only substance within the fridge that I could regard as even vaguely appetising, despite my grumbling stomach -which was probably about halfway through the process of devouring itself by now- was a head of lettuce and some other non-descript vegetable matter. Further perusal, however, revealed that said leafy, flavourless rabbit-food looked about ready to deflate like a punctured, soggy beach ball, or at least near an evolutionary stage in which it would grow legs and make a desperate bid for freedom.

For some odd reason, one that I wasn't willing to question as I was nearing the end of my proverbial tether, the fridge seemed to have been well stocked with all manners of dairy produce, and recently, judging by the fact that the milk was still liquid. After a brief moment of analysis, I sauntered over to the cupboard that contained the entire ship's collection of food-related oddities, hoping against all hope that the stupid fridge wouldn't randomly start bleating, seeing as I'd selfishly left the door open, hence not allowing the little light inside to go out, which was unnecessarily wasting so much energy that the environment was going to die and it would be all my fault due solely to my eco-unfriendly ways.

As if to prove a point, the fridge began to whine, emitting that piercing, screeching sound that did things to my teeth that I thought only nails on a chalkboard were sadistic enough to evoke. Steeling myself against the sonic onslaught, whilst staving off the intensifying of my already painful migraine, I locked my jaw in a feeble attempt to elude the hideous sensation creepily reminiscent of having to sit and smile through root canal surgery without the wonders of novocaine.

Turns out that the cupboard wasn't as bare as it had been yesterday, much to my eternal gratitude and growing suspicions. Manoeuvring the items that I required onto the countertop, I shut the cupboard door with as loud a slam I could get away with at this time of night, before turning to add to my inventory from the confines of the fridge before its wailing drove me insane. Scanning my ingredients, grinning triumphantly as I realised I'd managed to magically obtain some genuine vanilla extract from outer space, I dusted off my battered old cookbook once it had been retrieved from the secret cubby-hole I had concealed it within since the day I'd purchased it.

I know it's not really sensible, or all that healthy of being paranoid and disturbingly vigilant over the security of baking texts, but it really wasn't worth explaining to the 'gang' that I could indeed cook worth a damn. Paine didn't trust me with the microwave, let alone a big, bad oven.

While her fears aren't totally unfounded, and I still maintain that I only set the kitchen alight once, it's still rather hurtful that people feel that I need to be supervised when keying in a few buttons. And, because of course your interest is piqued in regards to the whole: 'setting my prospective meal on fire, then an oven mitt, then the walls' scenario, I guess I'd better elucidate upon my actions.

It was a happy, sunshiny day, when… oh… wait… should I start with: 'once upon a time?' …Right… Anyways, I was trying to defrost something… a frozen something that may or may not have been made out of bread, a long, long time ago; and had decided that my cunning, initiative and innate ability to work electrical appliances obviously overrode any need for briefly skimming over the instruction manual that was probably lost somewhere amongst all of the bombsite debris that made up the general kitchen area.

Brother was harassing me as I arbitrarily poked at buttons, telling me that his implicit knowledge of the working of the microwave required that I put the power on high, because obviously that would melt the prospective meal faster, and he wanted his 'sammich' NOW; and put said carbohydrate based substance on the cheerfully spinning tray and only take it out when it was no longer frozen.

After the first stint in at a single minute, the bread didn't seem to have been perceptibly altered, so Brother told me to put it back in again, but this time for longer. When it came out again, this time after two minutes, the bottom of the loaf was black and burnt, and Brother cheered that we were making progress. Third time lucky, the bread combusted. Ramming my hand into an oven mitt, I managed to remove the flaming mass from the smoke-clogged interior of the evil microwave, eventually setting upon dunking the smouldering loaf into the sink. My humiliating fate was sealed when a charred bubble burst on the surface of the murky water, signifying the final death throes of the grievously injured foodstuff.

Regrettably, I wasn't aware of the fact that the oven mitt itself had also caught ablaze. Brother considerately informed me of this fact, and watched my consequent mad dash through the ship in a sort of muted bemusement. At least until he noticed that in my clumsiness I had lost all sense of spatial awareness and had fled from the room whilst awkwardly scraping along one of the walls. Said wall was remarkably flammable, and so Brother had his hands full with the extinguisher for a good, long while.

I may think the kid-gloves are veering towards overkill, but I can sort of understand why Paine feels considerably safer when someone's playing culinary overseer, even if I was given a crash course in operating the defrost button.

Anyways, I wasn't going to use the microwave of doom tonight if I could help it, and I'd also be avoiding the possessed toaster as if my life depended on it, seeing as it growled at me even when it wasn't plugged in. I had had many nightmares along the lines of being slaughtered while I slept by that demonic toaster, whipping its little pitchfork plug tail as it cackled maniacally.

However, this particular evening was going to be wiled away by applying my own creative aptitude, the concluding result taking the form of stress-induced baking.

Tossing an apron somewhat haphazardly over my head, the whole process taking about half as long as it did to remove each trapped strand of hair from beneath the halter-neck once it was suitably tied; I glared down derisively at the ridiculously hackneyed: Who are these people and why do they expect me to feed them? emblazoned upon the chest in a delightfully banal form of cursive. The upside, one that I was effusively grateful for, came in the form of the merciful lack of the usage of the letter 'I', in which its presence in the phrase, without exception, would have been dotted with hearts or flowers, just to add to the never ending triteness of the stupid polyester contraption.

Then again, judging by the second of the pair of aprons Brother had recently gone out to purchase, just for the hell of it -I know, I know, I'm still dubious as to why we made him treasurer of the royal coffers as well, what with the fact that he's a puerile, irresponsible moron- unoriginality was all well and good with me, because all the money in the world could not force me into a glossy, nylon-based pinafore, proudly displaying the super-imposed image of a proportionately unfeasible, scantily clad hourglass figure, modelling some rather racy lingerie that I only wished I could afford.

Were it not for the fact that the crew were already unnecessarily nervous whenever I came within a five mile radius of matches,

-_I couldn't be sure yet, but I could have sworn that people were hiding all of the flammable items and oxidising agents from me; and I had my growing suspicions that Buddy was the one replacing every sharp object in reach with safety scissors. Not to mention the fact that somehow even the bleach had been placed atop a cupboard so high I had no chance of retrieving it, and the only potentially lethal bottles left in my obtainable height range were all cursed with those darned childproof caps... Of course, not being one for accepting my fate without a fight, during one fateful incident, I'd managed to hack the top off of the aspirin with the bread knife; sadly, Buddy got wise to my antics quickly, and the knife was stolen in the night, never to be heard from again... Most of the other cutlery was simply replaced with plastic counterparts, an action of subterfuge that I thought was just plain mean_-

and because all of the hydrocarbon based components in the damned thing would probably kill me with the toxic fumes, I would have merrily obliged my inside-voice and burnt the abomination to ashes.

However, spinning out long threads of tangential asides was hardly going to facilitate the process of making Shinra that Chocobo cookie, and I wasn't nearly depressed or brain-damaged enough to invoke the vengeful wrath of a little boy with an intellect I could never hope to match, short of a head transplant…

Contrary to popular belief, as is always the way, I can… sort of draw… at least slightly better than my lead pipe wielding stick figures of legend at any rate. Seeing as we were far too poor, and when I say 'poor' I mean 'tight-fisted', to afford some pathetically feeble plastic templates, I was left sketching the basic outline on a makeshift guide, said stencil taking the shape and consistency of rice paper. If the entire process wasn't quite so mind-bogglingly dangerous, I'd wonder what was going through Brother's head when he thought that purchasing rice paper over cookie-cutters was one of his more enlightened decisions. Then again, knowing Brother as unfortunately and implicitly as I do, the rice paper's merits came in the form of its versatility: it was malleable, able to be used as impromptu stationery, and possibly edible, but only if you were desperate enough to forage for nutrients hiding deep within the sheer blandness of it all.

Brother had learned the hard way that you can't really eat plastic on a daily basis and… live… so his motives were quite clear; his individual, immediate needs came above the need to eat his adorable little sister's utterly awesome sugary confections, and the rice paper probably wouldn't put her off making said awesome sugary confections if she was stressed enough to start compulsively baking; so technically, everyone won, apart from the rice paper, which was devoured heartlessly.

After munching my way through four failed attempts, because, let's face it, water does NOT count as a valid foodstuff; I was finally relatively satisfied with the finished product… which had apparently taken me over twenty minutes to doodle. Sometimes I wished I was able to condemn my leanings towards perfectionism, maybe ask one of the miniature scientists in my head to tie the non-corporeal entity to an equally insubstantial chair…

Anyways, one template was done, so I decided to quickly sketch a disembodied, floating, severed Moogle head to accompany the slightly wonky looking Chocobo. I know Moogles are comparatively far more easy to draw than Chocobos; seeing as a Moogle is pretty much just a lot of circles with whiskers and a Chocobo seems to defy every law of physics, but I liked to think the practice was doing me good, as I met with partial success in less than half the time it had taken to draw Mister Mog's predecessor.

The cutesy figures that resembled stuffed-toys more than real live critters; the cuddly plushies seemingly better suited to sightings at some little girl's tea party than frequenting forested areas were joined and rounded off by an appalling rendition of a cactuar, which appeared to be sporting some sort of malevolent growth that had sprouted from one of its boomerang arms.

Coming to the swift conclusion that this probably was the best I was going to get at such short notice, I quickly commenced the makings of my mixtures.

I was quite sure that the hot chocolate powder hadn't quite passed its sell-by-date, but it was awfully dark in the kitchen and that seven could have easily been a one… Deciding to live dangerously, I poured the powder into one of the few ceramic bowls the Celsius possessed, sneezing violently as a mushroom cloud of granulated chocolate lodged in my sinuses. The book then called for cake flour and baking soda, so I willingly obliged, making quite sure that this time I hadn't grabbed the corn flour by mistake… -_Gloopy, lumpy cookies that taste of talcum powder are one of the greatest evils known to man…_- Adding a delicate pinch of salt, the beginnings of one mixture was completed, so I moved onto the next.

Unfortunately, if I used another bowl, I wouldn't have a spare for my wet mixture, so I made a makeshift container out of a plastic measuring jug. This time, the flour exploded, and I took a wild guess that at least I'd probably gotten some of my colour back, because added to the hot chocolate I'd be a nice, sunny shade of beige.

Flicking a switch had the oven roaring to life, and I chose my desired setting in advance, because the damned thing took forever to preheat. Humming quietly to myself, mocking, rueful smile curling my lips into a travesty of a smile, I shrieked as illumination suddenly flooded the small kitchen. The egg I had been delicately cracking into the new mixture had imploded under the force of my clenching hands, so now I was sticky, powdered and my cookie dough had fragments of eggshell floating on the surface.

It was quite easy to address and define the emotions in my eyes as impatience and irritation, but the words died on my tongue as I spun around far too quickly for my inner ear to attune to the shift in balance.

Stumbling, I sprawled across a hard, over-familiar chest, belonging to someone I would rather have never encountered again. Seeing as the fates obviously despise me, not only was I clutching at him like a small, frightened child after allowing him to witness the full majesty of one of my klutz-attacks, I'd also pressed a tacky, stained handprint to his heart whilst wearing my most humiliating pyjamas, inundated beneath a tsunami of flour and hot chocolate.

"I like the look; very cute… especially the slippers." He chuckled, smile broadening as I blushed to the roots of my lifeless, powder-streaked hair. Desperately attempting to fluff some life into my hideously flat tresses, I realised too late that I had brutally shoved my yoke-dripping hand into the cake flour, effectively creating a shampoo of molasses.

History dictates that this really shouldn't happen to a person that has even a fragment of a redeeming quality. If turnabout was fair play, Gippal would only have skulked back onto the scene when my heart had fully healed, and I'd magically grown into a C-cup whilst clad in an outfit that would make the gods themselves want me.

"I'm a little busy at the moment, Gippal… so if you'd like to take a number and come again in the morning…" -_Or, you know… NEVER_- I trailed off, pulling away in a feeble attempt to look rushed off my feet, as opposed to cowed and jittery.

"Need any help?" He asked amicably, drawing back at the stricken expression I adopted. If there was anything I needed, I needed him to be gone from my life; I needed to have never even met the man…

"That would be nice, thank you…" I murmured, before flinching viscerally. Sometimes, I really, really wished that my brain and mouth were in cahoots; it would mean that scenes like this could be avoided. He edged closer again, a frown playing about his face, as if debating whether to ask the dreaded question. "I'm fine… honestly…" I interrupted vehemently as his lips twitched.

However, my words had the adverse reaction to that I had hoped for. If anything, my denial had spurred him on, the look in his eye was now determined to get an answer from me. Scanning over my cookbook, he pinched one of the peanut-butter chips as I continued to fix all of my focus on process the wet mixture as violently as I could with a simple egg beater.

"What's wrong, Rikku? I haven't seen you since this morning… You missed every meal we had… I'm beginning to think I've conversed more with Brother than you during the course of the day…" He fumbled for the words, needing to indirectly demand if this was his doing.

My face fell as I closed my eyes, lids shielding and concealing my emotions. He could never know how much he had hurt me… He had to leave me of his own free will, if not, he would always be able to sway me with yet another promise of change; and I saw no alternative but to almost physically push him from my embrace. I would send him running to the other women; he would flee from this relationship as if a Basilisk was hot on his heels.

"I just didn't feel up to company; messing with the sands of time can take a lot out of a girl, you know?" I joked, knowing Yuna probably would have talked the crew's ears off at mealtimes about our daring feats. Gippal didn't buy it, and the dubious quirk of an eyebrow informed me of the fact, but he decided to let the matter drop for the moment.

"The sphere you found is quite the piece of work. I've never seen anything like it, and my knowledge of machina goes back a damned long way." He changed the subject, something I was eternally grateful for. "Shinra and I finally agreed that it looks pretty much like a war-mech; but it's beyond antiquated and fast-approaching ancient relic status." He described excitedly, looking like a passionate little boy again. "Militarily, it would be a piece of outdated junk, but get this; it has rocket launchers…" He added almost reverentially, reminding me again of his love of all things destructive and mechanical.

By this time, I was spooning each respective mixture onto their makeshift templates, using an improvised cone of rice paper in order to ice the darker mixture onto the vaguely structured blobs and add some semblance of detail to the cookies. The Chocobo was proving difficult, as the lines were almost too intricate to follow with a stream of dough, but I just about managed it, although I'm sure I sacrificed more than a few brain cells in exchange for such intense levels of concentration.

"Thanks for the help…" I muttered, turning from the sudden worry in his eye with the excuse of putting the cookies in to bake.

"Nice to know you're still as transparent as ever, kiddo; cos, unless my memory's going, all I ended up helping with was munching on your ingredients." He replied smugly, oblivious to the way my face contorted as the wound in my heart expanded at being called 'kiddo'.

"I guess you caught me…" I exclaimed feebly, pulling out a chair and collapsing onto it, feeling like my feet were encased in concrete as the lead weight in my chest sapped the energy from my limbs.

We sat in a silence that was lacking the companionable air from before, Gippal's eye fixed on the back of my head as I refused to make the visual contact.

"How long are they in for?" He almost whined, forcing an unbidden smile to spring to my lips. Gippal had never been a patient man; even eight minutes were seven too long. I ignored the question, much like I did when he turned on the puerile refrain of: are we there yet?

"I'm not going to be a child forever, you know…" I announced bitterly, clamping my hands over my stupid, stupid mouth seconds too late. Gippal's eyebrows disappeared almost into his hairline. I decided to plunge on, since I was already doomed to mortification. "I just want to enjoy my freedom, while I'm still entitled to it… I have been under my father's thumb my entire life, and over the last two years, my responsibilities have finally shifted elsewhere. Now, while I am already validated as a person, and as a hero, I am only just starting to live for myself. Now, I am not morally able to do so, because I will always have other commitments to other people; I can not bring myself to take a back seat while others suffer. Even if I have not yet spent a year as my own number one priority; and now, now I am going to inherit the throne my father established. Until the day my fate is sealed, I do not need you to sanction my request to catch up on a childhood that was stripped from me the day my mother died." I growled; blinking back tears as Gippal was stunned into retrospective silence. "Now, would you like a cookie? I've named this one Quasimodo…" I moved the flagging conversation along rather forcefully; cracking the weak joke as I gently lifted the abnormally lumpy cactuar with melted chocolate chip eyes and gaping mouth from the tray in order to present it to its potential consumer. He briefly marvelled at how I had got the three dark strips of dough to stick to the top of its head before accepting the sugary treat with little ceremony.

Covering the cooling cookies with a small tea-towel, I left them in full view of the groggy souls stumbling into the kitchen for breakfast in a few hours. Nibbling at the highly unstable pompom of one of the Moogle cookies, my stomach rejoiced at the prospect of my first small meal in almost eighteen hours.

"Thanks," Gippal stated suddenly, gesturing to a now decapitated Quasimodo. "These are actually pretty damned good…" He offered as graciously as a person like Gippal could manage. He quickly stuffed a warped arm into his mouth to confirm the statement, eyelids flickering as an emerald iris rolled back in delight.

Turning from the entirely too provocative sight with a strangled cough, I began to make my practiced apologies.

"Before we return you to your no-doubt panicking employees, Shinra wanted to make a quick stop-off at Luca… something about circle bashing, I'd sort of tuned out by that stage…" I grinned sheepishly, knowing full well what Sphere Break was, though not wanting to admit that I'd been the one to introduce Shinra to the game as my young protégé. In fact, Shinra had no idea about the tournament, but I was pretty sure he'd commandeer the entire airship if anyone even suggested thwarting his presence at the event.

We needed to be at Luca for my own personal reasons; involving the newscaster Shelinda, and the massive favour she owed me.

"Sounds like fun… I'm sure there's nothing like beating the crap out of geometric shapes…" Gippal drawled sardonically, and I forced back the smile threatening to reach all the way up to my eyes.

"I'm sure it'll be something for the record-books, the Gullwings seem to be pretty epic on the whole…" I joked, recalling all of the unwanted attention we always somehow managed to garner. "Anyways, at this point in time, I'm feeling rather knackered, so, I bid you adieu with this threat: Eat another of those cookies before dawn and I shall hunt you down." I grinned, relieved that I was able to force the lightness back into my tone. I felt naked without the humour and the smiles to fall back on; there was nothing but raw anguish and seething hatred buried beneath layers of despair.

Gippal didn't look entirely convinced, but was willing to settle, as anything must have seemed preferable to my melancholic state and casual avoidance.

"Will do, Cap'n…" He smirked, gracing me with a mock-salute that I couldn't help but beam at. "Goodnight, Rikku…" He concluded affectionately, resting a gloved hand on one of my flannel-clad shoulders. I quelled the betrayed tremor that threatened to run down the length of my body and brought up the corners of my lips to form a soft grin I didn't feel.

"Good morning, Gippal…" I laughed, fleeing the room with a jaunty, unaffected wave, refusing to acknowledge the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.


End file.
